Weekend Coffee Share: I’m Back Like Cooked Crack

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If we were having coffee (and as tired as I am, I may actually consider drinking some this time!), I would tell you that I’m finally home after our nice, long vacation. Next, I would beg you to help me unpack and put away all this stuff.

Between Baby Girl’s birthday toys and our luggage and all the clothes to wash, my formerly nice clean house looks like it has been hit by a tornado.

After I complain and beg you to help out, maybe threaten bodily harm if you decline, I’d then tell you that I had a heck of a vacation. We stayed at Myrtle Beach for just over a week. The first six nights were with the kiddos and the next two nights were with another couple.


The kids had a blast while they were here. We spent a lot of time on the beach and in the pools. Baby Girl loved being on the beach for the first time and spent a lot of time crawling around and playing in the sand. Little Man and I went to a pirate dinner show with another blogger I met through WordPress. We went go kart racing. We rode rides at Broadway. We did all the things.

The funniest part of the whole trip came one day when my family hung out with Linden’s family on the beach one day. Little Man was trying to catch fish with his net under the pier when a lifeguard blew the whistle at him to tell him to move. We watched as LM exchanged words with the lifeguard, and then he stormed back over to us and told us “I can’t believe that guy disrespecting a little kid like that, telling me not to play there?!” (The lifeguard wasn’t wearing typical lifeguard clothes, which I think was the deal, but it sure was funny!)

When the kids left on Friday, I had to wait a while for our two friends to arrive, and then we had some adult fun on the beach, which was super relaxing. As was the next day.

All in all, it was a great vacation. The kids had a wonderful time, plus it was great to meet some new friends and have some relaxing adult time at the end. And, the icing on the good week cake was that the Supreme Court ruled in favor of gay marriage, the ACA was upheld, and the governor of my state (South Carolina) wants to take down the Confederate flag from state grounds. Pretty big stuff there! (And judging from some stuff I’ve seen on Facebook, I’m pretty sure you’ll see a couple ranting posts from me soon.)

To wrap up our coffee share, I’d tell you that I have a heck of a lot of blogs to catch up on and comment on. I managed to read a few, but not many, but the ones I didn’t get to are hanging out in my inbox. Now I have to choose between laundry and reading blogs. Eh, it’s summer–less is more, right?


Who Wants A Quickie?

So, I’m at the beach. It’s hot, humid, and most importantly, fun. Relaxing? Uh, no, not with two kids, but that’ll happen over the weekend. 

Anyway, I wanted to write a short post. It’s not that I don’t have time to write a non-short post, but I’m not into the mobile blogging right now. Mainly because lazy fingers and no wi-fi. 

No wi-if! (Say that in your best Tom Hanks “There’s no crying in baseball” voice.) 

Since I would like to not pay $15 to Verizon for going over my meager data allotment, I’m trying to limit myself. I’ll probably break in the next day or two and then Baby Girl will have to do without a pack of diapers for a week because mama couldn’t kick her Internet habit. 

We’ve had a lot of fun on the beach and in the pools so far. My family met with blogger Linden at Tweet Less, Blog More and she’s just as awesome in person as she is online. And Little Man didn’t talk about his penis in front of them, so we had that going in our favor. 

And, speaking of which, let me give three Little Man-isms from vacation so far:

  • Look how tall Baby Girl is now! She’s up to my penis! (He had pants on.)
  • Baby Girl is such a hater, isn’t she? (After BG didn’t want to roll the ball.)
  • OMG there’s a bunch of sand on my penis! (Loudly enough for everyone in the pool and behind us at the shower to hear.) 

Aaaaaannnnddddd, today, I officially have a one-year-old. So happy birthday BG! Since she’s not able to eat cake yet, we had ice cream. Yum!

I’ll catch up on reading and commenting on all of the posts I’ve missed (since I’m sporadically browsing) in my email inbox either next week or tomorrow when I say “fuck this limited internet shit.” 😉

Weekend Coffee Share: Pimp Sign, OITNB, and Vacation

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Hey y’all–once again, I’m cutting it kind of close on the Weekend Coffee Share post.

So, if we were having coffee, I’d whip out my latest Goodwill find and show it off. I think this would be a good ice breaker for any coffee share, dinner party, pastoral visitation, etc.

Only set me back 99 cents.

You’re probably wondering what I’m going to do with this sign since I live in a house with two little kids. Well, I’m not going to hang it up beside my Sting sword over the mantle, I can tell you that. I’ll probably leave it in the trunk of my car until an opportunity presents itself.

If we were having coffee I’d tell you that it has been an unproductive weekend. I had visions of an immaculate house, everything organized, etc., by the time Little Man got back from the mountains (because getting that done when he’s actually here so isn’t happening), but I did very little. The reason for this is that Season 3 of Orange is the New Black is out, a show that can only be binge-watched. Laziness may also have played a role. As such, ignore the crumbs on the table and the totes that I’m planning to use for organizing stuff scattered about.

(Fun tidbit: while I was writing this post, my husband took the OITNB character quiz and found out that he was Alex Vause. This made him insanely happy.)

I’d also tell you that I probably won’t be participating in next week’s Coffee Share because I’ll be at the beach! (I totally wanted to add motherfuckers in my Leslie Chow voice after “beach” but didn’t, out of respect. Know I thought it, though.) I’m really looking forward to that because I have some mad love for the ocean. I’ll also get to meet fellow blogger Linden from Tweet Less, Blog More, which will be great! Hopefully we won’t trash up the place too much for her. Maybe I’ll hide my Pimp Plaza sign somewhere in her house. 😉

(Someone did that to my friend once. Her toilet was acting up and her husband took the lid off the tank and found a freaking butt plug. No joke. They couldn’t figure out who hid it there but suspected me. I had to sheepishly tell them I wasn’t sure what the hell a butt plug was for, so they then educated their naive friend, but still suspected me.)

Well, that’s all I have.

So, tell me what’s up with you. Have you ever found anything strange in your house?

A Change In Plans

My mother-in-law has been asking us to let Little Man go to the mountains with her and her husband since the kid was four. Every summer she has asked, I’ve said “no.”

Why? Anxiety, of course. Well, I’ve always told them “he’s just too young,” but really–anxiety.


Now Little Man is 7, and my MIL asked about him going to the mountains near the end of July. She asked a few weeks ago, and my husband and I talked it over.

“You know he’d love it,” Sam told me.

“I know. But, what if (everything that could go wrong)?”

“That won’t happen.”

We talked. And talked. And talked some more. Finally, I agreed to let LM go to the mountains at the end of July. I didn’t want to let him go, but figured that I could probably make myself be somewhat okay with it in two months.

Today, my MIL calls and talks to my husband. I overhear part of the conversation and Sam says, “…that’s fine with me, let me check with E.”

He covers the mouthpiece of the phone. “They’re going to the mountains this weekend instead of at the end of July. We don’t have any plans this weekend, do we?”

“Uh, no.”

“It’s fine,” he tells his mom and hangs up shortly thereafter.

“They decided to go this weekend so it won’t be as hot,” he explained and then went about his business.

This weekend. He’ll be leaving in less than three days. Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod. Instantly a bunch of horrible scenarios pop in my head.

What if they have a wreck?

What if they lose him?

What if someone kidnaps him?

What if he falls off the mountain at an overlook?

What if there’s a pool at the hotel they stay at and he drowns?

Nooooo, he doesn’t need to go. Nope. And then:

But if I don’t let him go, what if we have a wreck and someone hits his side of the car and kills him and he wouldn’t have been in there had I let him go?!

That sort of thing.


(This was the one good thing about Zoloft–it definitely decreased my anxiety a bit. Sure, it made me zombied out and worsened depression, but it helped anxiety! I foresee a lot of Klonopin being consumed this weekend.)

It shouldn’t be this hard to let your kid go on a weekend trip with the grandparents. At least my husband’s mom and stepdad, anyway. They’re mostly wonderful, especially compared to my dad.

My dad has been after me to let him take LM on a weekend beach trip with my nephew (who is a few months younger) since LM was 3. I’ve always said no, because my dad didn’t pay attention that great when we were kids (my brother always got lost on family vacations), and now he is always on his phone to add to the list of things that distract him. I don’t doubt that they wouldn’t have fun, but the risk of the boy falling off the pier is fairly legitimate, on top of my not-so-legitimate fears.

But back to this weekend. Did I say “gah”? Yeah, well now I’ll add “ugh.” I’m debating ordering a GPS watch on Amazon for LM and having it sent overnight. I’ve already tried that sort of thing before and it didn’t work too well, but if I can find a good one (and get Sam on board to actually buy one) it might help.

Sam told LM about the change in the mountains plans over dinner. The kid is soooo excited.

Weekend Coffee Share: Books, Vacation, and Productivity

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Good morning! Have you ever had orange Gatorade in a coffee mug? That’s what I’m having again this morning, but if you prefer actual coffee, I have that, too.

So, if you were having Gatorade/coffee and I was having Gatorade, I’d tell you that I finally finished reading Wally Lamb’s Couldn’t Keep It To Myself. It only took me about four months, which is a far cry from the 2-3 days is usually takes me to read something.

Now I’m reading three more books: Wally Lamb’s She’s Come Undone, Bessel van der Kolk’s The Body Keeps the Score, and Sarahbeth Caplin’s Confessions of a Prodigal Daughter. And…I’m reading all of these on the Kindle app on my iPad/iPhone. This, from the person who said she’d never forsake books.

I’m still waiting to hear more from the company that offered me a writing job. They wanted to know what hours I would be available, so I sent them my schedule. Hopefully they won’t be scared off by it, but they did say in the original listing that it would be for odd hours (it’s only part-time, of course). Whatever happens, happens. My husband is probably right that it’s not the best time for me to start a new job, but no harm in trying!

I would also tell you that we have our family vacation locked in–a week at the beach at the end of June. Now, if only a tropical storm doesn’t come through! The first five nights will be with the kids, and then my husband will meet his mom to drop them off, and the two couples that we are really close with will come down for the final two nights.

Over our drinks, I would also tell you that this has been a very productive week for me! I’ve been on top of everything around the house for a change, and here we sit on a Saturday morning and things aren’t in a total state of disrepair. So, our weekend is off to a more relaxing start. We plan to put some bookcases together this weekend for LM’s room and for ours, which will help decrease some clutter.

Well, that’s about all for now!

Now you know what my week looked like, so what’s going on in your life?