There’s A New Fairy In Town

I’ve written about how I’m not a fan of Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy in a past post. Despite that, there’s a new fairy (well, two) in town, and it’s one of my own creation.

Before my surgery, I was still rocking Baby Girl to sleep at night. I know, I know — at three she was too old, but she’s so small, and we both loved it…but I wasn’t supposed to pick her up for a few days following surgery, she doesn’t like my husband to rock her, so it was time to make the transition.

She was none too happy about this.

“I not gonna do that!” she told me when I mentioned her lying down in the bed to go to sleep.

I tried talking to her about being a big girl, about reading books and stuff before we go to sleep, how her dad or I will lie down with her, but that didn’t do any good. And then I had an idea.

“If you lie down in your bed, the Big Girl Fairy will come to see you.”

Little Man was listening to the conversation. “The WHAT?”

“The Big Girl Fairy. She’s like the Tooth Fairy, only she comes when little girls do big girl things.” BG knew about the Tooth Fairy from Eli, and she has been very upset over not losing teeth to get a visit, so this was appealing to her.

“Oooh, the Big Girl Fairy?” BG asked. “What she gonna bring?”

“Probably a quarter.”

“Maybe a new PJ Masks toy?”

I shook my head. “The Big Girl Fairy isn’t made out of money. She can’t bring toys every night you do what you’re supposed to do, but she can bring something small, like a quarter. You can save your quarters and buy a treat for yourself later.”

Baby Girl thought about this for a moment. “I really want her to bring me chocolate coins.”

“She can do that!” I said, happy that she was getting on board and not thinking about the fact that would mean candy the first thing in the morning.

“Maybe the Big Girl Fairy can visit me, too?” Little Man asked, grinning.

“She not gonna see you, Little Man, she the Big Girl Fairy, not the Big  Boy Fairy!” Baby Girl informed him.

And so the Big Girl Fairy was born. Baby Girl has been lying down at night with no issue, but she still wants one of us to stay with her until she falls asleep. After about a month, the Big Girl Fairy has stopped visiting for that, though. She now plans to visit if BG goes to bed by herself, plus she visits for trying new foods.

The Big Girl Fairy also has a sister named the Good Girl Fairy. She brings quarters (and only quarters) for behaving and doing chores. For whatever reason, receiving a quarter from the Big Girl Fairy for picking up her toys and helping out is far preferable to receiving a quarter from me.

I am embarrassed that I’ve had to resort to making up fairies to get Baby Girl to do things/transition to things — especially being someone who was like “nah” on Santa at first — but it is what it is. I think it will be easy to phase out the fairies when they’ve served their purpose, though.

Did any of y’all do crazy stuff to get your kids to be more compliant?


Things Kids Say: Strawberries, Fevers, And More

Yesterday Baby Girl gave me enough material to do a few weeks worth of Things Kids Say. Instead of making you wait for it, though, I’ll post it all today, because I’m cool like that.

While changing Baby Girl’s diaper, she started scratching herself. She’s got a bit of a rash going on. It’d be nice if she were ready to potty train (and she did show interest briefly but has since flat-out refused to go on the toilet), but that’s not where we’re at right now. So, as usual, I instructed her to stop her clawing.

“Baby Girl, don’t scratch at your vulva — it’s already red,” I told her.

“Ooooh, Mommy, do it look like a strawberry?” she asked excitedly. I had to inform her that, no, her vulva did not resemble a strawberry. File that one under “Things I Never Thought I’d Say.”

*      *      *

Little Man is sick with the flu. Again. Yep, he had to go ruin our Illness Free streak, which I think lasted about three weeks. (I’m kidding — poor Little Man.) So, Baby Girl loves going to the doctor and often asks to go. She has a little doctor kit that she plays with a lot, too. (Yep, I’m already boasting to Sam that our daughter is gonna be a doctor.) I commented to BG that Little Man was sick, so she asked about the doctor, expressed regret that she didn’t get to go, and immediately went to doctoring.

“My doggy sick. I get my step-o-scope and shot and take his fever.” She went through the motions with the toy stethoscope and syringe, used the thing that’s used to check the nose and ears, and then pressed the button on the digital thermometer I had left out. (You can tell she’s paid close attention in her visits.)

“It say he got five dollars! He sick!” she said when the numbers popped up on the thermometer. Poor dog.

*      *      *

Our power went off briefly yesterday evening. After taking out the lantern (which BG declared to be “amazing”), Sam talked about getting some candles out. This made Baby Girl super excited.

“It’s my birthday?! Yay! It’s my birthday! Where’s my cake?” It took a while to make her understand that there was no cake. I was tempted to stick a leftover birthday candle in a Little Debbie cake, but she didn’t eat her supper, so no Debbies for her.

*      *      *

And now for the super sweet thing she said yesterday — we were waiting on a call from Little Man’s doctor (the insurance denied his Tamiflu prescription, saying they wouldn’t cover it more than once in a 90-day period, so the office was trying to get that sorted out). I didn’t hear the phone ring, because sucky hearing, and Baby Girl told me it was ringing. I told her a little bit later that I appreciated her telling me it was ringing.

“Mommy’s ears don’t work very well, so I need your help hearing things sometimes,” I told her.

“Your ears not work?” she asked.

“Not very good,” I answered.

“Poor Mommy,” Baby Girl said, looking sad. “I go see Santa tomorrow. I say I want new ears for you. I say, ‘Pleeeease, Santa!'” All the feels right there.

Things Kids Say Thursday: Gobble-Gobble

Baby Girl has really gotten into the holidays/special events. She regularly throws us all birthday parties with a toy cake set and sings Happy Birthday to us, loved Halloween and talks about going trick-or-treating again, and gets excited over seeing Christmas trees. She’s even excited about Thanksgiving and has been bringing home crafts from preschool that she’s super proud of.

After doing all the baking and watching A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving last night, I got out some construction paper so the kids could make hand print turkeys. Baby Girl has already done quite a bit of hand print stuff at preschool, but Little Man has done nothing, and it won’t be long before gets too old to want to do hand print crafts.

The hand print turkey making went just fine, aside from Baby Girl repeatedly trying to reach over and color her brother’s turkey. When we finished up, BG wanted to go show hers to her daddy. She walked proudly into the kitchen with a huge smile on her face.

“Daddy, look what I did! Look at my chicken.” Wrong bird, BG, we aren’t deep frying any chickens this week — we’ll save those artery cloggers for the rest of the time.

“Oh, that’s beautiful!” Sam said. “Your turkey looks great.”

She gave him a look. “That not a turkey. It’s a chicken. It say ‘gobble-gobble.'”

“Chickens say ‘buck-buck-buck’ and turkeys says ‘gobble-gobble,” Sam told her.

“That MY chicken and it say ‘gobble-gobble.'”

We’ve learned that there’s no arguing with her (or teaching her) when she goes into “That MY ____” mode.

“Okay…that’s your chicken,” Sam said. “It’s beautiful!”

Happy Chicken Day, folks 😉

Things Kids Say Thursday: Hi There, Bulba!

One thing I decided to do with Baby Girl was to teach her the proper terms for her anatomy when she asked. No more wee-wees, pee-pees, hoo-has, or junk. As much as I hate using the right terms (I was raised calling my bits a petunia blossom, after all), I’ve read all the articles about how it’s important to use the right words for reasons you can look up on your own.

As I’ve mentioned in other posts, Baby Girl has had quite the vocabulary explosion in recent weeks. Maybe months at this point. At any rate, she’s talking a lot. (And a lot of it is intelligible.) And she wants to know what everything is. As such, earlier this week I was finally obligated provided with the opportunity to teach her what’s what.

“Mommy, what’s dat?” Baby Girl asked, as she took notice of a new-to-her body part.

“That’s your vulva,” I told her.

“Bulba?” she asked.

Image result for sebulba

“Bulba,” not “Shebulba.”

“Right, vulva,” I said.

At that, she stood up and bent over to get a better look.

“Wow-ee! Cool!” Baby Girl exclaimed. “Hi there, bulba!” she said, while waving at it. I laughed so hard.

A few days later, I gather that little boys aren’t the only ones obsessed with their stuff. (I’m not obligated to using the proper terms on my blog.)

Just Say No

Anyone who’s ever spent much time around a toddler knows that her favorite word is “No.” (Okay, maybe sometimes it’s “Caillou” because some asshole lets her watch it, but mostly it’s “No.”)

Baby Girl is no exception, and she started her Just Say No campaign against us months ago. Frankly, a toddler’s Just Say No campaign can be more annoying at times than the War on Drugs campaign telling everyone to Just Say No.


At first, she was saying “no” to the expected things — like taking a nap or having her extraordinarily shitty diaper changed (because in a toddler’s world, UTIs are a way to get extra juice when your bitch mom limits you to mostly milk and water). Then we discovered that she’ll say “no” to almost any question asked as long as the words “play” or “cookie” aren’t involved.

“Baby Girl, want to kick the soccer ball?” Little Man will ask.


And then she runs over and kicks the ball.

“Baby Girl, want  to try some food that isn’t fruit, bread, or yogurt?” I’ll ask.


She’s for real “no” on that one.

“Baby Girl, want to go to Paw Paw’s house?”


Moments later, she’ll cry for her Paw Paw.

“Hey Baby Girl, do you like Clemson” Sam asked her. (We hate the Clemson Tigers around here.)


Yay, “no” worked as planned that time!

How about, “Baby Girl, do you think Trump should be president?”


Hell yeah, Baby Girl, you know what’s up!

Today, when she was misbehaving, I told her she had to stop throwing books (little heathen) or she would have to sit in timeout. “You don’t want to go to timeout, do you, so no throwing books.”

Instead of saying “no,” she gleefully rant to her little foam Thomas the Tank Engine chair (which was her brother’s once upon a time) and sat down. “Sit in time out!” she shouted. Sigh.