Lately I’ve decided to make a few changes in my life. For starters, I’m no longer going to eat red meat. So long steaks, aka mouth party morsels. Despite my iron always being too low, I’m going to bid you a fond adieu and see if spinach can treat me any better. I’m also going to drop chocolate like a bad habit. That means the glorious meals of filet mignon with a side of Hershey kisses can be no more.
I’m also going to cut back on the amount of time I spend on the road. I drive way too much. Some days I spend around 2.5 hours just shuttling around my kids to school and gymnastics. When Little Man plays ball and we have to go to away games, that can up the drive time by an hour. Kids, I’m no longer going to be your chauffeur. I’m going to do my part to be more environmentally conscious and stop picking you up. Two words: Hitch. Hike. It’s better for the environment and it’s better for my wallet and personal time.
As soon as I finish typing this post, I’m deleting all of my Hanson songs from my iPhone. It’s time to move on to other things. My family has suffered enough, and I fear that my cochlear implant is on the verge of rebelling against me and failing if I don’t. Twenty-one years was a good run.
And it’s about time that I jump on the Trump bandwagon. I’m going to join forces with my family, grab a red trucker hat, and talk about how wonderful it would be to waste money on building a wall. Maybe I’ll even go on Twitter and type incoherent things in ALL CAPS, too. I’ll finally cease being the black sheep in my family, which means acceptance and more togetherness time.
It might not be January, but it’s never too late for some resolutions.
*My brain had a huge fart. I thought I missed the J day and needed to do J and K. Nope, I missed the K day and had to do K and L. I’m not writing a new post, so instead of the title being “J and K are for Just Kidding, it’s now K and L are for [Just] Kidding, LOL. Lame would also work here.