Remember that time I published a post called Making This Blog Hot? You should; it’s one of my more well-liked posts. (This says a lot about you, the readers, that a post poking fun at a list of blog topics is one of my more popular posts.) The last time I covered about half of the list and promised that I’d follow up on that with the last half. In case you aren’t sure where this post is going by now, today I’m doing the follow up.
One of the first suggestions from the second half that caught my eye was Create a post that utilizes a bar chart or pie chart. I haven’t really done charts in the almost decade that I’ve been out of college (silently weeping right now), but here:
Did I just hear a collective groan on that chart? See the second chart, then.
The slice is to the right of the center at the top, FYI.
Moving right along… This idea, though: post linkbait. Why? Why would I post the thing that everyone tries to avoid? Sure, when I was working for one of those websites, I’d post linkbait on my Facebook feed pretty regularly. I don’t mind irritating my family and friends. They have to like me anyway. But y’all? You strangers who choose to read this blog? No, I’m not irritating y’all with that mess. (Unless it’s something super funny. In which case, I’ll make an exception.)
Hold a conference or webinar through blog post. Okay. I kind of did that before with an Ask Me Anything post I ripped off a Not-To-Be-Named poster. I’ll plan on doing that one later this week, on Friday. The three of you who would like to ask me a question may do so starting at 3:23 PM, Eastern Time (better schedule that one now). This is one of the few times in your life you can find out something personal about me that you didn’t already know without reading old posts, or ask for my advice, absolutely free of charge. You may or may not feel enlightened afterwards.
Compile a list of common mistakes in your niche. I have no idea what my mistakes are, and I don’t take kindly to having them pointed out, so no. (Kidding…I know I make mistakes and don’t mind them being pointed out as long as you aren’t incorrectly correcting me. That’s annoying.)
I seriously LOL’d at this one: Abandon your blog for a week and make others think “what happened to you.” It’s pretty risky, but if you are famous blogger – this will get you a lot of buzz.
Me, minus the waist, flowy hair, and boxy shoulders.
I promise you, if I up and disappear for a few days or whatever and haven’t said I’m throwing in the towel, it’s because of life. Not because I’m trying to play some Where In The World Is Anxious Mom? game, although that could be pretty fun. You’d be limited to tracking me around rural North and South Carolina, and there would be shots to celebrate any and all progress. Clearly, Baby Girl would be one of the henchmen. #wheresanxiousmom #letsmakethishappen #stopthehashtagmadness
Ask some billionaire to write a blog post for you. I’m sure one of y’all won the Powerball last week, so how about writing me a post that includes your full name, Social Security number, mother’s maiden name, and your routing number?
This one I’m tempted to do, except for I think most of y’all would be too chicken to participate: dare your readers to do something. I suck at dares. I used to get wicked ideas for dares when we’d play Truth or Dare at parties and stuff, but then I’d think, “shit, they might get embarrassed and then I’d feel bad…” Blah. How about this? I dare y’all to follow someone on this list of some of my favorite bloggers. Do it. Dooooooo it. And/or pick any topic from the list to complete. We’ll call it the Hot Blog Challenge. Maybe there will be a special badge. Maybe there won’t.
The best one from this entire list? Publish a manifesto. How the fuck does someone all anxious and paranoid like me not have a manifesto published by the age of 32? This. Must. Change.
Is my blog hotter now?