Things Kids Say: My Favorite Milk

So, Baby Girl is some sort of ninja. We knew the girl had skills, but didn’t quite realize the extent of those skills until the recent bout of sickness.

That’s right, I said sickness. Again. (Again. Again. Again. Because one “again” doesn’t cover it. At this point, I understand if you “X” out your browser tab for this post, since so many of my posts have been about sickness this year.)

Little Man got sick on Monday with what appeared to be the flu. He had the same symptoms as Norah did in January, plus there is an outbreak in our area. Luckily, we had the extra Tamiflu our doctor gave us back then, so we gave him that, and three days later, he was good to go back to school.

We thought we’d be safe with Baby Girl, since she had it before. Immunity or some crap, right? Obviously I either don’t know how things works or she was unlucky or something. Either way, she came down with the same symptoms on Wednesday. But she wouldn’t take her medicine.

“No, I not take that medicine. I not like it,” she told us. “No thank you!”

Fine. We’d be sneaky and put it in her drink.

We gave her some lactose-free milk. “No, not that milk. I want my milk. I not drink that. No thank you.” She hadn’t even tasted it, nor was she in the kitchen when we made it. She just knew.

We tried it with juice. We tried with a Tum-E-Yummy. We tried mixing it in ice cream. We tried soda. She wouldn’t go near any of it. Toddlers are apparently built with a radar than lets them know anytime an adult is trying to be sneaky about something they’re going to consume. It was frustrating, but I was also kinda impressed. And then we tried the same things again yesterday, without much luck at first.

“Baby Girl, if you don’t take your medicine, we’re going to have to take you to the doctor,” I told her.

“Okay!” she said brightly. “I get my ears checked and my pig’s ears checked.”

Really? She had a pretty high fever and had been lying in bed sleeping most of the day. Minutes before she could only muster up the strength to say “Hold, me Mommy” in the weakest voice ever, with her eyes closed. She was like dead weight when I picked her up, as apparently holding her arms around my neck while I carried her would have been too much physical exertion. And now she wants to get out and drive to see the doctor?

I sighed. “Maybe we’ll go tomorrow.”

We continued trying to get the medicine in her. At one point five drinks in five cups were spiked. (Don’t worry, we kept track of everything.) After more refusals, Sam finally put some medicine in whole milk (which she isn’t supposed to be drinking right now).

“Oh, it’s my favorite milk!” she said when she tasted it. And then she guzzled it down. Within the hour, her fever was down and she was running around the house fussing at Little Man for looking at her toys. Today she feels much better and has no fever, just still tired. It’s amazing how quickly kids can bounce back.


And Then There Was One

This past weekend I wrote about Sam getting the stomach bug that’s going around and Baby Girl getting Round 2 of it. She seemed okay on Sunday, but woke up on Monday feeling bad. Not only did she sleep two hours past her normal wake-up time, she acted so exhausted that she couldn’t hold her head up. She would sit up and them slump over. It was scary. That, combined with her starting puking again, a dry diaper (after sleeping 12 hours), and generally being unresponsive led to her going to the doctor.

We called the nurse line and they recommended calling 911 or taking her directly to the ER, but on the way to the hospital, she became more responsive and started chatting herself up in the little mirror that’s on the backseat, so we went to the Children’s Urgent Care instead. She was seen immediately and the NP said she was mildly dehydrated and had the stomach flu (Round 3), so she was given some Pedialyte. After waiting a while and seeing that she was able to hold it down and otherwise seemed okay, we left. By nighttime, she was back to her old self. It was crazy how she went from being that sick in the morning to running around the house squealing at night. Little Man never really got sick beyond getting croup a few times, so maybe that’s just par for the course with the little ones.

The bug didn’t stop there, though. I woke up in the middle of the night with the lovely throwing up and everything. So not fun. In between bouts of the not-fun-stuff, I slept most of Tuesday and a lot of Wednesday. I don’t think I’ve ever sleep that much in 48 hours in my life.

Today is better, thankfully! Now it’s time for catching up on the cleaning (apparently the house went into self-destruct mode during the two days I was sequestered in my room), laundry, grocery shopping, etc. Or maybe I’ll let the house remain in self-destruct mode, let the laundry continue piling up, and let everyone exist on diets of cereal and blueberries until tomorrow while I catch up on reading blogs. The first way might cause me to overexert myself, and heavens know I wouldn’t want to do that and risk a Round 2.

And now that leaves Little Man. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that he doesn’t get it. And that no one follows Baby Girl’s steps and gets a Round 2 and 3. And that she limits herself to three rounds. That’s not too much to ask for, right?

My Husband the Snot Czar

My husband has appointed himself the Snot Czar of our household. This means that not only does he handle his own snot and help with Baby Girl’s (she’s a baby, so he gets a pass on that), he also attempts to take it upon himself to deal with Little Man’s and mine.

Yes, mine. I’m a 31-year-old sort of adult, and my husband thinks it’s his job to clear my nasal passages.

You’re probably thinking, “Ew” and maybe even “Well, at least he cares,” but here’s how he deals with that. Instead of running the dehumidifier or cool mist sprayer, whichever of those is meant for helping with congestion, instead of giving me Mucinex or nasal spray, he would break out the bulb-style nasal aspirator.


Modern-day torture device

The first time he offered, I thought, Why not? He uses it on Little Man (a baby at the time) and it works. How nice that he’d go that far to help me feel better. I wouldn’t do it for him.

Here’s why not: it’s what I imagine it would feel like if the zombies tried to suck out my brain through my nose during the apocalypse. Instead of just sticking the tip in and suctioning a bit out, he rammed the thing up there as far as he could and I’m pretty sure he came within a millimeter or two of puncturing my brain. (That’s what she said! That’s what she said!)

It didn’t work. He insisted that I just needed to be still, stop acting like a child and squirming around, and let him do his thing.

Uh, no. This is worse than a 10-second hug from a stranger! “No, I’ll just wait and let things clear up on their own.”

It’s all fun and games until your husband chases you throughout the house, determined to use this godawful suction thing on you in an attempt to help clear up some of the crud from the monthly sinus infection.

Fast forward a few years (and a couple dozen more attempts to force the nasal suction thing on me) and we have Baby Girl. I was part of this mommy board, which I have since left, and it was recommended to use this wonderful, relatively expensive (as in I paid $30 for the device and filters compared to $2 for the bulb at CVS), non-invasive nasal suction device called the NoseFrida.

Nosefrida The Snotsucker, the doctor developed and doctor recommended nasal aspirator is the new standard in keeping babies naturally snot free. Ingeniously simple Swedish design features a tube that is placed against the nostril (not inside). Parents use their own suction to draw mucus out of their child’s nose. Disposable filters prevent any bacterial transfer. Nosefrida is easy to clean, dishwasher safe, and BPA and Phthalate free. It is superior to the bu pound aspirator, presents no risk or harm to internal nasal structures and is dramatically more efficacious.

Not as cute as it looks.

Don’t get distracted by the cute picture on the box. You see what the mom is doing there? She is gently removing snot by putting part of the contraption against the kid’s nose and putting the other end of the contraption in her mouth and sucking. She is literally sucking the snot out of her kid’s nose. With her mouth. Thanks to a nifty filter, you supposedly don’t get said snot in your mouth.

Since BG hated the suction bulb, I decided to purchase one of these. I gave it a try on the little one once and nearly threw up, so now Sam is the designated Snot Sucker user. Which he’s fine with, because Snot Czar.

See the happy baby whose mom is using the Snot Sucker on her below? That isn’t Baby Girl.


Not me. Not my child.

My child is not happy to have this contraption used on her. She doesn’t care about the extra money, the advanced snot-sucking technology, it being cleaner, or being less invasive. She hates the thing.

This does not deter our Snot Czar from using it, though. And he’s proud of it. When he took BG to the doctor when she was sick and the doc suggested he use the bulb to suction her out, he boasted that he doesn’t use those. He uses a Swedish, BPA-free NoseFrida to remove snot.

He said the doc looked rather horrified and said, “That thing you put in your mouth? You use that?”

Hell yeah he does. If he were to ever get a tattoo, I’m pretty sure he’d get the NoseFrida tattooed on his bicep. He is proud of that thing. (And I checked Google Images–no one has a NoseFrida tattoo yet that I can find, so he’d be the first!)

And not only does he use it on BG, he also tries to make Little Man and me use it. Little Man cried as much as BG when Sam tried to use it when he had a cold last week. I threatened to strangle him with it if he went near me. Leave us alone and let us be sick or you’ll become an embarrassing headline!

Here’s a rather entertaining video of some dads talking about the NoseFrida.