Things Kids Say: My Favorite Milk

So, Baby Girl is some sort of ninja. We knew the girl had skills, but didn’t quite realize the extent of those skills until the recent bout of sickness.

That’s right, I said sickness. Again. (Again. Again. Again. Because one “again” doesn’t cover it. At this point, I understand if you “X” out your browser tab for this post, since so many of my posts have been about sickness this year.)

Little Man got sick on Monday with what appeared to be the flu. He had the same symptoms as Norah did in January, plus there is an outbreak in our area. Luckily, we had the extra Tamiflu our doctor gave us back then, so we gave him that, and three days later, he was good to go back to school.

We thought we’d be safe with Baby Girl, since she had it before. Immunity or some crap, right? Obviously I either don’t know how things works or she was unlucky or something. Either way, she came down with the same symptoms on Wednesday. But she wouldn’t take her medicine.

“No, I not take that medicine. I not like it,” she told us. “No thank you!”

Fine. We’d be sneaky and put it in her drink.

We gave her some lactose-free milk. “No, not that milk. I want my milk. I not drink that. No thank you.” She hadn’t even tasted it, nor was she in the kitchen when we made it. She just knew.

We tried it with juice. We tried with a Tum-E-Yummy. We tried mixing it in ice cream. We tried soda. She wouldn’t go near any of it. Toddlers are apparently built with a radar than lets them know anytime an adult is trying to be sneaky about something they’re going to consume. It was frustrating, but I was also kinda impressed. And then we tried the same things again yesterday, without much luck at first.

“Baby Girl, if you don’t take your medicine, we’re going to have to take you to the doctor,” I told her.

“Okay!” she said brightly. “I get my ears checked and my pig’s ears checked.”

Really? She had a pretty high fever and had been lying in bed sleeping most of the day. Minutes before she could only muster up the strength to say “Hold, me Mommy” in the weakest voice ever, with her eyes closed. She was like dead weight when I picked her up, as apparently holding her arms around my neck while I carried her would have been too much physical exertion. And now she wants to get out and drive to see the doctor?

I sighed. “Maybe we’ll go tomorrow.”

We continued trying to get the medicine in her. At one point five drinks in five cups were spiked. (Don’t worry, we kept track of everything.) After more refusals, Sam finally put some medicine in whole milk (which she isn’t supposed to be drinking right now).

“Oh, it’s my favorite milk!” she said when she tasted it. And then she guzzled it down. Within the hour, her fever was down and she was running around the house fussing at Little Man for looking at her toys. Today she feels much better and has no fever, just still tired. It’s amazing how quickly kids can bounce back.


Here’s To A Less Busy Week

Super busy week is over, but not without another round of illness. (Seriously, wtf is wrong with my house? Do I need to start bathing everyone in Lysol?) A few hours after making my post about sicknesses, I went to pick up Little Man from school. He looked kinda pissed as he got in the car, so I figured he’d had a bad day. As soon as he closed the door, he said, “Mom, I feel like I’m gonna puke.”

Oh shit. “Okay, let me pull up–” and then he projectile vomited all over the car. The next few hours were rough, but fortunately it was just a 24-hour bug, and he didn’t miss out on any of his birthday festivities. Also, fortunately, no one else has gotten it yet.

Little Man’s birthday celebrations went well. He had lots of cake and got lots of nice gifts, so he was a happy boy. For those of you with younger kids — we found out that third grade is the age where parents drop off their kids and disappear for hours. Some of the parents didn’t even bother coming inside. Almost 20 wild kids and a bounce house for three hours — sweet baby Jesus, we needed some booze. Luckily my cousin, who happens to be a third grade teacher, showed up with her kiddos and helped out some.


I had the dreaded physical on Friday. Unfortunately, the doctor my family sees that we love left abruptly (family issues, we were told), so I had to see someone new. It went well, plus I found out that my cholesterol had dropped 40 points, plus I lost a little weight. I was thrilled with the cholesterol drop, down into the normal range now. That will definitely serve as motivation for improving my health in 2017. I also had an X-ray done for a nagging foot issue and found that the pain is because of a bone spur. Yuck!

Something else new in my household that isn’t health related — Baby Girl is now speaking in a British accent a lot. Her favorite new show is Peppa Pig (thanks a lot, MawMaw), and Peppa is a British show, in case you didn’t know. I swear she isn’t watching so much of it that it should be impacting her former country as hell Southern accent, but it is. It hasn’t helped that Sam and Little Man are encouraging her. So, now the little blonde headed girl that doesn’t look like she belongs to our family also doesn’t sound like she belongs with our family. I’m not traveling outside the country with her anytime soon, we’d probably be accused of kidnapping. 😉


Bad Timing, Virus

What do you get when you add a super busy week and a parent with a stomach bug together?

Nothing good!

I was in the city where I see my psychiatrist an hour away from home on Thursday when a wave of nausea hit me. I had left a store and was driving over when I began pouring sweat and feeling like I was about to puke, and then I did. Miracle of miracles, I had a bag next to me and didn’t destroy the car. I called my husband and asked him to reschedule and made the longest hour-long drive home ever.

(I’m kind of worried that I’ll still have a psychiatrist now, as I missed an appointment two weeks ago because my husband wrote down the wrong day when he called to reschedule it and then they didn’t answer when I tried to call on Thursday or Friday. They have a rule about missing two appointments and being dropped. I have no idea how strictly enforced that is, but hopefully they’ll cut me some slack.)

The next 48 hours were filled with nothing that you want to read about while zoning out browsing blogs. Hopefully no one else picks it up. Aside from not wanting people in my family to feel miserable, we’ve had puke every week since Christmas Day (which, admittedly, is only like three weeks, but feels more like three months), and it’d be nice to break that record we’re apparently going for. (On the plus side, I’ve lost 8 pounds since Thursday…all of that won’t stick, of course, but it’s still a nice silver lining until it goes away.)

On a brighter — and far less gross — note, Little Man won his school’s spelling bee last week! They had two kids from grades third through fifth, and it came down to the two third graders. He was so precious when he spelled the word for the championship. He got it right and was congratulated, and he gasped and said, “Oh my god, I won? I’ve never even been in a spelling be before and I won?!”

He will be in the district spelling bee next month, which will have him competing against kids through eighth grade! I was shocked that it wouldn’t be limited to elementary school, but hopefully he will do well. We saw a newspaper article online from last year’s district bee, and they mentioned the final eight words the last two standing had to spell, and he knew six of them. Fingers crossed!

Little Man had a science project due on Friday that he’s hoping he’ll place on (so, in between bouts of stuff you don’t want to read about, I was helping him get it put together and then found out that his project was actually due on Tuesday…sigh). He did a project on how different drinks can affect teeth using eggshells. He tested the pH level of the drinks and let it all soak for 24 hours to see which one deteriorated the eggshell the most, and (of course) my favorite — Coke — won. It was followed by wine and then coffee. It was his idea to include wine — “My favorite god is Dionysus, so we’ve gotta!” — and his teacher said some of the kids were freaking out, thinking that he actually drinks wine.

So, that’s my week. I hope y’all had a good one and will be making my way around your blogs to find out. 🙂

My Husband the Snot Czar

My husband has appointed himself the Snot Czar of our household. This means that not only does he handle his own snot and help with Baby Girl’s (she’s a baby, so he gets a pass on that), he also attempts to take it upon himself to deal with Little Man’s and mine.

Yes, mine. I’m a 31-year-old sort of adult, and my husband thinks it’s his job to clear my nasal passages.

You’re probably thinking, “Ew” and maybe even “Well, at least he cares,” but here’s how he deals with that. Instead of running the dehumidifier or cool mist sprayer, whichever of those is meant for helping with congestion, instead of giving me Mucinex or nasal spray, he would break out the bulb-style nasal aspirator.


Modern-day torture device

The first time he offered, I thought, Why not? He uses it on Little Man (a baby at the time) and it works. How nice that he’d go that far to help me feel better. I wouldn’t do it for him.

Here’s why not: it’s what I imagine it would feel like if the zombies tried to suck out my brain through my nose during the apocalypse. Instead of just sticking the tip in and suctioning a bit out, he rammed the thing up there as far as he could and I’m pretty sure he came within a millimeter or two of puncturing my brain. (That’s what she said! That’s what she said!)

It didn’t work. He insisted that I just needed to be still, stop acting like a child and squirming around, and let him do his thing.

Uh, no. This is worse than a 10-second hug from a stranger! “No, I’ll just wait and let things clear up on their own.”

It’s all fun and games until your husband chases you throughout the house, determined to use this godawful suction thing on you in an attempt to help clear up some of the crud from the monthly sinus infection.

Fast forward a few years (and a couple dozen more attempts to force the nasal suction thing on me) and we have Baby Girl. I was part of this mommy board, which I have since left, and it was recommended to use this wonderful, relatively expensive (as in I paid $30 for the device and filters compared to $2 for the bulb at CVS), non-invasive nasal suction device called the NoseFrida.

Nosefrida The Snotsucker, the doctor developed and doctor recommended nasal aspirator is the new standard in keeping babies naturally snot free. Ingeniously simple Swedish design features a tube that is placed against the nostril (not inside). Parents use their own suction to draw mucus out of their child’s nose. Disposable filters prevent any bacterial transfer. Nosefrida is easy to clean, dishwasher safe, and BPA and Phthalate free. It is superior to the bu pound aspirator, presents no risk or harm to internal nasal structures and is dramatically more efficacious.

Not as cute as it looks.

Don’t get distracted by the cute picture on the box. You see what the mom is doing there? She is gently removing snot by putting part of the contraption against the kid’s nose and putting the other end of the contraption in her mouth and sucking. She is literally sucking the snot out of her kid’s nose. With her mouth. Thanks to a nifty filter, you supposedly don’t get said snot in your mouth.

Since BG hated the suction bulb, I decided to purchase one of these. I gave it a try on the little one once and nearly threw up, so now Sam is the designated Snot Sucker user. Which he’s fine with, because Snot Czar.

See the happy baby whose mom is using the Snot Sucker on her below? That isn’t Baby Girl.


Not me. Not my child.

My child is not happy to have this contraption used on her. She doesn’t care about the extra money, the advanced snot-sucking technology, it being cleaner, or being less invasive. She hates the thing.

This does not deter our Snot Czar from using it, though. And he’s proud of it. When he took BG to the doctor when she was sick and the doc suggested he use the bulb to suction her out, he boasted that he doesn’t use those. He uses a Swedish, BPA-free NoseFrida to remove snot.

He said the doc looked rather horrified and said, “That thing you put in your mouth? You use that?”

Hell yeah he does. If he were to ever get a tattoo, I’m pretty sure he’d get the NoseFrida tattooed on his bicep. He is proud of that thing. (And I checked Google Images–no one has a NoseFrida tattoo yet that I can find, so he’d be the first!)

And not only does he use it on BG, he also tries to make Little Man and me use it. Little Man cried as much as BG when Sam tried to use it when he had a cold last week. I threatened to strangle him with it if he went near me. Leave us alone and let us be sick or you’ll become an embarrassing headline!

Here’s a rather entertaining video of some dads talking about the NoseFrida.