June 3

“Ha ha!”

Sounds pretty innocent, right? Just laughing. Chuckling. Whatever.

No.

“Ha ha!” is the sound that happens before brawls occur in my house. “Ha ha!” is what leads to Baby Girl’s shrieking so loudly that my ear drums come damn close to bursting. “Ha ha!” equals a migraine.

It all started when we got Disney+. Disny-fucking-Plus. Little Man discovered The Simpsons, watched the hell out of it, and started imitating some of the characters. This includes Nelson’s oh-so-annoying “Ha ha!”

(I can’t imagine that anyone hasn’t heard that given how long the show has been on the air, but if you haven’t, watch it before continuing this post. And then replay it 10 times in a row.)

Someone stubs their toe? He “Ha has.” Loses something? “Ha has.” Exists? “Ha ha.” It became a knee-jerk reaction with LM, one that I tried to make go away by banning The Simpsons for a while.

And then Baby Girl started “Ha ha-ing.” Same obnoxious tone. And then the tattling started big time. “Mom! She is ‘ha ha-ing’ me!” I was like, “Really, LM? You’re mad because of the thing you taught her?” I told her to cut it out, of course, but it’s like every other not-good thing he has taught her where she eventually flipped it back on him. “Idiot! Brat” Ugh.

Have y’all ever snapped at your kids:

“Stop ha ha-ing each other!”
“No more ha-has!”
“If you ha ha one more time today, no more screen!”

I sound like such an awful, crabby person.

Damn “ha has.”

Damn Simpsons. Now I see why my grandmother wouldn’t let me watch it as a kid. She said it was trashy, like Roseanne (sigh), but maybe she was on to something. She avoided the “ha has,” which my sister and I would have surely imitated and annoyed her with, too.

Nelson Ha Ha GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

I don’t know if anyone ever said it on the show, but fuck you Nelson.