My Husband The Cuddler

My husband and I are alike in a lot of ways. We generally like the same types of movies, laugh at the same weird things, share similar religious and political beliefs.

And then there are ways that we aren’t the same. For example, he’s a cuddler. I am not a cuddler. I am a “needs her own space, so back the fuck off” person. See my post Keep Your Distance to see just how much I don’t want people in my space. This doesn’t mean that I’m not affectionate with my husband–I hug him and other things–but I still want my space. Especially when I’m trying to sleep. I do not sleep with people touching me.

After I went to bed last night (a bit after my husband), he rolled over while mostly asleep to try to cuddle. As soon as I felt him roll over and sling that arm around me, my brain went:

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I could have woken him up all the way and told him to stop touching me get back on his 1/3 of the bed (he claims he only gets 1/10 thanks to my thrashing about all night, but that’s a total exaggeration), but I didn’t. I was nice. I decided to try to escape without waking him.

Do you know how hard it is to move a 200 hundred pound man? Especially one that is in a deep sleep?

It ain’t easy.

I attempted to roll him over, but barely budged him. I tried slinging his arm away, but he just slung it back. I tried moving towards the edge of the bed, but this just made him scoot even closer. I tried shoving my elbow into his chest–not hard enough to wake him, but hard enough to hurt a little to make him move.

After not having any luck, I thought, “Well, maybe I could sleep like this for one night.” My husband is always talking about how he wishes we could sleep with him holding me.

Thirty seconds later:


It wasn’t happening.

“Sam!” I hissed, trying not to startle him and wake him fully. “Move!”

Nothing. I tried again, in a louder voice, but still nothing. At this point I was half convinced he was screwing with me, since he usually hears Baby Girl before I do when she wakes up during the night.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. I picked up the book from my nightstand and dropped it on the floor, resulting in a loud bang.

He woke up.

“Huh, what?” he said, half sitting up.



“You’re on my side,” I said in a voice not unlike the one Sheldon Cooper uses to tell others they’re in his spot. “Go to yours. Love you.”

He moved.


What does your spouse do to drive you crazy? It doesn’t have to be in the bed. 😉