Things Kids Say Thursday: Messes And Germs

Both of the kids said or did something mildly amusing this week, so hooray, they served their purpose in life!

Baby Girl —

One of Baby Girl’s favorite books at the moment is If You Give A Mouse A Cookie. It’s always been a household favorite, so I’m happy that she likes it as well. Her fandom means that I get to read the aloud book dozens of times per day (which may be a slight exaggeration, but let’s just say that I don’t need the book to tell the story).

After reading it to her a few times, I usually stop at a certain point on each page to get her to help fill in. I quickly found out what she thinks happens when you give a mouse a cookie or milk.

“If you give a mouse a cookie…” I say.

“He make a mess!” she exclaims.

Indeed he does.

Now for Little Man —

Y’all know that Little Man has his quirks. He’s my and Sam’s kid, after all. One of his deals is over germs. This started when he was about two or three years old. There are exceptions to his germ worries, though. For example, dropping a cookie on the floor gets a pass.

It started out by not wanting a kiss from his relatives when he was 2 or 3. “You’ll give me germs!” The top of his head was as much as he’d tolerate. If he even suspected someone took a drink from his cup or a bite of his food (which I admit would bother me, too), he’d trash it. So, cookie from the floor of Walmart? Good. Cookie his dad bit off of? Bad.

Recently at the doctor — which he hates going to because he’s scared he’ll get sick (or sicker, if it’s not a well visit) — he gave the nurse the third degree over their thermometers. “Do you even clean those things after each use? Are you sure? Do you clean the blood pressure checker? Who cleans these books? I’m going to get sick from coming here.”

Then we found out that not only does he have a hang up over using the bathroom in public places, he also has a hang up using the bathroom at home. He called me in one day because he needed more toilet paper (a ruse, as he really wanted assistance wiping, ugh) and I saw that he’d lined the toilet seat. He apparently does this all of the time now. I clean the toilets, y’all. But that makes no difference to him. He doesn’t want “butt germs” from other people. (Maybe I’m the inconsistent one here, since I’m fine with butt germs from my family, but not from the public.)


How we feel about public restrooms around here.

The latest thing he got weirded out over was when I baked a cake over the weekend. He was raving about how good it was and asked how I make them better than anyone else he knows.

“I make my cakes [using] love,” I told him, borrowing a line from my grandmother.

He looked alarmed. “Oh my God. What does that mean?”

Sam piped up. “That means she kisses every ingredient before putting it in,” he said.

I rolled my eyes, expecting LM to know better, but he didn’t. “You kiss things? You’re putting your germs in our food?! Oh my God, I can’t eat anything you make ever again!”


It took a lot of talk for him to trust that I don’t really kiss the flour or the cocoa powder or the chocolate chips or whatever when I’m cooking.

Check out today’s taboo word below. Visit Eric, author of the All In A Dad’s Work blog and creator of the challenge, for details on participating.


Things Kids Say Thursday: He Go Night Night

One of Baby Girl’s favorite things to do is read. At the end of almost every day, we’ll have a pile of books in the floor to put back on the shelf. In fact, today was her first trip to the library. It was a risky move, taking that wild child into a place where people are expected to be quiet and not-wild. She was mesmerized by all of the books, though, and didn’t even fuss when she couldn’t hold the Batman that was on display. (That’s really saying something about the power of books.)

Sometimes when we’re reading, Baby Girl will make little comments about the pictures that cracks up Sam and me. One thing that comes up a lot is saying that one of the characters “go night-night,” when that’s not remotely what’s going on. We know that she doesn’t know any better and that it looks like that’s the case, of course, but sometimes the absurdity of thinking the character has spontaneously fallen asleep makes us giggle.

Here are a few narcoleptic characters we’ve come across lately:

This is Ladybug Girl, who appears in Ladybug Girl and Bumblebee Boy. In the midst of her superhero duties, she went night-night on this little ride-on toy (not exactly the best thing to get a good night’s sleep on). Perhaps an ER deductible is in her future?

Minnie Mouse went night-night, too. Having a hairbow party really takes a lot out of a person. Or maybe she was just bored to death. Lord knows I would be.

This is from a pop-up book about tales from the Bible. This particular picture goes with the story of the Good Samaritan. Apparently what happened here was someone went night-night on the side of the road and no one would stop to help except for that one guy.

In addition to going night-night, this is also another of my Doppelgangers. Sam said that it looked like I’d had too much fun the night before.

This is from our favorite book to read, The Mine-o-Saur. It’s about a little wild dinosaur who doesn’t share. At one point, after being a little asshole and taking stuff from his classmates several times, the other dinosaurs turn their backs on him go in full shun mode, which Baby Girl thinks is the other dinosaurs going night-night. “We’ll show him…group snoozefest in 1…2…3!”

On another note, Little Man said that maybe BG is so wild because I’ve read this to her so many times. Sigh.

What’s your favorite kid’s book?

Thought I’d mention that we got a couple of these books in the mail — for free — from the Dolly Parton Imagination Library. Check out the info to sign up here if you have a child under age five; they get a free book every month.

The Rules For Reading Books, According to Little Man

Last year, Little Man wrote a book for my birthday called How To Play Batman. It was a cute book of about 8 pages, with his story (well, instructions for playing) and illustrations. He even had a page at the very back that listed himself as the author and illustrator, plus the date he published it.

Next to the page with all of that information was a page offering instructions for handling books. I suppose he thought his mom was a shitty reader of books and needed help, so as not to fuck up Batman.

LM found the book on my bookshelf yesterday and asked me if I remembered him making it, which I did. He then asked whether we could consider donating this book, plus the ten others he plans to create, to the library for everyone else to enjoy. I told him we’d have to think about that, since I wasn’t sure I wanted to part with the book(s) just yet.

Anyway, if you’re an avid reader or a non-avid reader, check out his list to make sure you aren’t fucking up reading: 

What to not do with books:

First: don’t read books in the bath tub.

Next: don’t drink or eat while you’re reading.

Then: when you are messy don’t read.

And: don’t sit by fire when you’re reading.

Last: don’t eat the pages in the book.

The last one is funny!

I’m pretty sure that was one of LM’s first attempts at leaving me a passive-aggressive note, as I do pretty much all of those things. Except for read next to the fireplace, as I don’t want to catch on fire. But at least he was looking into future things I could to do fuck up while reading.

While on the subject of passive-aggressiveness, what is the funniest passive-aggressive remark that’s been lobbed at you? 


Weekend Coffee Share: The Kids, Kindle, and Cleaning

Screenshot 2015-04-19 at 5.24.12 PM

Hey y’all–grab a caffeinated beverage and join me as I ramble on about my week. I would offer you a homemade chocolate chip cookie had a certain little boy in my house not devoured nearly the entirely container. (He was kind–he left one each for his dad and me, but I was so overcome by his thought that I promptly handed it over. He probably anticipated that.)

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that Little Man has been out of school for one full week now. I’d like to tell you that his days have been filled with every kickass artsy, sciencey project under the sun, but then I’d be lying. Instead, it has been a total lazy week of lounging around the house, playing video games, going on bug hunts and frog hunts (outside, not inside), watching SlugTerra (the cartoon that currently holds the status of Worst Kids Show in my book), and reading.

Yep, that’s a frog. Nope, he wasn’t allowed to keep it.

FYI-if your kid doesn’t read as much as you’d like and you can’t seem to get him unglued from the screen, then put the Kindle app on your kid’s tablet. Little Man hasn’t even thought of playing a game on his tablet since I put that on there. We are trying out a free one-month trial to Kindle Unlimited, and there are a ton of books that he wants to read, so yay–this would totally balance out the late fees I pay at the library.

On that note–I have been enjoying the hell out of the Kindle app on my tablet as well. I’m someone who swore up and down that she’d never get into the e-reader thing, but I have to admit I like it. I just keep an old book by my side to sniff every so often, that way it still feels sorta the same. (Just kidding.) I finished up Wally Lamb’s She’s Come Undone and absolutely loved it–highly recommend reading it.

Over our hopefully highly caffeinated beverages, I’d tell you that I’ve been pretty busy the past few days getting in a little late spring cleaning. How is it possible to accumulate so much junk? Especially when we regularly clean out and donate to Goodwill? I’m pretty sure our junk mates with each other and multiplies. I worked on the kitchen on Saturday, pulled everything out of the cabinets, wiped them down, put stuff aside to donate. It’s still not all put back together, but when it is, everything will be nice and organized.

We are having Baby Girl’s first birthday party in a couple of weeks and have invited a few family members/friends to our house, so I’m hoping that if I tackle a room per day that things will be decent enough that I don’t move it to the pizza place at the last minute. (I’m very particular about my house, and if things aren’t perfect, then I’m not having guests over.)

One negative for the week–the writing job is not panning out. Boo. Since I usually only have time to write without distractions at the end of the day, all of the topics have already been picked over. It would have been nice to have been told this before the training, creating new social media accounts, etc., especially since I made it clear that I’d be keeping odd hours. Oh well. I’ll resume my search after Little Man goes back to school in the fall and clutter up WordPress with my ramblings in the meantime.

That’s my week. Tell me what’s new with you!

Weekend Coffee Share: Books, Vacation, and Productivity

Screenshot 2015-04-19 at 5.24.12 PM

Good morning! Have you ever had orange Gatorade in a coffee mug? That’s what I’m having again this morning, but if you prefer actual coffee, I have that, too.

So, if you were having Gatorade/coffee and I was having Gatorade, I’d tell you that I finally finished reading Wally Lamb’s Couldn’t Keep It To Myself. It only took me about four months, which is a far cry from the 2-3 days is usually takes me to read something.

Now I’m reading three more books: Wally Lamb’s She’s Come Undone, Bessel van der Kolk’s The Body Keeps the Score, and Sarahbeth Caplin’s Confessions of a Prodigal Daughter. And…I’m reading all of these on the Kindle app on my iPad/iPhone. This, from the person who said she’d never forsake books.

I’m still waiting to hear more from the company that offered me a writing job. They wanted to know what hours I would be available, so I sent them my schedule. Hopefully they won’t be scared off by it, but they did say in the original listing that it would be for odd hours (it’s only part-time, of course). Whatever happens, happens. My husband is probably right that it’s not the best time for me to start a new job, but no harm in trying!

I would also tell you that we have our family vacation locked in–a week at the beach at the end of June. Now, if only a tropical storm doesn’t come through! The first five nights will be with the kids, and then my husband will meet his mom to drop them off, and the two couples that we are really close with will come down for the final two nights.

Over our drinks, I would also tell you that this has been a very productive week for me! I’ve been on top of everything around the house for a change, and here we sit on a Saturday morning and things aren’t in a total state of disrepair. So, our weekend is off to a more relaxing start. We plan to put some bookcases together this weekend for LM’s room and for ours, which will help decrease some clutter.

Well, that’s about all for now!

Now you know what my week looked like, so what’s going on in your life?