Don’t you just love election time? It’s always lovely to see a group of servants work their hardest at promoting their qualities that would keep our country moving in a progressive direction. Or something like that.
Today’s textspeak can be used when discussing politics with your friends:
It’s not (but, yeah, he’s GMV). It’s also not going to be about how shitty the other candidates are. Instead, I’m gonna do something a little more fun.
Do you ever ask yourself who you’d appoint to help you run things if you became Queen of the World? Or President? No? Well, if you aren’t regularly sizing up your friends based on the GMV factor, then you’re doing things wrong.
As you’ve probably gleaned by now, I’ve created my own little government of sorts, and I can promise you it’s full of people who would make the contenders in the U.S. primaries look like weak little shits. This government’s purpose is to rule over the blogosphere. There will be no promises of making the blogging community great again, but we’ll do things. The things we do may or may not be helpful, but they’ll be funny. And if you don’t think they’re funny, then we can probably arrange for a virtual wall to be built on your dime to keep you away.
Without further ado, I give you the people who GMV for the little dictatorship that’s going to rock the blogging world. If your name isn’t up here, then I guess you should have done a little better on the bribery end of things.
The President – Obviously that’s me. My qualities include being great at delegating any and all responsibilities and avoiding conflict. The most scandalous thing you’ll see during my time in office is that I far too often shirk my responsibilities for a Netflix binge. One day it will be revealed that Little Man was really the brains behind this operation.
The Vice President – Watch out for John — they don’t call him John the Basterd for no reason, after all. He’s ruthless, and is known for his ability to reduce a person to a quivering pile of goo with his sharp tongue, which makes him a great enforcer for this government. If anyone gets shot while hunting with John, you can pretty much guarantee that it wasn’t an accident.
The Assistant – (Okay, “Assistant” is kind of a sucky title, but blame the graphic I stole.) Meet Laura, the Assistant aka my Foul Language Czar. You’ve probably noticed that four-letter words are a thing on my slice of blog heaven, and Laura will make sure that continues. Not only that, but she’ll make sure that we stay up to date with cursing trends. We’re pretty sure her little guy is the one starting these trends, but either way, no one will accuse this government of not being with the times.
The Prime Minister – Remember all the shirking of the responsibilities? Well, someone has to keep shit afloat, and it’s Eric. No matter how much has has on his plate, he gets the job done, partly because he ignores child labor laws and enlists the help of his sons Crash and Bang, partly because he’s just that good.
The Opposition – You’re probably thinking that Joey would have made a great #2, and that’s true. She was all set for that spot until my research team uncovered her devious plan to remove me from the throne. Some people prefer a good old fashioned assassination, but her plan was to force me to listen to audio readings of the 50 Shades series until I went nuts. She’s now engaging in a mudslinging campaign to bring us all down. Watch out for her.
Thanks for being willing participants, y’all 🙂
Alternative meanings: None, unless you want to create your own textspeak acronym.
Textspeak I passed up: G2G (got to go), GI (google it), GMAB (give me a break), GNOC (get naked on cam), GILF (grandmother I’d like to fuck), and GOB (game on bitches).
Who would you say GMV for your blogging government?