1825 Days

So, I recently got a notification from WordPress congratulating me on my fifth-year anniversary of creating my blog. Five years is a long damn time and is certainly longer than I imagined blogging when I first started. Granted, I took the better part of a year off from this blog (although I continued to blog on the other site, so there’s that), but I’m here now at least. I’m gonna do a tiny bit of reflecting on the last five years.

When I first started the blog, it was called “Blogging for Therapy.” I was dealing with severe depression and anxiety at the time, and I thought actual therapy was bullshit, so writing seemed like the perfect outlet.

And it did help somewhat. Being able to get my thoughts and feelings out (most of which were later deleted, because cringe) in what I considered a safe space was good for me. I know sometimes I got way too inside my head and rambled almost incoherently, but it was still better than sitting around keeping things bottled up. Writing out stuff like that can really help make certain situations become clearer. And maybe some shit isn’t as bad as it seems at first.

What helped even more than writing was the support I received from other bloggers who could relate. After I was encouraged to try therapy, I finally did, a year or so into my blog journey. I found an excellent therapist who was incredibly helpful, and my anxiety went from a 15 on a scale of 1 to 10 to a 4 on an average day. It’s so damn nice not to be constantly ready to go off the deep end. Sure, there’s always some anxiety there (and I imagine that’s due, in part, to my personality), but I know how to manage it now. And getting with a different psychiatrist and being diagnosed and medicated correctly helped a lot with the severe depression. Things aren’t perfect, of course, but manageable, which is everything. I only wish I had done this years ago instead of wasting Baby Girl’s infant/baby time trying to keep my shit together (and often failing).

And then there has been all of the blogging about the kids, which is what I post about more these days. The boy was 6 and the girl was a couple months old when I created this blog. And now, as most of y’all know, I now have a 6th grader and kindergartener. Time really does pass by far too quickly. It doesn’t seem like that long ago that I wrote about a little boy getting bit by an ant while disturbing an ant pile to try to find the queen ant and see her crown. It was obvious that BG was a force to be reckoned with when she was only a few months old, and that has certainly held true.

As for me, I was 30 and worried about getting old and leaving behind my youth (because apparently up through 29 = youth). Now I’m almost 36 and am not too concerned with being older. (Dying, on the other hand, is a different story. I creep out my husband when I get worried about that and ask him why he isn’t bothered about being halfway done with his life.) When I first started blogging, one of my hopes was to publish something one day. And I did — a few things, actually. The first thing I published was a story I wrote on this blog while hypomanic and being unable to sleep. Thanks, blog!

So, five years. Hundreds of days, hundreds of posts, thousands of comments. Happy blogiversary to me and thanks for following along. I get cake now, rightt?

Saturday Randomness

Yay, it’s the weekend!

And, yay, both sets of grandparents invited the kids over for Friday and Saturday! That means double weekend date night, a first in the history of Baby Girl. My husband and I went out last night to our favorite Italian restaurant and I had my usual chicken parm. (Obviously the 30-day keto challenge got postponed dammit.) It was so damn good. I had leftovers and threatened my husband’s life if he dared touch them like he did last time.

He also ordered a slice of chocolate cake, which ended up being enough for four people.

Yum.

I texted LM during the meal and taunted him with the cake, which didn’t amuse him very much.

Not shown is the other half of the cake, which we did bring home for the boy.

I doubt we’ll go anywhere tonight, so it’ll be a stay-at-home date night. He has whiskey and I’ll have rum and vodka, so we’ll do Hulu and for-real chill.

It looks like we’ll have guests in a few weeks. My in-laws are moving their mobile home and asked to stay with us for a few days. I love them to death, but am not looking forward to it, mostly because my father-in-law is the loudest person in the world. And as someone who a) takes out her hearing devices around him and b) is mostly deaf in one ear and has a severe loss in the “good” ear, that’s saying something. He and BG get going and it’s so loud that you literally can’t converse with anyone else in the room. Hello, headache town. They’ve always been good to us, though, so we could never say no to helping them out. I will be buying a new bottle of Excedrin migraine reliever, though.

This past school week ended up being good for BG for the most part. We had minimal crying in the mornings. On Thursday night, though, she had a meltdown of epic proportions because she didn’t want to go to school. She was in the bathtub of all place, and when it was time to wash up and get out, she refused because getting cleaned meant she had to go to bed soon and going to bed soon meant she had school in the morning. Oh my god, y’all. I came in to find her in the corner of the tub out of my husband’s reach (it’s a large garden tub) throwing water toys at him. I couldn’t get her to come to me, either, so I was like “fuck it” and got in.

Imagine this:

Except for it’s a 33-pound kid who is wet and somewhat sudsy from the bubble bath. And there’s also legs kicking, fingers clawing, and teeth attempting to bite. Plus screaming. Holy fucking hell. That’s the worst meltdown I’ve seen in a while. Lawdamercy Jesus, as my grandmother would say. We needed a truck load of Xanax after that.

We’ve been getting our Halloween costume plans together. Looks like we’ll do another family thing this year, and this time it’ll be Marvel Cinematic Universe inspired. BG is planning to be either Groot or Rocket or Loki, with a lean towards Groot because she wants to play “Mr. Blue Sky” on the phone and dance to it while trick-or-treating. I’m going as 90s grungy Carol Danvers, my husband is planning to be Bruce Banner mid Hulk-out, and the boy wants to be either Hawkeye or Black Panther. I love doing the family costumes! Last year we did the Incredibles and a year or two before that, we did DC. Now if our hell-on-earth state could just shift over to fall-like weather…

I’ve been thinking about a blog makeover. Maybe come up with a new name for it. Hmm.

What randomness would you like to share from your week?

Wednesday Funnies

It’s time for a few funny — or at least mildly amusing — things the kids have said over the past week.

Little Man and I have been playing Words With Friends with each other. (If you wanna play, you can find me at “supmynerds.”) I know we could play Scrabble, but this is much more convenient since we can just play it as we go. We were playing last night when the boy started giggling like crazy.

“Wait till you see what I put,” he said, still snickering. “It’s so inappropriate!”

I opened up the app wondering if “fart” or “poop” had made an appearance yet again. Nope. He spelled:

SEX

I chuckled. Here we go with the dirty middle schooler brain. (Or what he thinks is being dirty, anyway.) I imagine it won’t be long before “That’s what she said” clicks for him. Right now, he’s mostly chiming in with “That’s what she said” for perfectly innocent comments like, “I’m running to Wal-Mart now” or “Let’s watch something on TV.”


Over the weekend, the kids were tasked with picking up their toys in the living room and their bedrooms. BG was dragging ass, as usual, since cleaning is “the most yucky thing EVER.” (She usually changes her tune a bit when I bring out a trash bag to bag up her yucky toys to take to storage.) LM picked up something of hers in the living room and tossed it in the floor of her bedroom, which she took issue with.

“Hey! You’re not supposed to throw toys in the floor, LM. Pick it up and put it where it goes!”

“You’re a good one to talk,” LM said. “You’ve got toys all over your floor.”

BG huffed. “Well, you shouldn’t try to be like me.”

Cue LM getting the giggles.


This one started out rather annoying. LM had open house at school last week. He led us around to meet his teachers and got pissy when we wanted to meet all of the teachers on one hall before going to another.

“We need to go in order,” he insisted. “We have to go in the order the classes on my schedule is in.”

Walking all over the building from one end to the other multiple times in the crowded as fuck hallways? Uh-uh. Plus, we needed to hurry along and pick up BG so we could do dinner and baths and get in bed on time. We explained this, which put him in a hell of a mood. He walked to a couple of classes and glumly pointed out what they were and would try to take off before we could even speak to the teacher. By the time we were 2/3 of the way through the schedule, we were getting irritated.

And then we went to the gym.

The kid who wasn’t very happy about being pulled from a computer class (they put him in the same one twice) and moved to PE completely lit up.

“And this is where we have PE!” he said excitedly. “Come on, I want to show you something cool.”

He practically drug us to…

*drumroll*

The boys’ locker room. And it smelled like ass. I wasn’t sure what “cool” thing I was going to look at in the gym, but a gross locker room wasn’t on the list of possibilities.

“Come on, let’s check out everything. I can show you where I change and my locker and the football equipment.”

The PE teacher came in just then and totally cracked up. He said that was the first time a kid wanted to show off the locker room. We didn’t hang around in there long, because it seriously stunk. At least he got excited about something, though.

On another note, the teachers we got to talk to seemed to like LM. His English teacher especially. She mentioned how well-behaved and respectful he was and commented on how if she hadn’t seen his 504 Plan that she wouldn’t have known he had ADHD. That’s probably due to a combination of his meds and how much he enjoys their class. They switch up classes this week, so she’ll have in in the afternoon instead of the morning, so we’ll see if the meds are still working their magic by then.

Happy Wednesday!

Yet Another Lazy Weekend

The quality of my sleep has been garbage for the past couple of months. I’ve been falling asleep okay, which is a nice change from lying awake tossing and turning with a million thoughts racing through my head, but I still wake up feeling exhausted. That likely has something to do with Baby Girl joining us in the middle of the night. And laying with her head in my neck at times and kicking the ever loving shit out of my back at others. She joined us last night, too, but she got up with her dad at 7:30 and I slept until 10:30 this morning, so I feel good. It is so damn nice to wake up feeling refreshed.

We had a lazy weekend last week, and this one has been the same so far. My clothing changes have been limited to putting on fresh pajamas and I haven’t had to so much as touch a bra.

I’ll take swinging low at home any day over those damn restrictive bras.

I miss watching the kids play sports, but it nice to not have anywhere to be on Saturdays. (And three evenings during the week for more games and practices.) It’s good for LM to get a break, and BG didn’t want to play soccer anyway. I imagine we’ll sign her up in the spring whether she wants to or not just to get her out there and have her try again and see how it goes. Unless the boy does the winter play, all we’ll have to focus on is school until next February when soccer starts.

It’s almost fall, y’all. Soon enough I’ll be able to wear my preferred blue jeans and flannel shirts, which make me look manly instead of cute, but I love them. Fall is absolutely my favorite time of the year. We’re planning a weekend trip to the mountains in late October to see the leaves changing. That doesn’t sound very exciting, but it’s so lovely to look at. Plus it’ll be much cooler there than it is here, so bonus points.

With this being the first day of September, we’re starting a 30-day keto challenge. We’ve been doing keto or low carb on and off since April. I’m down a little over 30 pounds since starting, which is nice! I want to get back on only keto for a while since that seems to help my cravings better, plus I lost weight more quickly than only counting calories. I’m hoping to hit the 50-pound mark by my birthday. If I do, that’ll be my lowest weight since graduating from college and getting married. Fingers crossed.

Katie bug went to the market to get decorations for Christmas. She checked them out, then she went home. Then she watched a show. The End.

The girl crawled up next to me on the couch while I was writing and asked me to write out that “story” for her. She said she’s a writer now. ❤ And then she headbutted me on my forehead because she wants to start “head bumping” which is “like fist bumping, but better” she said. No, child, just no. I hope she doesn’t try to make that a thing at school.

Happy long weekend to those of y’all who get tomorrow off!

Anxious Kid And Reflux

Baby Girl has been having some reflux issues for the past two or three weeks. She has thrown up during the night twice, she complains about feeling nauseous sometimes after eating or drinking, and she has dry heaved after some of her meals. I had scheduled an appointment with her pediatrician for next week, and the reflux stuff was in full swing on Wednesday. She woke up around midnight and threw up once, and we got her cleaned up and back to sleep in our bed quickly. She dry heaved a little after breakfast that morning, but nothing came out and she seemed fine otherwise, so I took her to school.

BG cried about going to school again, which is par for the course. It didn’t help matters at all when we got to the school and the principal wasn’t out there with his dog. (The dog cuddles make her perk up a lot and then she goes into the building without issue.) She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the dog was missing and nearly had a meltdown. We sat on a bench outside for a while until she calmed down enough to go to class.

The school nurse called around 11:30 saying that BG was throwing up. The nurse said that BG told her she had thrown up that morning, “yet you brought her to school anyway.” I told her that I’d come get her, but tried to explain about her reflux issues, which she wasn’t having. I understand how frustrating it has to be when parents knowingly bring their kids to school sick and get everyone else sick, but that wasn’t the case. I should’ve messaged her teacher about it, though, so that’s on me.

When I got to the school, the nurse brought out BG. She said that BG told her teacher she felt nauseous, so her teacher sent her down. The nurse said that BG threw up twice, but nothing came out. That’s not throwing up and lines up with what I said about reflux, but okay. The nurse said BG didn’t have a fever and that another kid had a virus and was throwing up. I asked if that child had a fever.

“I wouldn’t know. Her parents didn’t bring her to school since she was sick.”

Argh. I again tried explaining about reflux, since those are the symptoms she had before, and that I wouldn’t have brought her to school if I thought she had something viral, but I could tell she thought it was bullshit. I guess I’m now that mom.

As soon as we walked out of the school, BG perked up and asked if I’d take her to Zaxby’s for lunch and get a grilled cheese. Hmm…surely my child wasn’t playing up feeling bad to get out of school, right? I got her a sandwich, but she just picked at it, so probably not. After we got home, I rescheduled the appointment with her pediatrician for the following day. On the off chance she did have something viral on top of the reflux, I wasn’t going take her to school anyway. She did more of the retching with nothing coming out. She took a nap and ate a decent supper, but woke up during the night after legit throwing up again.

When Baby Girl woke up yesterday, she asked if she had to go to school again. “I hate school! I don’t wanna go ever again!” (For the record, she has no specific complaints about school and seems to like her teacher a lot.) I told her she was getting the day off and that we were going to see her doctor, which made her happy. “Yay! I haven’t seen my doctor in a long, long time. I can’t wait!” (She saw her doctor in July for a well check-up, so it hasn’t been that long lol.) She didn’t eat much breakfast again and did a little more dry heaving.

We didn’t have to wait long to see the pediatrician. She chatted with BG for a bit and asked about school. We went over her symptoms, and the doctor said it sounded like reflux to her, too. She said she wants BG to go on a bland diet for a couple of weeks (no problem there, lol) and wants her to take a daily acid reflux pill and Tums or Rolaids as needed. I asked how to get her to take the acid reflux pill, as getting the child to take medicine has been the most challenging part of parenting her. She suggested opening up the capsule and mixing in the contents with a bite of yogurt. I’ve tried mixing medicine with food before and it didn’t work, but hadn’t tried yogurt.

The doctor told us she thought anxiety about school was contributing to BG’s reflux kicking up. Poor kiddo. She said if BG wasn’t significantly improved in a couple of weeks, that she wanted her to have an endoscopy to make sure there wasn’t anything else going on. I told the doctor about the interaction with the school nurse and asked what to do about that, since BG couldn’t very well come home every time she felt nauseous or dry heaved. They get 10 sick days, and she’s going to use five of those for her tonsillectomy next month. The doctor wrote a note to give to the school explaining that BG’s nausea and any throwing up were due to reflux and not anything contagious. She also put her line for the nurse to call if she needed a further explanation about BG’s condition. I’ve talked to BG’s teacher since, and we’re on the same page. I really hate that I didn’t contact her about it sooner and am not sure why I didn’t think of it.

I didn’t send in BG today because she slept awful last night. Her dad let her take a nap in the evening while I was out, and y’all know how that goes. She woke up at midnight and didn’t go asleep again. There was no way she would’ve made it through the day. I tried the yogurt trick this morning and it worked — my daughter actually took medicine without a battle! Huuuuge parenting win. The bigliest. BG seems to feel much better this afternoon. With the long weekend coming up, hopefully a few more doses of that medicine and not letting her eat a few things that could’ve been worsening the reflux will have her back to normal.

I hope BG’s school anxiety will get better soon. Her doctor recommended a book about kids with anxiety, so I’m going to read that and see if I can find something that’ll help with her. I’m going to bring it up to her occupational therapist, who has been working with her on coping skills for different situations. We also have an appointment with a play therapist next month, so if she’s not doing better by then, maybe that therapist will be able to help. Fingers and all the things crossed.

Tuesday Brain Dump

“I bet you’re getting a lot of writing done now.”

Three people have said this to me over the past week. Each time I smiled and nodded enthusiastically in a way that indicated I was indeed working on the next big thing. Look at me, with all my free time, being productive! My stepmom, who never takes an interest in anything I do, took an interest and asked what. Dammit, woman. I told her about an outline for a YA novel I wrote several months ago because I wasn’t admitting to working on nothing right now and sounding lazy. I don’t know why they expect me to be writing so much in the week the kids have been back to school.

In reality, I’ve written nothing more than some blog stuff. I’m sure I’ll get around to working on that outline or some other outline that probably won’t go anywhere, because my ability to finish a writing project that is longer than 20 pages doesn’t exist it seems, but right now, nada.

So, I didn’t get the Big Job, it appears. I wrote about being sent a contract for a writing job and then not hearing anything back after signing the contract. I went against my husband’s advice and reached out and heard nothing. I’m not sure why you would send someone a contract and then not give them actual work, but whatever. I’m equal parts bummed and relieved because with riding all over the country for these kids’ schools, BG’s therapy, and other crap, I’m not sure where a fullish time job would fit right now. Okay, maybe it’s not equal parts anything (I’m 90% bummed), but I guess it’s sort of a silver line? Hmm.

I whined to my husband about it. He told me not to worry and that I didn’t need to move into something so quickly anyway. I ignored him and whined more about wanting to make money and feeling like things don’t ever work out, which made him roll his eyes. Mr. Corporate America himself told me I shouldn’t be selling myself out for corporate America in the first place. Okay, then. I’m allowed to be disappointed. 

Yesterday LM asked me for some needle-nose pliers and wire cutters. I gave them to him, happy to see that he was building something. And then I asked what he was making.

“A lock-picking kit for school.”

I asked why.

“In case I forget my combination. There’s a place for a key in the back. I could whip out my lock-picking kit and get in.”

Oh boy. I told him nope because the school has a master key for those locks, and I was pretty sure that they’d frown on a student being able to open every locker in the school. Also, carrying around a bunch of wires in his pocket would not be good. He didn’t understand why. Really, son? You don’t know why poky wires in your pocket near your junk isn’t a good idea? Hmm.

He decided that he’d continue with his set anyway so he could open any door in our house. He wanted to be able to get in the front door if we got locked out and couldn’t find the spare.

First, you really have no concern for the poky wires, do you?
Second, you are so not fucking with the door that is already fucked up. I can barely get in as it is.

The kid ended up locking himself out of the bathroom in an effort to show off his lock-picking abilities. The bathroom has an exterior door on it for whatever reason, so it has a real lock. One that we don’t have the key for. LM offered to kick down the door, noting that it’s possible he’d break the wood but that the hinges would probably be okay. My husband got it open.

Whew, BG was a mess to get ready for school this morning. She refused to open her eyes, because if her eyes weren’t open, then she wasn’t awake and couldn’t go to school. That’s how she explained it, anyway. I got the pajamas off her little stiff-as-a-board body and dressed her. After getting her shoes on and telling her that she really need to stop messing around so I could brush her teeth and hair, the waterworks and kicking and screaming began. After I got her calmed down, I carried her out to the bathroom and found LM dancing while drinking a Capri Sun. He wasn’t fully dressed, of course. We got out the door on time, though, and LM didn’t forget his backpack like he did yesterday.

I took BG for breakfast at the place with the legit best chicken sandwiches. She did not eat, but at least we got a picture of her favorite stuffie of the day.

Weekend Coffee Share: School And Stuff

If we were having coffee, I wouldn’t bitch and moan about the heat today. We’re getting some respite from the heat this weekend, with highs in the upper 70s. It’s accompanied by clouds and rain, so it’s rather dreary, but I’ll take dreary over 90s any day. Our area has had almost 60 days of weather in the 90s (real feel in low 100s typically, thanks to humidity), and that is more than this time last year, which ended up 74 miserable days. So, this break is welcomed with open arms, even if it’s rainy.

That’s not us this weekend, yay!

If you were actually at my house for coffee right now, you’d probably give me a pat on the back for having a reasonably tidy house. I missed the kids while they were off at school this week, but my house is not a disaster zone, and for that I am grateful. Silver linings, amirite? I’ve got a load of clothes going and need to wipe down the table from this morning, but otherwise, it’s all good. I wouldn’t even turn someone away from my doorstep if they came up unexpectedly, and that’s saying something for me. (They’d have to wait while I put on a bra, but that’s it.)

You’d probably ask how the kids’ first week of school ended, so I’d tell you that LM’s ended on a very positive note. He had zero complaints for the week, enjoys all of the teachers he has met, and has made a couple of nerdy friends. The boy also made a 97 on his English quiz and a 95 on a math quiz. As long as he stays on top of his assignments and turns things in this year, he should do just fine. (He had a few Cs and Ds on his progress reports for not turning in stuff last year, so I’m hoping that won’t be an issue!)

Baby Girl, on the other hand, is still trying to adjust as I mentioned in another post. She doesn’t have any specific complaints, and she seems to like her teacher, but she has cried in the mornings and at night a lot and says she doesn’t want to go. Part of it is she’s just not sleeping long enough, despite lying down early. She also wakes up in the night, so she’s understandably very tired. Hopefully when she gets those tonsils out next month, I think she’ll sleep better. Even if she doesn’t fall asleep earlier, she’ll get a better night’s rest at least.

The principal greats her every morning and lets her cuddle his dog, so that usually perks her up before she goes inside. I should probably make a point of asking if she gets upset or has a meltdown if they’ll take her down to cuddle the dog for a bit. We will have a meeting to go over a 504 Plan soon, so I’ll bring it up then. Hopefully the coming week will be easier for her! I know it would take time for any kid to get adjusted, and even more so for one who is having sleep issues and is on the spectrum. It just breaks my heart to see her so upset.

We have no real plans for the weekend. My husband originally wanted to go to the zoo since the weather was supposed to be cooler, but it’s a) rainy and b) the kids are tired and want to hang around the house. We can always do the zoo in the fall. My friend messaged me about going to dinner tonight, so I may do that, but that’s it if anything. I may also have a drink or two or three tonight. Lazy weekends are the best, especially when they come on the heels of an exhausting week!

How was your week?

Weekend Coffee Share is hosted by Eclectic Alli

Friday Funnies

This has been an exhausting week, but I’ll save all that for another post. For now, I’m gonna focus on a few things that made me chuckle this week.

My husband’s uncle is on Facebook. He’s in his 80s and is quite a piece of work (he once told my husband all Obama supporters should get out of the country). My husband showed me something he posted this week that had us both laughing.

Nope, you’re not gonna find friends on Facebook by posting a status, dude. The funny thing about this is that he has multiple Facebook profiles (two with his name misspelled, including this one), and he has added himself to his other accounts. And I don’t even get that last thing. Why would you do that? My husband’s dad has ten, yes TEN, Facebook accounts that we know of, and he adds himself to all of his other profiles.


Coming in the year 2040: MarsFrog Frozen Yogurt. It will be available on the planet Neptune. Originally, it was going to be on the moon, but Baby Girl changed it to Neptune. She decided that after she becomes an astronaut, she’s opening up her own frozen yogurt shop. Fine by me, because I love the stuff. She asked me to go through astronaut training so I can come with her and help with her shop. I agreed. She’s still deciding what she wants to have on her toppings bar.


I swear, sometimes I still feel like I’m dealing with a toddler. Last night, I succeeded in pissing off Baby Girl while giving her a bath. Somehow we started talking about our vacation for next summer, and I told her we were cruising to Mexico. She asked what language they speak there and I told her Spanish. BG said she didn’t want to go there because she doesn’t know enough of the language to talk to them. I explained that many people there also speak English like she does, so she’d be fine.

“I don’t speak English,” she said.

“Yes, you do.”

“NEVER! I would never speak English! I talk regular.”

I told her that English was the language she was speaking at that moment, which caused her to start thrashing around and yelling. After she calmed down, I explained that England, another country, colonized this country, which is why we speak English. She seemed satisfied with that and stopping fussing over it.

Of all the ways I can piss her off, I would never have imagined that would be one of them.


That’s all I’ve got for now. Happy Friday 🙂