Facial Hair and Tattling (Day 10)

This is gonna be a weird one, because I’m going to talk about facial hair in women. Specifically, me.

I should’ve learned not to shave additional areas of my body, beyond legs and armpits, years ago. When I was in high school, I saw the tiniest bit of peach fuzz on the tops of my hands and belly. Shaved it, the belly hairs grew in dark instead of blond. Ugh, so now that gets handled regularly and has developed more over time. The hand hair is mild and barely noticeable, but it was enough to know I shouldn’t have shaved there.

I don’t know if it’s just getting older, hormones, genes, or what, but my face is getting hairy. Brown and blonde hairs popping up all over. There were the few stray chin hairs, which turned into more. And then the sides of my face (kinda where men would have sideburns and muttonchops) developed peach fuzz. And some new hair came up around my temples and spread out close to my eyebrows. Then there’s the bit of above-the-lip hair.

I’ve wanted electrolysis for more than a decade, back when that bit of fuzz over the lip appeared. My husband has maintained all along that it’s not noticeable to anyone but me, but then sometime at the end of the last year, Little Man made a comment about how I had a mustache.

Oh no.

I looked around online to see what would be best — bleaching, Nair remover, or shaving. I came across an eyebrow razor that said it removes peach fuzz and exfoliates the skin. Since it’s not a regular razor, I just thought it would be different somehow and that I wouldn’t have to worry about removing the fuzz again for a while. Well, eyebrow razors work exactly the same as regular razors in that they shave the hair. (And the fact that I was even somewhat surprised there shows my stupidity with all this crap.) I realized this after doing my upper lip. And then I thought maybe I should stop there, but thought the peach fuzz on the side of my face might stand out more, so I shaved that, too. And then I decided that there should be no hair near where I pull back my hair near the ears when I do a ponytail (you know how there’s always baby hairs that won’t pull back on the way?) and decided to shave all that off, too.

Shaving my face? Mistake. Shaving the “baby hairs” where I pull back my hair for a ponytail? Huge mistake. The peach fuzz bits are all growing in much darker as opposed to being blondish, and where I pull back my hair just looks awful. I look like I have a 5 o’clock shadow after a few days.

Big Mistake...HUGE! – Brandon Steiner

Again, my husband said it looks fine and that I should stop looking at it with a 10x magnifying mirror, but he also got reading glasses recently because he can’t so much as read the texts on his phone without difficulty anymore.

Sigh.

Don’t shave anything extra.

Did you enjoy learning about my hair maintenance woes? Probably not. Here’s a story about the kids from yesterday to make up for it.

Yesterday evening, I heard the kids yell, “Mom!” “Mommy!” in angry voices. They can running into the kitchen.

“Don’t tell her!” Baby Girl said.

“Oh, I’m gonna tell her,” Little Man said.

I don’t wanna be told. 

“I said ‘DON’T!” Baby Girl shouted. “Mommy, order him not to tell you.”

“Little Man, don’t tell me,” I said, “as long as Baby Girl tells me herself.”

“What?” Baby Girl responded.

“Tell me what you did yourself, and then LM doesn’t have to tell me,” I answered.

Baby Girl gave me The Look. “I don’t want to.”

“Okay, then I’ll ask LM…”

“Mommy, I forgot what happened. Sometimes I forget things.”

So Little Man told me, and it became clear that none of the lectures about germs and viruses that I’ve given over the past few months have stuck.

“She licked her hand and then put it on my face. And when I yelled and told her not to do that, she licked me.”

Gross.

So, a new sentence was spoken by me last night. “We don’t lick our hands and then put them on people’s faces.”

Julia Louis Dreyfus Wine GIF by TV Land - Find & Share on GIPHY

Days 7 and 8

Playing catch-up again!

I hope y’all have had a good weekend. We hung around the house working on various projects for the most part. My husband took the kids on a ride Friday evening and ended up stopping at a park that had no people at it and let them play a bit and then got ice cream cones. The kids were overjoyed! That’s the biggest dose of normalcy they’ve had in almost three months. (Plenty of hand washing and sanitizing, of course.)

Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like easing back into things will be happening soon here. We had talked about a “slowly pulling off the Band-Aid” approach with family and a couple of close friends in small ways, but cases shot up by 50 percent in our county and by a lot in our state this week. We’ve been very strict about what we do over the past three months and were hoping that we could get back to more normalish activities soon, but ugh.

The girl is planning her birthday. It’s coming up in a couple of weeks. We talked about food and cake last night, and then she told me her wishes for the big day:

BG: Here’s what I want — I want a day without Mommy raising her voice at me, a day without LM aggravating me, and a day without Daddy singing poop songs.

LM: Well, I want a day without you (BG) screaming.

BG: Well, I’ll do what I want since it’s my birthday. And it’s not your birthday, so you don’t get what you want. It’s not February, it’s JUNE.

The girl went on to discuss more of her wishes for her birthday, which include LM not jinxing or “ha ha-ing” her. (More on the Ha Has here.) She doesn’t want her dad to talk in his Mufasa voice, even though he only does this when she asks him to as part of playing Lion King. She also told us she doesn’t want us to laugh at anything she says unless she tells us it’s a joke in advance. So, no laughing at her cute or unintentionally funny comments. She isn’t one to tell jokes often, either. That’ll be an interesting day!

Since it’s unlikely that virus still will improve much over the next two weeks, we aren’t planning on a party with guests. At the most, we would invite the grandparents for a cookout outdoors, but I doubt that will happen. One set isn’t going anywhere right now; my MIL is thinking about going out of town; and my dad would want to bring everyone at his house (presently 8 people). It would be nice for them to get to see BG on her birthday (or the weekend before) and share some cake, and we could probably make it very low-risk with the right conditions. We’ll see. We’ve been preparing BG for the idea that things will be very different this year, and she seems very understanding so far.

Some of my friends have been doing birthday drive-bys/parades for their kids, but we are going to ask people to send birthday cards instead. She loves getting mail, so she’ll be thrilled if she gets a few cards.

43 quarantine birthday ideas, gifts and cards

I hope you have a good Monday!

June 3

“Ha ha!”

Sounds pretty innocent, right? Just laughing. Chuckling. Whatever.

No.

“Ha ha!” is the sound that happens before brawls occur in my house. “Ha ha!” is what leads to Baby Girl’s shrieking so loudly that my ear drums come damn close to bursting. “Ha ha!” equals a migraine.

It all started when we got Disney+. Disny-fucking-Plus. Little Man discovered The Simpsons, watched the hell out of it, and started imitating some of the characters. This includes Nelson’s oh-so-annoying “Ha ha!”

(I can’t imagine that anyone hasn’t heard that given how long the show has been on the air, but if you haven’t, watch it before continuing this post. And then replay it 10 times in a row.)

Someone stubs their toe? He “Ha has.” Loses something? “Ha has.” Exists? “Ha ha.” It became a knee-jerk reaction with LM, one that I tried to make go away by banning The Simpsons for a while.

And then Baby Girl started “Ha ha-ing.” Same obnoxious tone. And then the tattling started big time. “Mom! She is ‘ha ha-ing’ me!” I was like, “Really, LM? You’re mad because of the thing you taught her?” I told her to cut it out, of course, but it’s like every other not-good thing he has taught her where she eventually flipped it back on him. “Idiot! Brat” Ugh.

Have y’all ever snapped at your kids:

“Stop ha ha-ing each other!”
“No more ha-has!”
“If you ha ha one more time today, no more screen!”

I sound like such an awful, crabby person.

Damn “ha has.”

Damn Simpsons. Now I see why my grandmother wouldn’t let me watch it as a kid. She said it was trashy, like Roseanne (sigh), but maybe she was on to something. She avoided the “ha has,” which my sister and I would have surely imitated and annoyed her with, too.

Nelson Ha Ha GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

I don’t know if anyone ever said it on the show, but fuck you Nelson.

June 2

Look at me, a two day posting streak. Day 2 of 30!

I’m going with funny stuff Baby Girl said today.

Best Mommy Ever? Maybe not.

After LM gave me a LEGO trophy for being the best mom ever last week, Baby Girl had to give me one, too. It was a tower of little LEGO Duplo blocks with a Duplo cupcake on top.

“You’re the best mommy ever!” she said as she gave it to me and gave me a big hug.

So sweet.

An hour later, I told her to pick up her toys out of the living room so I could sweep.

“I don’t want to mess up my lion den!” she exclaimed. The lion den was built out of a bunch of different toys stacked in a circle. I told her to rebuild the den in her room and move the toys, which pissed her off, of course. And she doesn’t get a little mad, she goes from sweet to Hulk. After stomping her feet and hissing at me (because lions hiss, growl, and snarl, and she’s a lion), she threatened to take back the trophy.

“If you make me clean up these toys,” she said, “I’m taking back your trophy! You won’t be the best mommy anymore — you’ll be the worst. I’ll make a new trophy that says you’re the meanest mommy ever.”

So dramatic.

“I guess I won’t be the best mommy ever anymore,” I replied, “because you’re moving the toys.”

She gave me The Look. “Well, you’re still the best mommy ever. Just not for a few seconds. You can keep the trophy.” She proceeded to move her stuff.

Sonic Dash

We rented the new Sonic movie on Amazon last night and watched it. The kids had already watched it with their grandparents, and it was my first time watching it. I so did not want to watch that movie. It didn’t sound like my cup of tea (and wasn’t). But BG begged me to cuddle on the couch with her and watch it, and I couldn’t say no to that. After it was over, BG started running around the house.

“I’m so fast!” she said. “I’m Sonic. I have really strong legs, which means I can run super fast. Maybe even faster than Sonic.” (I love her view of herself, by the way. She is small and has always been the shortest in her class or on her team and also has developmental coordination disorder, which makes some things harder for her. Before soccer got canceled and they ran for practice, she would barely make it 1/4 of the way around and her teammates would have finished. That didn’t stop her from seeing herself as faster than Flash, though. ❤ )

She wanted me to video her running, so I set the video to Time Lapse and had her run a few times. In Time Lapse mode, it made her look like she was indeed as fast — and maybe even faster — than Sonic.

“The reason I run so fast like Sonic is because my legs are fast like a cheetah’s and my lungs are great,” she said proudly.

Moves Like A Tortoise

We were playing with BG’s Teen Titans yesterday when she told me she wished she had superpowers like Beast Boy. (Beast Boy can transform into any animal he wants at any time.)

I asked her what animals she would turn into and expected her to say “lion” or some other animal from the African Savanna.

“I’d turn into a tortoise,” she answered.

“Why?”

“Well, if you fussed at me and told me to clean up my toys, I’d just turn into a tortoise and slowly walk away from you. You wouldn’t want to pick up a tortoise, either, so you couldn’t say anything to me.”

Zebra Fries

And speaking of animals from the African Savanna, we were playing family with her zebras, giraffes, lions, elephants, and a few other savanna animals. They had a snack shop, too, which you might not expect in the wild. The snack shop served zebra fries and antelope smoothies.

“How about lemur cake?” I suggested, going along with her.

BG looked at me like I was a total dumbass. “Mommy, lemurs don’t live in the Savanna. They live in Madagascar.”

“Well, maybe some of them live in the Savanna,” I responded.

“Mommy, NO! Madagascar is an ISLAND. We DO NOT have lemur cakes at this snack stand!”

You’d think that if the lions could have a snack stand, that they could have lemur cakes no matter where they’re from, but nope. She’s right, by the way. I googled lemurs, and they are indeed native to Madagascar. I didn’t realize Madagascar was an island, either, but that’s to be expected since I suck a geography.

COVID-19 Quiz

To wrap it up, BG’s answers to a coronavirus quiz.

1. What is the Coronavirus?
A bad virus.

2. Who is the president?
It used to be George Washington.

3. How many days have we been in quarantine?
A lot.

4. Do you want to go back to school/daycare?
Yes. I miss my friend Z.

5. Who is the first person you are going to hug when social distancing is over?
Z.

6. Where is the first place you want to go?
Great Wolf Lodge!

7. What do you think we can do to get rid of of the virus?
Scare it away.

8. Is your mom a good teacher?
No. You’re not a real teacher. But you are a good homeschool teacher.

9. How did the Coronavirus start?
I don’t know that.

10. Are you enjoying the lockdown?
I gotta pee.

June 1

Thirty days of blogging is officially underway. This is just going to be a rambling post, nothing spectacular to start off a blog challenge 😉

Summer vacation has officially started. It’s weird starting vacation without my long list of things to do during the summer. Vacation, weekend trips, overnight stays at the waterpark resort, museums, Chuck E. Cheese, camps, the summer reading program, etc. Unless things change big-time, it looks like we’ll be doing summer the same way I did growing up.

Aside from my brief stint with the Girl Scouts and doing their week-long day camp, I didn’t do summer camps. We typically went to either the beach or the mountains for a week, but that was the extent of our overnight stays. We didn’t go to Chuck E. Cheese or museums or much of anywhere. We did go to the library a lot, although our library didn’t have summer programs for kids past third grade or so. My grandma would take us each week, and we would spend hours there. Definitely the highlight of my summers. Aside from that, most of my summer was spent hanging out at home, playing outside, reading, watching TV, seeing my cousin occasionally, and playing video games. We lived in a rural area, so there wasn’t a neighborhood with kids to play with.

A summer that isn’t overplanned and exhausting (as my summer plans tend to be) will be a change, but good in many ways, I’m sure.

A friend of mine had a drive-by birthday party for her son yesterday. (The birthday kid/parents stay outside and people stay in their cars and drive by to wish them a happy birthday.) We went through to say hello and drop off a gift. Baby Girl got to talk to someone her age in person for the first time in 2.5 months, and she was overjoyed. ❤ Her birthday is in three weeks, so I guess we’ll be doing the same thing.

Right now I’m listening to Baby Girl sing as I write. She’s singing “[Little Man] is a butt!” over and over. LM isn’t even in the house.

Wanna hear the source of a major fallout at my house the other day? Better yet, let me show you.

Amazon.com: Magic 8 Ball: Mini: Toys & Games

My cousin and I used to use this in our tween/early teen years to determine our future husbands. (Note: I did not marry JTT, despite what the ball said.) The fortune telling toy is bad news for the Anxious household, though. Baby Girl started things by asking if LM was a brat. (SIGH) It said, “Yes definitely,” much to her glee. So LM took it and asked it the same question, and it also said “yes” for her. She started straight up sobbing.

“Magic 8 Ball is always right! It said I’m a brat!”

After several minutes of crying, she took the ball and asked, “Is Magic 8 Ball the King of the Idiots?”

Thankfully the damn thing said “yes.” (I think they probably weren’t doing a good job of shaking it up.) And that settled it — the King of the Idiots couldn’t be trusted to tell the truth, so she was fine. (And then she asked it if I’m a bad mom today, it said yes, and she was upset again. I don’t know why the hell I haven’t donated it to Goodwill yet and made it someone else’s problem.)

Happy Monday, y’all.

What’s In A Name?

Do you like nicknames? When I was growing up, we weren’t much for nicknames. It was just the typical “Honey” or “Sweetie” stuff for everyone, unless my grandma was aggravated with us, and then it was “Heathen.” Sometimes she called the granddaughters “Little Heifers,” but not often.

When I met my husband, I was introduced to a world very different from the one I grew up in, even though we grew up only miles apart. And one of those differences was the nicknames. They are all about some fucking nicknames in that family, and that shit is in BG’s DNA big time.

Baby Girl has a lot of names for me. Starting from the first time she addressed me by name to her most recent nickname:

  1. Mama
  2. Mommy
  3. Mom
  4. Mom-eah
  5. Mommy-o
  6. Momo
  7. Moomoo
  8. Moo
  9. Moomies
  10. MM
  11. M
  12. Msies

Numbers 6 through 12 have come up in the past year. She usually calls me by #2 or #6, but #9 is my favorite.

Momo Interview (exclusive) GIF | Gfycat
Not that Momo

Her dad:

  1. Da-da
  2. Daddy
  3. Dad-eah
  4. Daddy-o
  5. Dodo
  6. Doodoo
  7. Doodies

He is not a fan of the last two. It makes it even better that the child thinks his favorite thing in the world is poop. It isn’t, of course, but since she thinks it is, she constantly draws emoji poops on the stuff she makes for him and wants all of his gifts to be brown and/or have poops on them.

Little Man:

  1. [Little Man’s real name]
  2. Bubba
  3. E-E
  4. E

Looks like the more she likes you, the more names you get. Poor Little Man.

And from the time the girl started talking up until she turned three, she had quite a few names for herself. And her real name came last:

    1. Ona
    2. Baby Ona
    3. Sweet Baby Ona
    4. Sweet Baby Ona Kate Kate
    5. Kate Kate
    6. Sweet Baby Ona Kate Kate Princess
    7. Sweet Baby Ona Kate Kate Princess Sissy
    8. Sweet Baby Ona Kate Kate Princess Sissy Cupcake
    9. [First name]

Calling herself by other names stopped for almost a year, until the summer before she turned 4, when she decided she wanted to be called Miguel. Yes, Miguel. My then blonde-haired, blue-eyed child insisted on being called Miguel for months and would not respond to anything else. Even when we were out in public, we had to call her Miguel, which got some strange looks. Thanks, Coco obsession. (And omg, she wanted to wear a red jacket when it was sweltering outside.) I was relieved when that one came to an end.

✨May the light shine bright upon us all✨ — The fact that our ...
It’s really one of the best Disney movies ever, though. SOB.

She likes to go by “Lion” sometimes now. I discovered this when she brought home a worksheet that had “[First name] Lion [Last name]” on it. She likes to sign into the class Zoom meetings as “Lion,” too. (Except for last week, when she was eating a cherry popsicle when the meeting was starting, and then she wanted to sign in as “[First Name] Red Popsicle.”

Such an interesting child.

LM does not like nicknames. Not even a little bit. To the point that it almost bothers him that we use a shortened version of his name. (Think “Matt” for “Matthew.”) If it weren’t for his name being so short and not having to write as much, LM would probably go by his full name. (And, yeah, that child is so lazy when it comes to writing that three measly letters matters to him.)

Let me tell you what my in-laws wanted to call him.

Like I said, they are all about nicknames. They have a tradition of coming up with terrible nicknames for their grandkids. And I don’t mean nicknames like “Sweetie Pie” or whatever. No, I mean truly awful nicknames. For example, one of the grandkids is called “Junkyard Dog.”

Yeah, you read that correctly.

Junkyard Dog.

“Is that Junkyard Dog coming in the backdoor?!”

The Office What GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

We hadn’t been dating for very long when I was introduced to the nicknames. I was over at their house when my husband’s brother and niece came in, and my FIL loudly announced the presence of Junkyard Dog.

And then there is Alley Cat, which isn’t bad, except for a) the grandkid’s name isn’t Allison or Alley or Al or Albert and b) the kid wasn’t siblings with Junkyard Dog. I don’t know why it would make being called Alley Cat better if it was the sibling of Junkyard Dog, but it just would.

Here are some of the nicknames the other grandkids have:

Booger

Dumpster Diver

Punchbug

My MIL proudly told me about all of the nicknames after noticing my WTF face when Junkyard Dog came in.

“It’s our thing. We like giving our grandkids cute nicknames. We’ll come up with a good one when you two have a baby.”

Say What Now GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

Did I mention it was early in the relationship? Early as in we hadn’t even had sex yet. I was 20, and marriage and babies (and godawful nicknames) weren’t even a blip on my radar.

(Well, as many of y’all know, things quickly escalated and I was engaged at 21, married at 22, and became pregnant for the first time shortly before turning 23. I guess MIL wasn’t getting too far ahead after all.)

So, when I was pregnant with LM later on, MIL brought up their ideas for his nickname over lunch one day. I was late in my third trimester and very hormonal, so her suggestions very nearly caused me to go into labor.

Watermelon Seed

Punkin’ Redneck

Taterbug

Mater Tater

Inappropriate Clint Eastwood GIF by Cheezburger - Find & Share on ...

I’m a very particular person, so I wasn’t at all pleased with these nicknames. I was very happy with the name we picked out for LM and just wanted people to call him by that. And then MIL got to the crown jewel of her nickname list, the one she led up to by telling me it was their favorite and what they would probably go with:

Little Rotten Sack of Taters

What the fuck?" - GIF on Imgur

There aren’t enough GIFs in this world to express my WTFness.

After the initial shock wore off, I tried to laugh it off like I knew she was kidding about the nickname.

“Oh, no, FIL came up with that himself! He’s so excited about it!”

Best Dying Inside GIFs | Gfycat
It was THAT real.

Why? Why would someone want to call a baby Little Rotten Sack of Taters?! Why??!

“We can call him ‘Tater’ for short!” she added.

Oof, so much dying inside. I joke about being country, but I am not country-country, and I detest country-country stuff, and that name definitely falls under that umbrella.

I sobbed to my husband over the Little Rotten Sack of Taters giving me heartburn later on that evening. He later asked his mom to come up with a different nickname. They came up with Booter Scooter (“We’ll call him ‘Booter’ for short!”), which I thought was silly, but it was infinitely better than Little Rotten Sack of Taters, so whatever.

A grandkid born after LM got the Rotten Sack nickname, by the way, so it didn’t go to waste.

I was truly dreading the nickname thing when I was pregnant with Baby Girl. Thankfully, they came up with something that was a huge improvement on a decaying tuber vegetable.

Princess

Whew.

Moomies out.

What’s your nickname?

Stop, Amazon Time!

I have been doing way too much online shopping. My poor husband every time he checks the online banking stuff, which is multiple times per day because he’s obsessive about stuff like that:

Ben Wyatt What GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Look, my house is reasonably clean these days. Laundry mountain is gone. My kids have learned some shit and are fed regularly. I learned a new hobby as well as my patience allows (sewing). I wrote some stories, and that’s all I’m writing for now (since my best friend keeps asking), since there’s no deadline, which means I’m not functioning. Despite starting off the year strong with reading lots of books, I’m not getting into anything right now, so all that’s left is to window shop online. And that usually turns into “Add to cart.”

Image may contain: 1 person, possible text that says 'Me coming out of lockdown with all the stupid shit I ordered online'

Okay, I exaggerate a little — a lot of my purchases have been for stuff I’d have gone out for (or would’ve bought online anyway). LM needed some clothes and rain boots, BG needed some Crocs and rain boots, and we needed Easter basket stuff. I also got some educational stuff. I bought a few science books for BG, plus I found a lot of 15 Magic School Bus books on eBay. She is loving them. I also discovered these Pete the Kitty books.

How fucking cute is that?! I absolutely adore Pete the Cat and couldn’t resist getting that for myself BG when I saw it. I’d love to get a half-sleeve of tattoos with book characters, including Pete and Max from Where the Wild Things Are.

One thing that has driven my crazy since I bought my iPhone 8 a couple years ago is the lack of a headphone jack. They give you an adapter, but I lost that shit within weeks. And the replacement ones I got from Amazon don’t work right. And bluetooth headphones suck for me because I never remember to charge them. I was browsing Amazon last week and came across some headphones that have a lightning connector that plugs right in to the charger area, so I was thrilled!

Urbeats3

The sound is great! My husband liked them so much that he asked me to buy him a pair in black, except he wanted them to have BOTH the regular plug and the lightning connector. I was like why the hell would they have both? “Because I like having choices.” They don’t make those, not that I could find, so he got the “basic” ones with only the lightning connector. He said the microphone works great for his work calls, too.

I needed some new socks since several pairs of my fun socks have holes in them. Here’s one pair I picked out:

That’s Beast Boy, yo!

Teen Titans Go! has officially made my Top 10 list of funny shows. It has awful ratings (mainly people who were fans of the original — and serious — series not liking the comedic direction it took), but it’s fucking hilarious. The kids love it, my husband and I love it, so it’s nice to have something we all agree on. Beast Boy is awesome, so I couldn’t resist getting these socks.

Animated gif about gif in 👌🏻Teen Titans👌🏻 by Black Cat

Beastboy Party Hard GIF - Beastboy PartyHard TeenTitansGo ...

Yeah, it’s very juvenile (but not in a garbage Spongebob way), but it’s my favorite not-just-for-kids cartoon I’ve watched in years. My husband and I have started talking like Beast Boy to each other and the kids at times, which BG thinks is hilarious and which makes LM die inside.

“What is wrong with you, mama?” – My husband will ask in Beast Boy’s voice. (Also adds “mama” to everything.)

I just add “yo” or “bro” to my sentences.

I’m pretty excited about those socks.

I’ve made a few regrettable Amazon purchases, too. Here is one of them:

Look, I’m all about creativity and shit. Yay kids building blanket and pillow forts. BUT, it just so happens that the best blanket to build a fort with is the quilt I sleep with at night. And it just so happens that MY pillows make the best fort pillows. Guess who isn’t a fan of some dirty little kids taking her pillows and blanket?!

Yep.

So I was window shopping as one does online and came across this blow-up fort. For $50 plus a box fan, I was able to get the kids a fort that sets up in mere seconds and can be taken down and put away in mere seconds. Mere, mere, mere.

They were super excited the first day, but the excitement didn’t last too long. It turns out that kids prefer blankets, chairs, and pillows to something like this. Maybe it’ll go over better outside.

I thought y’all might get a chuckle out of this purchase. Since I couldn’t see my bestie for her birthday, I sent her a couple of things on Amazon. One was a pair of Blue Q socks that I desperately wanted for myself, but couldn’t because of the kids:

Maybe when BG is a little older. I did end up getting a couple pairs of the Blue Q socks for myself, since they’re so comfy and cute, but none of my pairs dropped the f-bomb.

This is the other thing I bought my friend — women insert it in their pants when they have to pee, and then they can pee like a man. No squatting necessary. I bought it was a joke, but it would really come in handy at some venues, such as tailgating at football games and only having port-a-johns to go in.

She definitely got a kick out of those gifts.

The most interesting of my purchases is probably the Mandolin I bought my husband. I saw a message he posted on FB talking to someone else about wanting to learn to play, so I was like “Okay, I’ll get one for him.” He’s not usually the type to buy himself anything. Music is his thing, and that’s how he has spent a lot of his free quarantine time — playing his guitar and writing music. I didn’t used to like his voice very much (I was the only one, as everyone else raved over it), but ever since he started adding a bit of a country twang to it, I’ve gotten really into his singing. (He sounds very much like Bradley Cooper in A Star is Born.)

I thought I was being sneaky and bought the mandolin on my credit card, but he saw the statement and asked. He knew I had talked about buying a new keyboard to teach the kids/learn myself and thought that’s what I purchased. I told him I didn’t get a keyboard, but not to nose around my purchases since I pay for things on my card for privacy. (It just so happens that he gets the bills, hehe.)

It’s a cheaper model, but will be good for him to learn on, and I hope he likes it. With any hope, all three of us can play guitars/mandolin together while BG beats on her drums. (I can play the guitar decently, and LM can play a couple of songs.) Add in the keyboard that I hope to get at some point, and maybe the Anxious Family Band will come your way soon!

Have you made any crazy or fun quarantine purchases? 

Also, does anyone have any book  recommendations for me? I don’t care for romance or James Patterson, but am pretty open-minded otherwise. I’d also like some recommendations for new bloggers to follow!

And I promise I’m working on that Blogger Girls Night Zoom thing. I’ll send out something on Sunday to start figuring out days/times.

Worms And More

This week did not go exactly as planned. Shocker!

I planned for the kids to do a whole unit on germs/bacteria/viruses this week. That got derailed on Wednesday when the kids got bit by worm fever. They are all about worms now, and want to spend a bunch of time researching worms, digging them up, finding better ways to lure them out, etc.

The kids: “We’re going to try to lure out the worms by banging some shit on the ground so they sense the vibrations and come up.” (Well, they used different phrasing, but what they said meant the same thing.)

Me: “No, don’t get your stuff muddy. Just make the sounds right above the ground. The worms will hear you and come up.”

The kids:

Look At Each Other Glance GIF - LookAtEachOther Glance ...

They did not, because as I later learned, worms do not have ears. Like, I knew they didn’t have outside ears, but thought they had some sort of internal listening thing going on. Nope. The kids were 100 percent right, and I was wrong.

So, the bacteria cookies didn’t get made today. I guess I can give myself a pat on the back for self-guided learning and flexibility, eh? Maybe we can finish up my germ plans next week. The kids made a “worm habitat” as they called it. They’re trying to be all fancy and not call it a worm farm. The worm habit is set up in the corning of my living room covered by a blanket because worms like dark places.

LM also wanted the blanket because he’s worried that BG will see the worms procreate.

LM: “The worms might, YOU KNOW. You know, right? I don’t want BG to see that.”

Me: “Worms have both sex organs and reproduce with themselves. But even if they did have sex and BG saw it, it’s not a big deal. It’s just worms.”

LM: “I don’t think that’s right.”

The Office No GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

As it turns out, I really don’t know much about worms, and the kids taught me more than I taught them this week.

Even though my plans did get derailed, we did take a look at our bacteria swabs today. Stuff grew. Especially stuff from LM’s hands.

The bacteria all kinda look the same, so I wonder if we screwed that up. (Well, I wonder if I screwed that up.) Even if I did, I think it hit home with LM that he needs to do a better job of washing his hands. He tried to argue with me that he doesn’t really need to wash his hands more because the soap dispenser has germs, too, so it’s a waste. WTF, kid. Did he learn nothing during the rise of the pandemic?!

So, I decided I wanted to be artistic and do one of those paint and pour deals. I’ve always wanted to do one, but didn’t really want to go be around people (plus I don’t care for wine), but the art studio decided to sell kits to paint at home. I got one for the kids and myself. (No pouring for them.) BG lost patience and rushed through hers. LM did well on the first half, but lost patience and decided his painting didn’t need background colors. I lost patience shortly after doing the background. There were so many colors to mix, and I had it.

My husband said he was surprised I lasted that long. I do my little doodles, but it’s different because it’s on a tablet, and I can just hold down my stylus and automatically fill in the colors.

And speaking of my husband, guess who lost his phone again?

Mm-hmm.

This man has had so many burner phones that I’m surprised he hasn’t been investigated for being a drug dealer. (Yeah, I watched The Wire.) He used to get cheap flip phones that cost $25 and when he’d lose them, he’d just buy another and get a new number, since it was easier than calling customer service. And then I got sick of him always wanting to hold my phone to look stuff up and got him a fancy iPhone 6S for Father’s Day. (In 2019.) We got LM the same model, because I didn’t trust getting him a phone that cost more than $99, either.

He went a long time without losing that phone, but then he was digging a hole for a post to fix our porch and couldn’t find it later. (The battery died, too, so Find My Phone wasn’t available.) He looked all over the yard for it, and then it rained the next two days, so I ordered a SIM for his phone number for the backup phone. The day I ordered the SIM, my husband decided to try to dig up the area around the post and found the phone. It was caked in mud, of course, but after cleaning it up, it charged right up and works just fine.

I hope y’all found the story of the buried phone exciting. If not, you’ll love my trip out today. I went through the drive-through of Chick-Fil-A.

Chick Fil A UCVotes2017 GIF - ChickFilA UCVotes2017 Bashir ...

I wanted an hour to myself. Enjoy the quiet or listen to my music. But BG said she wanted to have a Girl’s Day Out and ride to Chick-Fil-A together, so that’s what we did. Our GDO’s aren’t quite what they used to be, but the sandwich, ice cream, and FOUNTAIN COKE IN A STYROFOAM CUP WITH CRUSHED ICE were heavenly. (That’s the only way to drink a Coke, FYI. Canned on ice is great, but nothing beats my ALL CAPS way of drinking a Coke.)

So, that was my week. I’m sure I’ll have all sorts of exciting things to write about on Monday. We’ve got big plans this weekend — putting up a new storage shed, mopping, and cleaning out LM’s dresser drawers. He can still wear his athletic shorts from 3rd grade since they fit fine in the waist, but they are short as hell. Some of them are short like that:

80s & 90s NBA gifs | Nba, Basketball moves, Ohio state basketball

He doesn’t like getting rid of anything (he has a t-shirt from 2nd grade in his pajama drawer, sigh), but they’re getting ratty. I ordered new shorts from Target during my most recent midnight shopping spree, so I’ve gotta make room.

Exciting weekend ahead!

I hope y’all had a safe and healthy week.