Creepy Notes

Little Man can be pretty forgetful when it comes to…well, anything, but especially bringing home his homework and important papers. Kids are forgetful. Kids with ADHD are super forgetful. Kids with ADHD that have moms and dads who are scatterbrained as hell are super forgetful times infinity. Science knows this to be true.

So, the boy has a presentation due next month, and his teacher sent out a text message telling the parents to review the rubric. I checked Little Man’s bag, and there was no rubric to be found.

“Where’s the rubric?” I asked.

“What rubric?” he responded.

“The rubric for your project.”

“What proj–oh, I don’t know. Maybe I lost it?”

“Well, maybe you better find it and bring it home tomorrow,” I told him.

“The teacher said if we lost it that we can’t have another one.”

“Find it.”

The next day came, and he didn’t have his rubric, nor did he remember to look for it. The day after, I put a post-it note on his binder reminding him to bring it home. Still, nothing.

“If you don’t look for it tomorrow and ask the teacher about getting another one if you can’t find it,” I told him, “then there’s no screen. At all. Got it?”

Nothing came home and he lost screen. The next two days he was out since we went to Great Wolf Lodge. On the Thursday night before he went back to school, I put more post-it reminders in his bag so that he’d have no excuse of forgetting.

First I put one on his binder. I put another in his folder. Another post-it replaced the bookmark in the book he was reading. Another went in his pencil pouch. Yet another was taped to the handle of his backpack. And the last one was taped to the top of the inside of his lunchbox, so that when he opened it, the note was hanging down in front of his food.

One that didn’t get tossed.

Guess what? The rubric was found and brought home.

“Mom, you know that was kind of creepy,” Little Man told me after coming home. “There was the first note and then the second note, and I found the rubric. But I kept finding more notes as the day went on. The lunchbox not was super creepy. There aren’t anymore notes hidden, are there?”

He did find them all. And now I know what to do when he’s not bringing stuff home and taking stuff from him isn’t working — bombard him with post-it notes. Maybe even rig his sandwich container so that it kind of explodes with a hundred little post-it notes when he opens it. Paint the rock outside the school the post-it orange and put a note on there, too. Or, make a fake tattoo that looks like a post-it with the reminder on it and stick it on his arm. The possibilities are endless.


Things Kids Say Thursday: Your Face

My kids fight. A lot. It’s rather surprising, given that they’re almost nine and two and a half, but boy do they fight. They fight over food, toys (lately it’s been Baby Girl’s pink Coupe car), the tablet. And, even though Baby Girl only weighs 25 pounds and is half as tall as Little Man, she wins a lot of those spats. That girl does not back down.


Their future?

Earlier this week, it was the tablet again. Baby Girl can’t stand it when Little Man looks at the tablet with her. I don’t know if it’s just the fact that he’s in her space or if she’s just being a CeCe, but it almost always leads to them arguing. She tells him to go away and he tells her he can look, too, and it goes downhill from there. It’s annoying as hell. I’m almost tempted to side with BG, just because whatever she watches, LM proclaims to be the worst thing ever — so there shouldn’t be any standing too close or bitchiness or whatever to fuss over in the first place.

So, Little Man was once again up in BG’s space while she was watching something on the tablet. Once she realized he was watching, she shifted the tablet out of his view. Much to her annoyance, LM moved, too.

“NO, Little Man. This MY tabit!” she told him and moved it again.

“It’s not your tablet!” LM said. “I can watch, too.” He jerked the tablet back to where he could see it.

I sighed. “Baby Girl, share or I’m turning it off,” I said sharply.

At that, she stood up and went to the recliner and climbed in it, thinking that he couldn’t sit with her. So he went and sat on the arm of the chair and slipped down, wedging himself beside her. I should’ve taken the tablet then, but I was kinda curious to see where it was gonna go. If kids are gonna annoy the hell out of you, it’s okay to use them for your entertainment every once in a while, right?

“Go play with yo’ toy, Little Man,” BG snapped. “This MY tabit.” She pulled the tablet directly in front of her face, just an inch or so from her nose, so he couldn’t see it.

“Nuh-uh! You’ve gotta share!” He jammed his face right beside hers. I shook my head. Jesus. Now neither one could really see it.

“Go away, Little Man,” BG said, pushing him. “I not like yo’ face.”

At that, LM and I both erupted in laughter. We’ve been randomly telling each other that ever since. (And, yeah, she lost the tablet.)

Bad Timing, Virus

What do you get when you add a super busy week and a parent with a stomach bug together?

Nothing good!

I was in the city where I see my psychiatrist an hour away from home on Thursday when a wave of nausea hit me. I had left a store and was driving over when I began pouring sweat and feeling like I was about to puke, and then I did. Miracle of miracles, I had a bag next to me and didn’t destroy the car. I called my husband and asked him to reschedule and made the longest hour-long drive home ever.

(I’m kind of worried that I’ll still have a psychiatrist now, as I missed an appointment two weeks ago because my husband wrote down the wrong day when he called to reschedule it and then they didn’t answer when I tried to call on Thursday or Friday. They have a rule about missing two appointments and being dropped. I have no idea how strictly enforced that is, but hopefully they’ll cut me some slack.)

The next 48 hours were filled with nothing that you want to read about while zoning out browsing blogs. Hopefully no one else picks it up. Aside from not wanting people in my family to feel miserable, we’ve had puke every week since Christmas Day (which, admittedly, is only like three weeks, but feels more like three months), and it’d be nice to break that record we’re apparently going for. (On the plus side, I’ve lost 8 pounds since Thursday…all of that won’t stick, of course, but it’s still a nice silver lining until it goes away.)

On a brighter — and far less gross — note, Little Man won his school’s spelling bee last week! They had two kids from grades third through fifth, and it came down to the two third graders. He was so precious when he spelled the word for the championship. He got it right and was congratulated, and he gasped and said, “Oh my god, I won? I’ve never even been in a spelling be before and I won?!”

He will be in the district spelling bee next month, which will have him competing against kids through eighth grade! I was shocked that it wouldn’t be limited to elementary school, but hopefully he will do well. We saw a newspaper article online from last year’s district bee, and they mentioned the final eight words the last two standing had to spell, and he knew six of them. Fingers crossed!

Little Man had a science project due on Friday that he’s hoping he’ll place on (so, in between bouts of stuff you don’t want to read about, I was helping him get it put together and then found out that his project was actually due on Tuesday…sigh). He did a project on how different drinks can affect teeth using eggshells. He tested the pH level of the drinks and let it all soak for 24 hours to see which one deteriorated the eggshell the most, and (of course) my favorite — Coke — won. It was followed by wine and then coffee. It was his idea to include wine — “My favorite god is Dionysus, so we’ve gotta!” — and his teacher said some of the kids were freaking out, thinking that he actually drinks wine.

So, that’s my week. I hope y’all had a good one and will be making my way around your blogs to find out. 🙂

A Tale Of Two…Somethings

Since I didn’t do a Things Kids Say post this week, I’ll do a quick post on some of the interesting things I find in Little Man’s backpack.

Little Man loves drawing. As such, I regularly find doodles on the back of his worksheets and on scratch pieces of paper stuffed in his backpack. Here’s a picture he did back in first grade. Our family:

Thin waist and big boobs. I’ll take it. That’s Baby Girl to the right as a crying infant. He wasn’t much of a fan of that.

And here’s a picture I found in his backpack this week of a mermaid he drew:

The big seashell boobs cracked me up, but not as much as those teeth!

Not drawing related, but random-stuff-I-find-in-his-back-pack related, I found a list in there shortly before Christmas. He’s a big list person, so that wasn’t a surprise, but the content on the list was interesting.

Things that he wants to do: Go to London, Canada, Hollywood. Play with LEGOs, read Percy Jackson, and do science experiments. And then there’s “give a monkey a shower.” #LifeGoals

More Things Kids Say: Superman and Hanukkah

Earlier this week my dad and stepmom took me out for a belated birthday dinner. We were all talking about Christmas when Little Man announced, “I’m not celebrating Christmas this year; I’m celebrating Hanukkah!”

Sam and I exchanged glances. This was new to us. I was hoping this wouldn’t be like Thanksgiving when LM went on a political rant at my dad’s dinner table. Things got uncomfortable and a bit tense.

My stepmom asked LM if he didn’t want Santa to leave toys under the Christmas tree this year.

“No,” he answered.

“You don’t want presents?”

“You get presents with Hanukkah. But I really want to celebrate Hanukkah because it has a much cooler story than Christmas.”

Yikes. Telling people who get irked over saying “Happy Holidays” that the Christmas story is less cool than another story might be worse than singing Obama’s praises while making negative comments about Trump at Thanksgiving.

“Oh, really?” she asked. I figured she was thinking, This is what happens when you don’t take your kids to church for four years!

“Well,” Little Man continued, “Superman did fly the Jews out of Egypt, after all. That’s pretty awesome.” He had a big smirk on his face.

“Superman? Egypt?” my stepmom asked incredulously as I got the reference and nearly spit my sweet tea out laughing. He had watched one of the Christmas episodes of Friends with me last week and using it to make a joke.


“He’s talking about Friends, the TV show,” I explained, but that did little to explain things.

“He wants to be Jewish because of a TV show?” she asked.

“No. He was making a joke. Just…” I shrugged.

“It’s a joke!” Little Man said. “Of course I want presents on Christmas morning.”

Like mother, like son — making random references to TV shows as jokes that nearly no one gets.