Creepy Notes

Little Man can be pretty forgetful when it comes to…well, anything, but especially bringing home his homework and important papers. Kids are forgetful. Kids with ADHD are super forgetful. Kids with ADHD that have moms and dads who are scatterbrained as hell are super forgetful times infinity. Science knows this to be true.

So, the boy has a presentation due next month, and his teacher sent out a text message telling the parents to review the rubric. I checked Little Man’s bag, and there was no rubric to be found.

“Where’s the rubric?” I asked.

“What rubric?” he responded.

“The rubric for your project.”

“What proj–oh, I don’t know. Maybe I lost it?”

“Well, maybe you better find it and bring it home tomorrow,” I told him.

“The teacher said if we lost it that we can’t have another one.”

“Find it.”

The next day came, and he didn’t have his rubric, nor did he remember to look for it. The day after, I put a post-it note on his binder reminding him to bring it home. Still, nothing.

“If you don’t look for it tomorrow and ask the teacher about getting another one if you can’t find it,” I told him, “then there’s no screen. At all. Got it?”

Nothing came home and he lost screen. The next two days he was out since we went to Great Wolf Lodge. On the Thursday night before he went back to school, I put more post-it reminders in his bag so that he’d have no excuse of forgetting.

First I put one on his binder. I put another in his folder. Another post-it replaced the bookmark in the book he was reading. Another went in his pencil pouch. Yet another was taped to the handle of his backpack. And the last one was taped to the top of the inside of his lunchbox, so that when he opened it, the note was hanging down in front of his food.

One that didn’t get tossed.

Guess what? The rubric was found and brought home.

“Mom, you know that was kind of creepy,” Little Man told me after coming home. “There was the first note and then the second note, and I found the rubric. But I kept finding more notes as the day went on. The lunchbox not was super creepy. There aren’t anymore notes hidden, are there?”

He did find them all. And now I know what to do when he’s not bringing stuff home and taking stuff from him isn’t working — bombard him with post-it notes. Maybe even rig his sandwich container so that it kind of explodes with a hundred little post-it notes when he opens it. Paint the rock outside the school the post-it orange and put a note on there, too. Or, make a fake tattoo that looks like a post-it with the reminder on it and stick it on his arm. The possibilities are endless.

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Things Kids Say Thursday: Your Face

My kids fight. A lot. It’s rather surprising, given that they’re almost nine and two and a half, but boy do they fight. They fight over food, toys (lately it’s been Baby Girl’s pink Coupe car), the tablet. And, even though Baby Girl only weighs 25 pounds and is half as tall as Little Man, she wins a lot of those spats. That girl does not back down.

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Their future?

Earlier this week, it was the tablet again. Baby Girl can’t stand it when Little Man looks at the tablet with her. I don’t know if it’s just the fact that he’s in her space or if she’s just being a CeCe, but it almost always leads to them arguing. She tells him to go away and he tells her he can look, too, and it goes downhill from there. It’s annoying as hell. I’m almost tempted to side with BG, just because whatever she watches, LM proclaims to be the worst thing ever — so there shouldn’t be any standing too close or bitchiness or whatever to fuss over in the first place.

So, Little Man was once again up in BG’s space while she was watching something on the tablet. Once she realized he was watching, she shifted the tablet out of his view. Much to her annoyance, LM moved, too.

“NO, Little Man. This MY tabit!” she told him and moved it again.

“It’s not your tablet!” LM said. “I can watch, too.” He jerked the tablet back to where he could see it.

I sighed. “Baby Girl, share or I’m turning it off,” I said sharply.

At that, she stood up and went to the recliner and climbed in it, thinking that he couldn’t sit with her. So he went and sat on the arm of the chair and slipped down, wedging himself beside her. I should’ve taken the tablet then, but I was kinda curious to see where it was gonna go. If kids are gonna annoy the hell out of you, it’s okay to use them for your entertainment every once in a while, right?

“Go play with yo’ toy, Little Man,” BG snapped. “This MY tabit.” She pulled the tablet directly in front of her face, just an inch or so from her nose, so he couldn’t see it.

“Nuh-uh! You’ve gotta share!” He jammed his face right beside hers. I shook my head. Jesus. Now neither one could really see it.

“Go away, Little Man,” BG said, pushing him. “I not like yo’ face.”

At that, LM and I both erupted in laughter. We’ve been randomly telling each other that ever since. (And, yeah, she lost the tablet.)

A Tale Of Two…Somethings

Since I didn’t do a Things Kids Say post this week, I’ll do a quick post on some of the interesting things I find in Little Man’s backpack.

Little Man loves drawing. As such, I regularly find doodles on the back of his worksheets and on scratch pieces of paper stuffed in his backpack. Here’s a picture he did back in first grade. Our family:

Thin waist and big boobs. I’ll take it. That’s Baby Girl to the right as a crying infant. He wasn’t much of a fan of that.

And here’s a picture I found in his backpack this week of a mermaid he drew:

The big seashell boobs cracked me up, but not as much as those teeth!

Not drawing related, but random-stuff-I-find-in-his-back-pack related, I found a list in there shortly before Christmas. He’s a big list person, so that wasn’t a surprise, but the content on the list was interesting.


Things that he wants to do: Go to London, Canada, Hollywood. Play with LEGOs, read Percy Jackson, and do science experiments. And then there’s “give a monkey a shower.” #LifeGoals

More Things Kids Say: Superman and Hanukkah

Earlier this week my dad and stepmom took me out for a belated birthday dinner. We were all talking about Christmas when Little Man announced, “I’m not celebrating Christmas this year; I’m celebrating Hanukkah!”

Sam and I exchanged glances. This was new to us. I was hoping this wouldn’t be like Thanksgiving when LM went on a political rant at my dad’s dinner table. Things got uncomfortable and a bit tense.

My stepmom asked LM if he didn’t want Santa to leave toys under the Christmas tree this year.

“No,” he answered.

“You don’t want presents?”

“You get presents with Hanukkah. But I really want to celebrate Hanukkah because it has a much cooler story than Christmas.”

Yikes. Telling people who get irked over saying “Happy Holidays” that the Christmas story is less cool than another story might be worse than singing Obama’s praises while making negative comments about Trump at Thanksgiving.

“Oh, really?” she asked. I figured she was thinking, This is what happens when you don’t take your kids to church for four years!

“Well,” Little Man continued, “Superman did fly the Jews out of Egypt, after all. That’s pretty awesome.” He had a big smirk on his face.

“Superman? Egypt?” my stepmom asked incredulously as I got the reference and nearly spit my sweet tea out laughing. He had watched one of the Christmas episodes of Friends with me last week and using it to make a joke.

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“He’s talking about Friends, the TV show,” I explained, but that did little to explain things.

“He wants to be Jewish because of a TV show?” she asked.

“No. He was making a joke. Just…” I shrugged.

“It’s a joke!” Little Man said. “Of course I want presents on Christmas morning.”

Like mother, like son — making random references to TV shows as jokes that nearly no one gets.

All The Christmas Things

This is very likely the last year that Little Man will believe in Santa Claus. He no longer thinks the Elf on the Shelf is real (mainly because he found the box Rufus lives in the other 11 months of the year) and he has been questioning whether Santa is real again. (He first did this when he was three or four — scoffed at the idea of a sleigh traveling such a far distance without a jet pack.)

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This was my effort at getting LM to believe in Rufus again. Can’t imagine why it didn’t work.

I always thought that when LM seriously asked me about Santa (especially considering that we do a watered down version of Santa) that I’d tell him the truth.

I didn’t.

After being bummed over the Elf, I want to finish this Christmas with him waking up on Christmas morning looking under the tree thinking something magical has happened. We can talk about other types of Christmas magic, but you know the one I’m talking about will be lost forever after this year.

When he asked, I turned the question around on LM and asked what he thought. He rambled on a bit, then asked me again, and I started rambling about the magic and spirit of Christmas. After going on, he lost the ability to pay attention (which I was banking on) and went on to something else. He also got a letter from the North Pole in the mail (from a festival he went to), plus I’m going to do the Portable North Pole app on my phone for a message from Santa, so — by God — we’re going to get through these next six days with him believing in something that I didn’t care if he believed in in the first place when he was little. Funny how that works. And when he finally does stop believing, I’m gonna bawl my eyes out since that means those little boy days are coming to an end. (This would be the part where Sam would be all, “E, stop getting sad over when the kids grow up! God!”)

Despite Little Man’s decreased interest in Rufus, I’ve been trying to keep our Elf active. Baby Girl thinks that Rufus is actually Santa and will talk to him about what she wants for Christmas (we’re now at “a ball, a book, a hamburger, and a Snowman”). She doesn’t get the pranks, though. She will next year, and I bet LM will be able to come up with some fun things. Overall, I’ve missed a few nights moving the Elf, but found that getting online after the rest of the family goes to bed and catching up on blog reading helps me. Namely, reading StomperDad’s Daily Elf post is what helps me. His post reminds me to move the thing, plus sometimes I steal what his elves did.

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Snowball fiiiight!

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Rufus TP’d the tree! Stolen from StomperDad.

We took the kids to see Santa at the mall last weekend. I waited three hours while Sam roamed around with the kids. We really wanted a nice picture of the two kids with Santa for the Christmas card, but when our turn came up, Baby Girl wanted no part of Santa. “I scared, Mommy. I don’t like him!” she told me. As I tried to escort her out, the pissed off elf helper tried to make me put her down on Santa’s lap for the $30 picture. That didn’t happen, and she came dangerously close to seeing that “Pissed Off Mommy Over Not Respecting Boundaries” is a hella lot more scary than “Pissed Off Elf Over Not Selling A Picture.” I got some grumbling about “parents these days,” but whatever.

Since that didn’t work out, we took some pictures at home. A few of them were bad enough that we could’ve used them to be funny (like last year), but I settled on one super sweet picture to send everyone.

And, since this has turned into a random, all over the place, holiday post, I might as well talk about my baking.

I was the treat master today.

I baked a cheesecake (despite being cracked, Sam said it was the best he’d had anywhere), dipped Oreo’s and peanut butter chocolate graham crackers into chocolate, made Andes chocolate bark, made praline squares, and made a huge thing of Christmas crack (lots of chocolate and peanuts). screenshot-2016-12-19-at-2-11-47-am

Hooray for sugar and chocolate!

That’s the last of the baking I’ll have to do until the end of the week. I’m making a chocolate cake for my mother-in-law’s get-together, but that’s it (I think).

This coming week is going to be hectic, though. (I’m preaching to the choir, I know!) Between now and December 25th, I’ve got Christmas cards to mail, last minute shopping, I’ve gotta go to LM’s school and teach jewelry making, we’re going out for my belated birthday dinner tomorrow, catching a Christmas light show on Tuesday, on Wednesday Sam and I just might get the evening to ourselves and instead of wrapping presents, we’ll go see Rogue One again. Aaand then…Thursday is when we get together with our friends to exchange gifts, Little Man has a birthday party to attend on Friday, and Saturday — Christmas Eve — is when we’ll be doing all the cleaning and cooking for our Christmas Eve meal (which will be for four people, not 15), plus crafts, movies, and hot cocoa. And then comes Christmas Day, opening presents, hosting a brunch, followed by Christmas at my Dad’s, then Christmas at my in-laws, followed by a brunch the next day at my former stepmom’s house.

(If I write down all the things I have to do in more than one place, then it’s more likely that I’ll remember to do them…or at least stumble across where I wrote them down and get reminded that way, right? We’ll see.)

How’s your week looking? Crazy busy or are you avoiding some of the madness?