(Drugs) That’s What I Want

“It’s an easy surgery. You might not even need to take Tylenol.”

This is what the surgeon told me regarding the pain related to getting a cochlear implant. I was a little surprised, since I knew I’d need stitches and all, but cool — next to no pain and I’ll be back to normal in a couple of days, aside from waiting for the swelling and stuff to go down.

Not even.

The first day was the easiest. I was sore and had a headache, but that’s to be expected. Halfway through the second day is when it hit me and I was thankful that I filled my Vicodin prescription. Holy hell. This shirt hurts. It’s like the worst ear infection I’ve ever had combined with a burning feeling on my scalp, my jaw is locking up, plus muscle pain from being in an awkward position during surgery.

Wimp! 

That’s what I thought at first. Now, I’ve walked around on a broken foot all day before, gotten tattoos, dealt with gallstones throughout a pregnancy…I didn’t think that I have a low pain threshold, but if all I needed was a Tylenol and I was still hurting, then clearly I have gotten weak lately, right?

Maybe not.

I went on some message forums for cochlear implant users and found that most people needed more than a Tylenol in the week or so after. Whew, so it’s not just me. That doesn’t exactly make my ear/head feel better, but it does help my ego a bit. (And really, I can deal with pain, it’s just when it catches me off guard like this…)

Today I found out exactly why it hurts so much. Skip to 2:19 to see the real deal.

They drilled a hole in that bone! OUCH!

I thought it was just a “We’ll make an incision, slip some implant shit in there, and stitch it up” deal. Nope. Now I don’t feel so wimpy for hurting at least, but it’s a good thing I didn’t watch that video before going through with the procedure.

My husband counted and I’ve got 22 stitches. Little Man said it reminds him of Darth Vader’s scar (except for the location of it and all, I guess), and being compared to Lord Vader is always cool. I would share the picture that I took and sent to my friends and family to gross them out, but I’ll be nice and skip it. Okay, maybe it’s less about being nice and more about not wanting to post my oily hair on the Internet. Maybe.

All right. Enough bitching from me. I’m off to neglect my house and watch more Netflix.

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