Ho, Ho, Ho

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Christmas time is here
Crankiness and drear
Pain for all that mothers call
Their most stressful time of the year.

Or something like that. ūüėČ

We’ve been getting into the Christmas spirit since the beginning of November, when we put up our lights and inflatables and projector and other decorations up outside. We got the tree and decorations up inside around the beginning of December. I’m not sure which is tackier — inside or outside, but we’re enjoying it! (We being everyone except my husband, who prefers strands of clear lights inside/outside and nothing more. That will not do for me. I NEED COLOR.)

I did some baking/treat-making on Sunday so I could put some tins together to hand out. I dipped and stirred and shooed away my husband and kids all day long. Quite a few goodies had to go to Baby Girl’s pile since they got some BG germs on them. I went to the bathroom once and came back to find her licking her fingers.

Oh, she grabbed one of the dipped Oreos that hadn’t firmed up. Shit, no, that one has fingermarks, too. And that one. And that one. And that one. Her plan was to poke each one until she found a “good one.” (Since there’s a pandemic and all, I feel compelled to say that nothing contaminated went out.)

I have some more baking left before the big day: caramel pies, a cheesecake, and sweet potato pie.

Basically us:

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The boy has one more day left of virtual learning before his Christmas break starts. Hopefully the teachers won’t give any assignments beyond what can be completed by the end of the day. Or won’t give them anything at all, because Christmas. The in-person kids were moved to at-home for the two days this week, so BG has packets, which aren’t getting lost only because the packets are fun, short, and Christmasy.

I usually get my gift-wrapping done on Christmas Eve, but I’m ahead this time and have almost everything wrapped right now. (My husband’s nice bottle of liquor is staying stashed away until the last possible moment, because I don’t trust those kids not to drop it while looking to see what has their name on them.) My stepmom gave me this, which made things go much more quickly:

Fiskars 163060-1005 Paper Cutter Orange With Built In Ribbon image 0

I cannot cut straight with scissors to save my life and it always seems to take forever. But not with this! I thought it was an odd thing to put in a gift bag and give someone (which my stepmom did when we visited on Thanksgiving), but IT. HAS. BEEN. A. GIFT. Wrapping presents like a boss! (Does anyone even use “like a boss” anymore?)

I’ve been on point with our Elf on the Shelf this year. Only missed moving the little fucker one night! My husband and I have had fun with it, some of which wasn’t well-received by BG.

Winners: putting the elf in the candy jar with a note that tells her to have some candy. She also likes it when I stick him in the tree or on a shelf. (In my best EA Sports voice: “It’s in the name!”)

Losers: drawing devil horns on her school picture frame (with a dry erase marker). Changed it up during the day and doodled a fedora and platypus tail to make her Agent N. She also wasn’t not a fan of making him “go fish” for Goldfish crackers. She had some concerns about making messes and ants.

Speaking of fedoras, both of my kids asked for them for Christmas. Like, on their official Christmas wish list. I know it’s because of Agent P on Phineas and Ferb, but still…fedoras? It’s a bit weird, even for them. But they’re getting them, of course!

Okay, I’m worded out for now. (I’m writing at 1:00 in the morning and scheduling this to publish in a few hours.) Hope y’all are doing well!

Religious Sweet Creams

I’m sorta reposting today. It’s probably more repurposing, since I’m editing it a bit with some extra comments, but does anyone actually say “repurposing blog posts?” If not, it’s a thing now. I won’t even copyright it. You’re welcome.

This was written a few years ago. 


Last night, my husband and I were talking about Halloween. More specifically, we were talking about candy. I want the good stuff, and he wants whatever is cheapest. He’s like whatever the step up from Ebeneezer Scrooge would be, but for Halloween.

This is still true. We’ve compromised now to where we do a mix of good stuff and cheap stuff.¬†

Even if I haven’t always gotten into dressing up for Halloween or decorating for Halloween, I’ve always looked forward to handing out candy to kids. We would only get like two or three trick-or-treaters where I lived at growing up (rural area and all), and those were usually relatives. So now that I live in the only neighborhood in the same rural area, I enjoy handing out candy. And I don’t want to give out crappy candy that gets thrown away immediately after kids sort through it all. I also don’t like the idea that someone might come back and TP our yard if we give them a single tiny Tootsie Roll, as Ebeneezer might if I were to leave him in control of the candy. It’s only one night per year and it’s fun! Clearly it’s not a time to go in miser mode.

“Get out your computer and see what kind of deals we can get on bulk candy¬†for Halloween,” he instructed me last night. He figured that if Imitation Chocolate Substance With Possible Traces of Plastic wasn’t going to cut it with me, that we could at least buy the ton that we need online and possibly save money over what we’d pay at the store.

I did my search and found this Christian-themed candy.

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This candy mix is perfect for your church Halloween party! Trunk-or-Treaters love the included Bible Verse Buttermints, Faith Jelly Bean Treat Packets, Tangy Tarts Scripture Candy, Cross-Shaped Swirl Pops, Religious Fish Candy Treat Packets, Carried by the Lord Gummy Fun Packs, Religious Sweet Creams, God Loves Us All Printed Suckers, Tootsie Rolls¬ģ and Wonka‚ĄĘ Mix-Ups¬ģ. (200 pcs. per unit, 3 lbs.) Assortment may vary.

I laughed so hard while reading this description that I had tears running down my face. I’m a Christian, but absurd stuff like that kills me.

Scripture Candy. Lord Gummy Fun Packs. Testamints. Who’s job is this? I would 100 percent take a job that let me name religious-themed candy. Baptist? You get the “Burn in hell” cinnamon jawbreakers. Catholic? How about y’all get the Everlasting Life Everlasting Gobstopper so someone has something to get through the whole service? Ummm…Methodists get something plain. “We so vanilla” vanilla wafers.

It wasn’t¬†a terrible¬†price, but did¬†lack the Good Candy requirement, so I passed.¬†I’ll probably¬†pick up a dozen bags of whatever good stuff is on sale next week when I’m out by myself.¬†If one of the bags is something he loves, he might just study over the receipt in silence and not even complain. Wouldn’t it be nice?

Bonus

While I’m sort of on the subject of religion, I saw something even more eyebrow raising yesterday¬†evening.

On the way home from¬†retrieving our pizza from Papa John’s, I saw some people standing by the road — almost in it — waving in such a way¬†that it looked like they were trying to flag someone down. Thinking they needed help, I slowed down a bit to check¬†things out, figuring that I’d turn around if it looked like something I could help with, or call 911.

I didn’t turn around.

The people were¬†standing next to a white kidnapper-style van with no windows that had a huge sign that said, “Prayer Drive Thru.”

facepalm

I don’t care who or what you believe in, that’s¬†just creepy.

(I found out later that they were using it as a method of advertising for their church, in case you were concerned that maybe something fishy was going on. There are better ways of doing this, y’all, that doesn’t Killer Clown level creep folks out. Just saying.)

They are still doing this. IN A PANDEMIC. And they are all super old — like 70s and 80s. No masks, either. Someone quoted them on Facebook as saying that if it’s their time, it’s their time. And what better way to go, I guess. SIGH.