(Drugs) That’s What I Want

“It’s an easy surgery. You might not even need to take Tylenol.”

This is what the surgeon told me regarding the pain related to getting a cochlear implant. I was a little surprised, since I knew I’d need stitches and all, but cool — next to no pain and I’ll be back to normal in a couple of days, aside from waiting for the swelling and stuff to go down.

Not even.

The first day was the easiest. I was sore and had a headache, but that’s to be expected. Halfway through the second day is when it hit me and I was thankful that I filled my Vicodin prescription. Holy hell. This shirt hurts. It’s like the worst ear infection I’ve ever had combined with a burning feeling on my scalp, my jaw is locking up, plus muscle pain from being in an awkward position during surgery.


That’s what I thought at first. Now, I’ve walked around on a broken foot all day before, gotten tattoos, dealt with gallstones throughout a pregnancy…I didn’t think that I have a low pain threshold, but if all I needed was a Tylenol and I was still hurting, then clearly I have gotten weak lately, right?

Maybe not.

I went on some message forums for cochlear implant users and found that most people needed more than a Tylenol in the week or so after. Whew, so it’s not just me. That doesn’t exactly make my ear/head feel better, but it does help my ego a bit. (And really, I can deal with pain, it’s just when it catches me off guard like this…)

Today I found out exactly why it hurts so much. Skip to 2:19 to see the real deal.

They drilled a hole in that bone! OUCH!

I thought it was just a “We’ll make an incision, slip some implant shit in there, and stitch it up” deal. Nope. Now I don’t feel so wimpy for hurting at least, but it’s a good thing I didn’t watch that video before going through with the procedure.

My husband counted and I’ve got 22 stitches. Little Man said it reminds him of Darth Vader’s scar (except for the location of it and all, I guess), and being compared to Lord Vader is always cool. I would share the picture that I took and sent to my friends and family to gross them out, but I’ll be nice and skip it. Okay, maybe it’s less about being nice and more about not wanting to post my oily hair on the Internet. Maybe.

All right. Enough bitching from me. I’m off to neglect my house and watch more Netflix.


Hello, 2018

My husband thinks I’m weird. Again. Shockingly, after being together for almost 13 years, I can still manage to surprise him with my weirdness. This time it was because I commented, “Thank God, I hate odd-numbered years” after the ball dropped and we welcomed 2018. You’d think that for a guy who gets irritated when he finds out that I stopped pumping my gas at the $12.97 mark instead of the $13.00 mark, that he’d somewhat understand. But  nope.

So that’s how my 2018 started, which was probably better than how we’ve previously rung in the New Year — with drunk people who had access to fireworks, firearms, and Fireball. Yikes. We watched part of the new Dave Chappelle special on Netflix, switched over to watch the ball drop, argued for a few minutes, and then finished the special. Obligatory “we’re officially old” comment. And then my husband turned 40 yesterday, so the oldness is legit on his behalf, and now I’m old by association.

Little Man and I talked about writing down New Year’s resolutions, but we didn’t. Considering that both of us essentially had “be organized and get shit done” as one of our goals (his was phrased less cursey), it appears that we aren’t off to a great start.

I had a few goals last year, some I was successful with and some I wasn’t. The main goals was actually losing more weight, which I did. I was down almost 40 pounds when Thanksgiving rolled around. And then after Thanksgiving, my extended birthday weekend, the cruise, multiple Christmas get-togethers, and my husband’s birthday, it’s more like 35. Now it’s time to get back to it. Another goal was to open an Etsy shop, which I did. I only had a few sales (most of my sales were from my Facebook page), but I was able to check that off at least.

Now for some positives from 2017 that weren’t really goals. I was hired for a new job about a month ago. (And got offered for two others I applied for within the same week, go figure!) Typical work from home content writer, part-time, flexible schedule deal. It’s more hours than the other freelance gigs I’ve had in a while, and I’m still trying to get adjusted to that. I like more hours, but finding the quiet time I need to write has been tough, especially with the kids out of school. Note to self: maybe don’t start a new job during the busiest time of the year.

The positive thing that I’m most excited about from 2017 — I was recommended for cochlear implant surgery and will get implanted this month. The insurance company denied it at first and gave the two most bullshit reasons ever, but after a peer-to-peer with my doctor, they approved it, so yay! The doctor said it isn’t guaranteed to work well and that it could take up to a year to see max benefits, but I’m hopeful. Worst case scenario (assuming I don’t die or get meningitis and then die), is that I lose the residual hearing in that ear and am in about the same place I am now. Best case — through rehab and relearning to hear in that ear, I might get close to normal hearing in that ear. The risk is worth it.

This is a big deal, since it recently hit me how much of a struggle it would be with most traditional jobs (Baby Girl will start kindergarten fall of next year), struggling with using the phone, not being able to hear most conversations with background noise, etc. If the implant works, I’ll have more options as far as job opportunities go, plus it’d be nice not to depend on my husband so much.

So, hello 2018 — bring it on.

Any goals for your year or are you just gonna keep on keepin’ on?