Religious Sweet Creams

I’m sorta reposting today. It’s probably more repurposing, since I’m editing it a bit with some extra comments, but does anyone actually say “repurposing blog posts?” If not, it’s a thing now. I won’t even copyright it. You’re welcome.

This was written a few years ago. 


Last night, my husband and I were talking about Halloween. More specifically, we were talking about candy. I want the good stuff, and he wants whatever is cheapest. He’s like whatever the step up from Ebeneezer Scrooge would be, but for Halloween.

This is still true. We’ve compromised now to where we do a mix of good stuff and cheap stuff. 

Even if I haven’t always gotten into dressing up for Halloween or decorating for Halloween, I’ve always looked forward to handing out candy to kids. We would only get like two or three trick-or-treaters where I lived at growing up (rural area and all), and those were usually relatives. So now that I live in the only neighborhood in the same rural area, I enjoy handing out candy. And I don’t want to give out crappy candy that gets thrown away immediately after kids sort through it all. I also don’t like the idea that someone might come back and TP our yard if we give them a single tiny Tootsie Roll, as Ebeneezer might if I were to leave him in control of the candy. It’s only one night per year and it’s fun! Clearly it’s not a time to go in miser mode.

“Get out your computer and see what kind of deals we can get on bulk candy for Halloween,” he instructed me last night. He figured that if Imitation Chocolate Substance With Possible Traces of Plastic wasn’t going to cut it with me, that we could at least buy the ton that we need online and possibly save money over what we’d pay at the store.

I did my search and found this Christian-themed candy.

screenshot-2016-10-12-at-12-19-45-am

This candy mix is perfect for your church Halloween party! Trunk-or-Treaters love the included Bible Verse Buttermints, Faith Jelly Bean Treat Packets, Tangy Tarts Scripture Candy, Cross-Shaped Swirl Pops, Religious Fish Candy Treat Packets, Carried by the Lord Gummy Fun Packs, Religious Sweet Creams, God Loves Us All Printed Suckers, Tootsie Rolls® and Wonka™ Mix-Ups®. (200 pcs. per unit, 3 lbs.) Assortment may vary.

I laughed so hard while reading this description that I had tears running down my face. I’m a Christian, but absurd stuff like that kills me.

Scripture Candy. Lord Gummy Fun Packs. Testamints. Who’s job is this? I would 100 percent take a job that let me name religious-themed candy. Baptist? You get the “Burn in hell” cinnamon jawbreakers. Catholic? How about y’all get the Everlasting Life Everlasting Gobstopper so someone has something to get through the whole service? Ummm…Methodists get something plain. “We so vanilla” vanilla wafers.

It wasn’t a terrible price, but did lack the Good Candy requirement, so I passed. I’ll probably pick up a dozen bags of whatever good stuff is on sale next week when I’m out by myself. If one of the bags is something he loves, he might just study over the receipt in silence and not even complain. Wouldn’t it be nice?

Bonus

While I’m sort of on the subject of religion, I saw something even more eyebrow raising yesterday evening.

On the way home from retrieving our pizza from Papa John’s, I saw some people standing by the road — almost in it — waving in such a way that it looked like they were trying to flag someone down. Thinking they needed help, I slowed down a bit to check things out, figuring that I’d turn around if it looked like something I could help with, or call 911.

I didn’t turn around.

The people were standing next to a white kidnapper-style van with no windows that had a huge sign that said, “Prayer Drive Thru.”

facepalm

I don’t care who or what you believe in, that’s just creepy.

(I found out later that they were using it as a method of advertising for their church, in case you were concerned that maybe something fishy was going on. There are better ways of doing this, y’all, that doesn’t Killer Clown level creep folks out. Just saying.)

They are still doing this. IN A PANDEMIC. And they are all super old — like 70s and 80s. No masks, either. Someone quoted them on Facebook as saying that if it’s their time, it’s their time. And what better way to go, I guess. SIGH.

WordPress, Couch Licking, And More

Public Service Announcement

Let me get this out of the way…

There is a plague upon WordPress’s house. And that plague is the new editor.

I’ve used the classic editor for more than a decade. When they switched to boxes, I updated my settings for classic. And then another time, I contacted support to switch me back. But it looked like I was finally doomed to using the boxes on the last update.

I couldn’t find any info for switching back by search, and the most recent comment from support on one of the forums said they weren’t adjusting settings anymore. PANIC. I don’t like change. I’m still mad at Apple for changing the color of the music icon on the iPhone, and that was years ago. So moving away from the editor I used for work and fun — all the cuss words.

Crying GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

Through luck, I figured it out. I went under “Posts” and when that opened, there was an “Add new” tab at the top with an arrow next to it. I clicked that arrow, and lo and behold, the option to post using the classic editor was there. Note: doing anything other than this gets me with the new editor. Don’t click “Add New” in the column on the left or it will give you boxes. Also, you have to sign in through yoursite.com/wp-admin for this.

Y’all are probably thinking WTH or don’t care because you use your tablets to post, and that’s great, but for the one or two of you who might miss Classic, there ya go.


Now that I have that info out of the way, I’ll move along to more personal shit. Nothing as juicy as the house that was taken, though.

First, what is wrong with my children? They fight over who gets to cuddle with me. You’d think that between me being built for comfortably cuddling two kids at once that they’d be fine, but no.

“I want the whole thing,” BG screams at LM.

Yes, “thing.”

“Stay on your side!” LM screams back.

“I don’t want a side! I want all of it!”

Yes, “it.”

“Well, you have to share OR ELSE.”

Cue BG balling up her fist and attempting to punch LM in the face. SIGH. I’ll tell ya, that little girl is stronger than she looks. Trying to manage her with one arm (with the bad shoulder) and keep her from attacking her brother isn’t easy. It’d be easier if her brother would move for a minute so I could deal with her, but no.

This happens every other day. Once they made a truce and agreed to each get one boob and over and avoid the middle, but I wasn’t entirely comfortable with that compromise. The last time we had a cuddle session, BG tried to cough on LM and told him she was giving him coronavirus.

Also, in the land of “What is wrong with my children?” WHY, WHY, WHYYYY will BG not stop licking the fucking couch?

New trending GIF online: nbc, gross, andy samberg, disgusting, brooklyn 99, brooklyn  nine-nine, jake peralta, yucky

It is gross for so many reasons. She’ll either lick it or suck on it and leave huge spots. And GERMS. I threw the cushions in the wash the other day and made all sorts of threats if she licked the couch again (and I offered her alternatives since honestly, I know it’s a sensory thing but it’s so freaking strange), but the licking resumed after a couple of days.


Also, why do my children have to pick Halloween costumes that aren’t readily available? Last year BG wanted Beast Boy, and of course they hadn’t put out new Beastie costumes in some time. This year, BG wants Wolverine, and there isn’t anything in her size because either you get to be a baby Wolverine or a big kid Wolverine — kids still in toddler sizes don’t get to be Wolverine. LM at first wanted to be Hawkeye, but I couldn’t find anything for that. He’s in that weird place where kid’s costumes won’t fit and the adult costumes are too big. He then switched to Winter Soldier from the Captain America movies. I found a Wolverine jacket that has a masked hood and will pair that with some yellow pants for the girl, and I found a Winter Soldier shirt (it looks like his clothing/arm) and will add some other stuff to make it work for LM.

We are really looking forward to Halloween! It’ll be different since we won’t get to do any big festivals, but we’ll still have trick-or-treating. My neighborhood is perfect for distanced trick-or-treating, so I think it’ll be safe.


Last — has anyone watched the show The Boys on Amazon? It is so damn good. It shows what would happen if corporate America were in charge of real superheroes and stuff. It’s also an excellent parallel for the society we live in. (I won’t say much otherwise, because of spoilers. Just check it out.)

The Boys GIF by Amazon Prime Video - Find & Share on GIPHY

How was your week?