Facial Hair and Tattling (Day 10)

This is gonna be a weird one, because I’m going to talk about facial hair in women. Specifically, me.

I should’ve learned not to shave additional areas of my body, beyond legs and armpits, years ago. When I was in high school, I saw the tiniest bit of peach fuzz on the tops of my hands and belly. Shaved it, the belly hairs grew in dark instead of blond. Ugh, so now that gets handled regularly and has developed more over time. The hand hair is mild and barely noticeable, but it was enough to know I shouldn’t have shaved there.

I don’t know if it’s just getting older, hormones, genes, or what, but my face is getting hairy. Brown and blonde hairs popping up all over. There were the few stray chin hairs, which turned into more. And then the sides of my face (kinda where men would have sideburns and muttonchops) developed peach fuzz. And some new hair came up around my temples and spread out close to my eyebrows. Then there’s the bit of above-the-lip hair.

I’ve wanted electrolysis for more than a decade, back when that bit of fuzz over the lip appeared. My husband has maintained all along that it’s not noticeable to anyone but me, but then sometime at the end of the last year, Little Man made a comment about how I had a mustache.

Oh no.

I looked around online to see what would be best — bleaching, Nair remover, or shaving. I came across an eyebrow razor that said it removes peach fuzz and exfoliates the skin. Since it’s not a regular razor, I just thought it would be different somehow and that I wouldn’t have to worry about removing the fuzz again for a while. Well, eyebrow razors work exactly the same as regular razors in that they shave the hair. (And the fact that I was even somewhat surprised there shows my stupidity with all this crap.) I realized this after doing my upper lip. And then I thought maybe I should stop there, but thought the peach fuzz on the side of my face might stand out more, so I shaved that, too. And then I decided that there should be no hair near where I pull back my hair near the ears when I do a ponytail (you know how there’s always baby hairs that won’t pull back on the way?) and decided to shave all that off, too.

Shaving my face? Mistake. Shaving the “baby hairs” where I pull back my hair for a ponytail? Huge mistake. The peach fuzz bits are all growing in much darker as opposed to being blondish, and where I pull back my hair just looks awful. I look like I have a 5 o’clock shadow after a few days.

Big Mistake...HUGE! – Brandon Steiner

Again, my husband said it looks fine and that I should stop looking at it with a 10x magnifying mirror, but he also got reading glasses recently because he can’t so much as read the texts on his phone without difficulty anymore.

Sigh.

Don’t shave anything extra.

Did you enjoy learning about my hair maintenance woes? Probably not. Here’s a story about the kids from yesterday to make up for it.

Yesterday evening, I heard the kids yell, “Mom!” “Mommy!” in angry voices. They can running into the kitchen.

“Don’t tell her!” Baby Girl said.

“Oh, I’m gonna tell her,” Little Man said.

I don’t wanna be told. 

“I said ‘DON’T!” Baby Girl shouted. “Mommy, order him not to tell you.”

“Little Man, don’t tell me,” I said, “as long as Baby Girl tells me herself.”

“What?” Baby Girl responded.

“Tell me what you did yourself, and then LM doesn’t have to tell me,” I answered.

Baby Girl gave me The Look. “I don’t want to.”

“Okay, then I’ll ask LM…”

“Mommy, I forgot what happened. Sometimes I forget things.”

So Little Man told me, and it became clear that none of the lectures about germs and viruses that I’ve given over the past few months have stuck.

“She licked her hand and then put it on my face. And when I yelled and told her not to do that, she licked me.”

Gross.

So, a new sentence was spoken by me last night. “We don’t lick our hands and then put them on people’s faces.”

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