There’s A New Fairy In Town

I’ve written about how I’m not a fan of Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy in a past post. Despite that, there’s a new fairy (well, two) in town, and it’s one of my own creation.

Before my surgery, I was still rocking Baby Girl to sleep at night. I know, I know — at three she was too old, but she’s so small, and we both loved it…but I wasn’t supposed to pick her up for a few days following surgery, she doesn’t like my husband to rock her, so it was time to make the transition.

She was none too happy about this.

“I not gonna do that!” she told me when I mentioned her lying down in the bed to go to sleep.

I tried talking to her about being a big girl, about reading books and stuff before we go to sleep, how her dad or I will lie down with her, but that didn’t do any good. And then I had an idea.

“If you lie down in your bed, the Big Girl Fairy will come to see you.”

Little Man was listening to the conversation. “The WHAT?”

“The Big Girl Fairy. She’s like the Tooth Fairy, only she comes when little girls do big girl things.” BG knew about the Tooth Fairy from Eli, and she has been very upset over not losing teeth to get a visit, so this was appealing to her.

“Oooh, the Big Girl Fairy?” BG asked. “What she gonna bring?”

“Probably a quarter.”

“Maybe a new PJ Masks toy?”

I shook my head. “The Big Girl Fairy isn’t made out of money. She can’t bring toys every night you do what you’re supposed to do, but she can bring something small, like a quarter. You can save your quarters and buy a treat for yourself later.”

Baby Girl thought about this for a moment. “I really want her to bring me chocolate coins.”

“She can do that!” I said, happy that she was getting on board and not thinking about the fact that would mean candy the first thing in the morning.

“Maybe the Big Girl Fairy can visit me, too?” Little Man asked, grinning.

“She not gonna see you, Little Man, she the Big Girl Fairy, not the Big  Boy Fairy!” Baby Girl informed him.

And so the Big Girl Fairy was born. Baby Girl has been lying down at night with no issue, but she still wants one of us to stay with her until she falls asleep. After about a month, the Big Girl Fairy has stopped visiting for that, though. She now plans to visit if BG goes to bed by herself, plus she visits for trying new foods.

The Big Girl Fairy also has a sister named the Good Girl Fairy. She brings quarters (and only quarters) for behaving and doing chores. For whatever reason, receiving a quarter from the Big Girl Fairy for picking up her toys and helping out is far preferable to receiving a quarter from me.

I am embarrassed that I’ve had to resort to making up fairies to get Baby Girl to do things/transition to things — especially being someone who was like “nah” on Santa at first — but it is what it is. I think it will be easy to phase out the fairies when they’ve served their purpose, though.

Did any of y’all do crazy stuff to get your kids to be more compliant?


Surgery Went Well

Everything went well during surgery today! No facial paralysis from a nerve being cut, doesn’t appear to be any issues with some nerve connected to taste being cut, AND I can faintly hear music out of the implanted ear with my other ear plugged — that’s a great indicator that at least not all of the residual hearing was lost! I’m also not wobbly or dizzy. The implant area hurts, but that’s to be expected. Next week I get the stitches removed and then the implant will be activated in a month.


My husband said when the surgeon came out to give him an update, he said, “We were able to fully insert the canal.”

That’s what she said!

The people who do the implant kept telling me how I’d come in “to be turned on.”

Y’all implant people need to choose better phrasing, because I can only do that “mature 34-year-old woman” thing for so many seconds.

That’s what she said!

Also funny:

When my husband brought the kids home, Baby Girl ran in and wanted to know how Google Home was doing. This child was rather upset about me having surgery, but she didn’t say a word about it when she came in. She is low-key obsessed with Google Home (she is convinced a tiny woman lives in it) and that trumps mama. Boo!

Thanks to everyone for the positive thoughts! ❤

Old People and Technology

This has been sitting in my drafts folder for months — time to let it see the light of day.

My mother-in-law got a new car. She is really not tech savvy. I routinely have to fix her computer, her tablet, and her phone. Had to fix Facebook for her once after she accidentally set her posts private for a year and was pissed over lack of comments, and then there was the time she straight up thought Obi Wan Kenobi was Jesus on Facebook. As most of y’all probably know, many (maybe all, I dunno) new cars have infotainment systems. And guess what’s required to use this system? A basic understanding of technology!

The struggle has been real for my in-laws because of this. We were getting call after call asking about syncing, music, bluetooth, contacts, Google Voice, where Siri went (which is strange, because my MIL has never owned an iPhone or iPad that had Siri), and On-Star. I know there’s a learning curve on this stuff, and despite my teasing, I mostly don’t mind helping. (And as much as I like to joke about older people and technology, I have to ask for help on some pretty basic cooking things, so it evens out.)

Mother-in-law approached me a month or two ago to ask about the possibility of legal trouble regarding their new car. After complaining about it for a few minutes, she told me that she was worried they were going to get arrested because her husband cussed out the virtual advisor. He asked for directions, it didn’t understand him and it gave him some random answer. After that happened a few times, he let loose.

“Could he go to jail for that?” she asked me.

I can usually keep a straight face with her, but this time I couldn’t. The thought of cussing out On-Star’s version of Siri is was humorous enough, but getting arrested for it? I about pissed my pants.  I assured her that no one was monitoring those interactions (I don’t need to expose her to my paranoid brain) and that no laws had been broken.

I thought that was the end of it until I talked to her grandkids this past weekend and one of them mentioned her calling all four of them — recently, too — and asking if they were going to get arrested over this. Holy shit.


Things Kids Say: Strawberries, Fevers, And More

Yesterday Baby Girl gave me enough material to do a few weeks worth of Things Kids Say. Instead of making you wait for it, though, I’ll post it all today, because I’m cool like that.

While changing Baby Girl’s diaper, she started scratching herself. She’s got a bit of a rash going on. It’d be nice if she were ready to potty train (and she did show interest briefly but has since flat-out refused to go on the toilet), but that’s not where we’re at right now. So, as usual, I instructed her to stop her clawing.

“Baby Girl, don’t scratch at your vulva — it’s already red,” I told her.

“Ooooh, Mommy, do it look like a strawberry?” she asked excitedly. I had to inform her that, no, her vulva did not resemble a strawberry. File that one under “Things I Never Thought I’d Say.”

*      *      *

Little Man is sick with the flu. Again. Yep, he had to go ruin our Illness Free streak, which I think lasted about three weeks. (I’m kidding — poor Little Man.) So, Baby Girl loves going to the doctor and often asks to go. She has a little doctor kit that she plays with a lot, too. (Yep, I’m already boasting to Sam that our daughter is gonna be a doctor.) I commented to BG that Little Man was sick, so she asked about the doctor, expressed regret that she didn’t get to go, and immediately went to doctoring.

“My doggy sick. I get my step-o-scope and shot and take his fever.” She went through the motions with the toy stethoscope and syringe, used the thing that’s used to check the nose and ears, and then pressed the button on the digital thermometer I had left out. (You can tell she’s paid close attention in her visits.)

“It say he got five dollars! He sick!” she said when the numbers popped up on the thermometer. Poor dog.

*      *      *

Our power went off briefly yesterday evening. After taking out the lantern (which BG declared to be “amazing”), Sam talked about getting some candles out. This made Baby Girl super excited.

“It’s my birthday?! Yay! It’s my birthday! Where’s my cake?” It took a while to make her understand that there was no cake. I was tempted to stick a leftover birthday candle in a Little Debbie cake, but she didn’t eat her supper, so no Debbies for her.

*      *      *

And now for the super sweet thing she said yesterday — we were waiting on a call from Little Man’s doctor (the insurance denied his Tamiflu prescription, saying they wouldn’t cover it more than once in a 90-day period, so the office was trying to get that sorted out). I didn’t hear the phone ring, because sucky hearing, and Baby Girl told me it was ringing. I told her a little bit later that I appreciated her telling me it was ringing.

“Mommy’s ears don’t work very well, so I need your help hearing things sometimes,” I told her.

“Your ears not work?” she asked.

“Not very good,” I answered.

“Poor Mommy,” Baby Girl said, looking sad. “I go see Santa tomorrow. I say I want new ears for you. I say, ‘Pleeeease, Santa!'” All the feels right there.


Weirdos Visit Again

Normally I wouldn’t do another search terms post within 24 hours of the last one, but, jeez, I have to.

In case this individual ever comes back, I’ll answer that —

Does Captain Morgan make your breath smell after drinking it? (I’m gonna assume that’s what this person meant.) Yes. And if you drink too much of it, like I did that one time, your breath will smell significantly worse than like spiced rum.

On the off-chance this person meant “Does the Captain himself have the ability to smell after drinking,” then I don’t see why alcohol would cause him to lose his olfactory sense. Although, I suppose it’s possible if the Captain gets blackout drunk — he wouldn’t be smelling anything then.

Oh! And I figured out why I keep getting porn hits. I forgot that I had a) written a post about the time I took porn to school while teaching and b) include a “What’s Your Porn Name?” quiz in a post. And here I am calling other people weirdos.