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What’s Your Score?

Just for fun —

Saw this on Facebook and had to do it, of course. First it’s a Facebook quiz of sorts and second it’s related to picky eating, which y’all know I’m all about.

My eye twitched a little bit at the spelling of lettuce.

Out of 66 food items, I won’t eat 33. Fifty percent — kind of a high number when you’re the person in the group who sometimes orders chicken nuggets off the kid menu when we go anywhere that isn’t pizza or steak. And I think ham, pork, and bacon being three separate items was kinda bullshit.

So, what’s your score?

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Funny Friday: That’s No Jesus

My mother-in-law is someone who’s big on Facebook. She shares lots of stuff. She shares my stuff, stuff from a relative she hasn’t seen or spoken to in years, recipes, and every over-the-top religious and political meme she comes across. MIL wasn’t always this way — in fact, she regularly complained about the amount of sharing some of her friends did — but now she’s one of those folks who clutters timelines.

Last night (well, a few weeks ago now, since this post got stuck in draft purgatory), I was rocking Baby Girl to sleep and after she dozed off, I started scrolling through stuff on Facebook on my phone. I came across one post that nearly rendered the 45-minute sleep ritual worthless.

It was this:

obi-wan-jesus-meme

When I saw that in the midst of a slew of stuff she’d posted, I scrolled past at first. And then I realized that I had missed something. I went back to that particular meme and gave it a look. Guilting people into sharing this crap. *Rolls eyes* Hey that guy’s cloak looks familiar…OH WAIT, it’s Obi Wan!

Cue the Muttly laugh.

It got worse when Sam peeked over my shoulder to see why I was Muttley laughing. When he started laughing, it made me laugh even harder, to the point that I was shaking and had tears rolling down my face.

Miracle of miracles, Baby Girl did not wake up. Bump a toy car on the way to her crib? She wakes up. Creek in the floor? She wakes up. Mama and Daddy are dying with laughter and she’s being moved around? She sleeps.

BONUS:

There was a year in there where we assumed that my MIL had quit posting on Facebook. We’d see her occasionally like or comment on our things, but never saw anything from her in my feed. When I stopped to drop off the kids one day, I found that her vow of silence on her Facebook timeline wasn’t intentional.

“I’ve had it with everyone on Facebook!” she told me. “Today I posted something about it being the anniversary of my father’s death, and you’d think someone could at least like it, but nope!” Her cheeks were flushed she was so angry.

“Oh, no. I didn’t see that, I’m sorry,” I said. “You know, the Facebook feed shows so much stuff, so it’s hard for people to keep up with everything that gets posted.”

“I post stuff about my grandkids, cute things, and recipes all the time, and no one likes it. NO ONE,” she informed me. “I know people might not see everything, but none of my friends or family ever comments on anything. And I’m getting sick of liking and commenting on their stuff if they don’t care enough about me to do the same.”

My MIL has a tendency to exaggerate things, so I was a bit skeptical that she was posting so much stuff since I hadn’t seen anything from her in forever. “Literally no one comments or likes your stuff ever? Or just not often?”

“Never!” she snapped. She sighed. “Maybe I’ve got a virus or something on Facebook. You know how hackers are. Will you take a look at it for me?” She handed over the tablet.

After pulling up her Facebook page, I saw very quickly why there were no comments or likes — her posts were locked, so she was the only one who could see them. I scrolled through for a bit and saw that had been the case for at least several months. There was all sorts of stuff, wishing her grandkids happy birthday, asking for prayers for an illness, telling her sons that she loved them, etc.

“MIL…you have your posts locked. No one but you can even see them.”

“Do what?” she asked, peering over my shoulder.

“See the lock icon? That means that you’re the only person who can see what you posted. No one else can. So no one was ignoring you, it’s just that they couldn’t see the posts…”

“Well how did that happen?”

If only I had a nickel for every time she asked that after messing up something on one of her tech devices.

Got any Facebook funnies to share?

 

Things Kids Say Thursday: God And Weezer

Like his dad, Little Man loves to sing, so you can often hear him singing the chorus to anything from a Katy Perry song to a Queen song. One of his favorite bands is Weezer, which I’ve written about this before in a post that talked about a time he embarrassed me by singing a rather inappropriate Weezer song in public.

While looking at my “On This Day” posts on Facebook, I came across this post Sam tagged me in three years ago, where Little Man ties God and Weezer together quite nicely (or blasphemously, depending on your beliefs):

That’s right, Big G — you do the things you wanna do.

Things Kids Say Thursday: Busted

Like most kids nowadays, Little Man has an iPad Mini that he uses to play games, make videos, and send everyone messages. Usually he’s pretty good about putting it away when I tell him to, even if I do have to hear a bit of groaning about how he had almost beaten a certain level on one of his games. (I’ll refrain from calling bullshit on my own kid for not leveling up only because of his mom.)

So, yeah, he is usually good at putting the tablet away when it’s time. Usually.

One thing our family (minus Baby Girl) likes to do is play the game Clash of Clans. For those of you not in the know, that is a war app available on Apple and Android devices. It’s a lot of fun and insanely addictive — won’t you please join our clan?

Message LM sent my friend in an attempt to recruit her for our clan. His part is in blue.

We are all in the same clan and have fun upgrading our bases and sending each other troops. Little Man has been obsessed with it lately, even more so than I have been, which is really saying something. He’s constantly worried about who is going to attack his base and how much loot will be stolen, but that’s just how it goes in these games.

Anyway, the other night I told him to lay down while I rocked his sister. He gets 15 minutes to read in bed, which has mostly been comic books lately, and then it’s lights out. I put her down and his light was out, so I assumed he was asleep. I messed around for a bit, then pulled up the Clash of Clans game on my phone. I saw that LM had asked a question about our clan going to war, so I responded, figuring he’d see it the next afternoon.

One minute later, I get a notification that someone had posted in the chat box.

It was Little Man responding “Okay” after I told him we didn’t have enough people to go to war. 
“Hey, I just got a message from Little Man,” I told Sam. “But you don’t have his tablet out, do you?”

“No,” Sam said, looking equally confused.

giphy (27)

And then we got it.

“He wouldn’t!” I said to Sam. “He knows better!”

“Looks like he did.”

We dashed to Little Man’s room, where we found him with the covers pulled over his head playing on his tablet.

“Well, guys, I think I have enough troops to attack now,” we were informed upon entering the room. It was like he had no clue that we were going to be less than pleased with him, which made the situation the kind of funny where you can’t laugh in front of the kid, but laugh later.

I sat down on the edge of his bed. “Too bad those troops aren’t gonna get to come out and fight anytime soon, since you decided to take your tablet to bed! You’re supposed to be sleeping!”

He poked his head out from the covers. “Oh, yeah, I forgot.”

“You forgot that you were supposed to go to sleep and not turn on your tablet?” I asked.

LM looked rather sheepish. “Well, sorta. I’m sorry; I won’t do that again.”

“You definitely won’t.” I took the tablet away and kissed him goodnight. On the way out, Little Man called out, “Can you check my clan, yo?”

Kids.

Hopefully LM has now learned his lesson not to chat in the game with his mom when he’s supposed to be sleeping. And I’ve learned to confiscate the tablet before he goes to bed.

Life Hacking Anxiety

Are you a fan of life hacks? You know, those things where you use items for reasons not their intended purposes to supposedly makes life easier?

Pretty much.

If you’re like me, you probably aren’t a fan of life hacks. You probably think that most of the time it seems like people are finding new, yet unneeded ways of doing things just so they can call something a life hack. Seeing the term likely immediately triggers the eye roll response in you, too.

With that said, now I’m going to write about a life hack. Except I’m not using a stick of chalk to start my car to save wear and tear on my key. Instead, I’m kicking it old school (am I cool enough to say that?) by using something for its actual purpose to improve life.

Most of y’all know that I’m prone to anxiety. And depression. And other things. How’s that for Fun Friday? One of my biggest triggers that can turn Okay Me into Anxiety Attack Me is reading something shitty online. By “something shitty,” I don’t mean an editorial on how certain warmongering presidential wanna-bes should be elected because they will restore religious rights in America. I mean something totally fucked up — like awful shit happening to kids, shootings, etc. That stuff can screw up my state of mind 0 to 60.

Unfortunately, there is plenty of that online. The more appalling, the more it is shared it seems. I do try to avoid reading such things, but even the very descriptive tittles are quite triggering, and they are nearly impossible to avoid without going offline.

After noticing that Facebook’s Trending News list (which there is no way to turn off via settings) was showing more of this stuff than anything else, I started looking around for something to block that and found a browser extension called FB Purity. With this extension, you can filter what you see, and one nifty thing it can do is block trending news stories. So, no more seeing that stuff when I get on Facebook. Except for what friends share anyway, and I have been unfollowing those who share such items.

I’d call that a solid life hack. That may just help with a few drops in the anxiety bucket, but any reduction in anxiety or anxiety triggers is good.