Getting Better In Da Hood

I’m not one for making New Year resolutions these days, but I did have one goal in mind for this blog in 2021 — post more. And here we are, almost halfway through the month, and nada. That changes today.

(Not the “posting more” part, because while I still intend to do that, who knows with me, but there being “nada” on this blog for 2021 changes.)

Off we go.

First, I’m going to address my last post — the one where I admitted to saying one of the cringiest things ever and causing myself not to get the med change I needed at the time. (It’s All Good In Da Hood, if you missed it.)

So, I did end up reaching out to my psychiatrist. Over the course of two days, I drafted an email that I deemed worthy of sending. (I wasn’t sitting there for two days, obviously, but I had to keep going back to it and fine-tune the email so that I made sure I got my issues across without a) sounding cringy and b) sounding like I needed to be committed.) I got a response pretty quickly and then a phone call the next day where we discussed a medication adjustment.

I’m now the proud owner of a bottle of Lexapro. It’s an SSRI indicated for depression and anxiety. (And not to be taken by itself if you have bipolar disorder, because yikes. Works well with a mood stabilizer, though.)

After some time on that, I seriously feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest. I am much calmer, far less cranky/irritable, and am generally in pretty good spirits. (And considering the absolute SHITSTORM going on in the U.S. over the past week, feeling calmer is saying something.) The few anxiety attacks I’ve had have been less intense, too.

While I’m doing better, I am sad to report that BG is not. She has been having some severe anxiety lately, which means a ton of meltdowns. She was bitten by my MIL’s dog, so some of it is tied to that. And then there was Christmas and starting back school, so with all of that bleeding into each other, things have been difficult for her at times.

I talked about it with her occupational therapist last week, and I swear, this chick is an absolute godsend. Her advice has been on point, plus she has been sending me some resources to help with BG and shifted the focus of their last two appointments to coping strategies, identifying emotions, that sort of thing. She’s also helping us find a child therapist. We’re hoping to find a therapist who has experience with girls on the autism spectrum.

I put up some dry erase vinyl sheets in the kitchen/living room area with a visual schedule for different parts of the day for BG. Her OT mentioned how helpful she thought that’d be. And while it is very helpful,  BG thinks that anything not on that schedule means “it ain’t happening for anybody.” I had to run errands after school yesterday and planned to leave shortly after BG got home. (I wasn’t taking her with me.)

“The schedule doesn’t say ‘Target’ on it,” BG informed me. “So you can’t go.”

Lawd.

I went after hanging out with her for a while, which she wasn’t very happy about. My husband said she repeatedly asked when I was going to be back while I was gone. (I’ve noticed a little separation anxiety lately, too.) The child ended up tracking my location on the iPhone Find Me app to see where I was and how long it would take me to get home.

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Now for the boy…he’ll be a teenager in a few weeks. Let me tell ya — little boys can get stinky. Not-so-little-boys? They have a funk that smells like onions and sweaty socks. GAG.

He has been doing well. He got a few video games for Christmas, so that’s his focus right now. He mentioned his bestie starting virtual and having a math class with him, which he’s ecstatic over.

“We get to text each other during the class and make fun of the teacher.”

His face totally lights up talking about her, too, so I wonder if that best friend territory will end up in crush territory for him. She came to his birthday party last year, and it was pretty obvious she was in the latter territory.

My husband is doing well, too. He was recently recruited for a new role in his company and found out he got it. It’s a pretty big pay bump and work he’s excited about doing, so 2021 is off to a good start for him in that respect! We are going to celebrate on Saturday night with steaks and good booze. (At home, of course.)

How is your year going so far?

All Good In Da Hood

I saw my psychiatrist earlier this month, for the first time since the beginning of the year. I went in armed with a list of things I wanted to talk about on my phone, but still blanked. Deer-in-headlights, “Things are good. Just a bit of anxiety. All good in da hood.”

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No, I’m not fucking kidding on that last sentence. I have uttered that sentence more times than I care to admit to doctors because of being nervous or whatever. Some of y’all know me beyond the blog and get that this is way more awkward than it sounds. Seriously, I almost die a little inside every time I say this. I should probably ask for a note to be added to my chart on this. “When patient states ‘It’s all good in da hood,’ IT’S PROBABLY NOT.”

So, my anxiety medication was changed to a different as-needed med. It doesn’t make me drowsy, which is a plus, but it doesn’t really help much, which is a negative.

Maybe I’ll just email him.

“So…following up from my last appointment — the anxiety medication sucks. I think we need to discuss adjusting my other medication because — NAH, IT’S ALL GOOD IN DA HOOD.” 

My practice email won’t even let me not say this.

I had a medication screw up last week. I realized Sunday night that I missed two days of my meds in a row. I forgot one night (which is surprising, as I’ve only unintentionally missed taking the med once in three years) and fell asleep on the couch the other night and missed it. (I may have had a few drinks on that one.) I was feeling off as fuck, too. It clicked when I was checking to see if I needed a refill before Christmas and then saw what I had left vs. the refill date. OOPS. Considering one of the meds is an anti-seizure med that can…drumroll…cause seizures if you skip taking it (regardless of whether you’re prone to them), I’m lucky it wasn’t more than just feeling off.

I told my friend about it, and she was like, “Yeah, I was wondering. You were getting all up in your emotions, and you NEVER do that.”

That makes me wonder just how closed off I am when one never sees their best friend with a history of depression, severe anxiety, and bipolar 2 get up in her emotions.

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That they do.

In other news that is good-in-da-hood but in a non-psych way, we found a new show. I know y’all have been waiting on pins and needs to find out what the Anxious fam was gonna binge next. This one is Billions on Showtime. (Thank you Amazon for giving me a month of Showtime for 99 cents.) It’s about some dude who runs a hedge fund and is getting investigated and shit. It sounds boring. After the first couple of episodes, I was torn because the characters were interesting, but words like hedge fund, stock market, shorting stock, SEC (not the football conference), and the such are so boring.

It didn’t have that effect on my husband, who is interested in financial stuff by way of his profession (and he loves talking about it, woe is me, and double woe is me when I asked him what the heck a hedge fund even is). Some of the boring finance talk died down a little, though, and I am hooked. It helps that it has actors from three shows I love (Homeland, Sons of Anarchy, and Breaking Bad). If you have Prime and need a show, go see if you can get Showtime for 99 cents and try it out.

Okay, it’s bedtime and the kids are fighting, and it’s not good in da hood at the moment, so I’m gonna wrap it up.

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