Q is for Quiz

Today’s post for the A to Z Challenge brings you facts about me. If “Anxious Mom” is ever a category on trivia night, you’ll do very well.

A) What does the last text you sent say? And to whom?

“Have you made a final decision about the phone?” To my mother-in-law, who is interested in purchasing my cell phone.

B) What does the last text you received say? And from whom?

“Leaving. Call when I get to the car.” From my husband, who is leaving work. (Exciting texts, huh?)

C) What time do you wake up most mornings?

Around 7:00. After the kids go to school, sometimes I lay back down for a nap, though.

D) Are you afraid of walking alone at night?

In my house? Not anymore. Outside? Heck yes.

E) What do you do to relax at the end of a stressful day?

Watch “The Office.”

F) Where did your last kiss take place and with whom?

With my husband this morning.

G) Do/did you get into trouble a lot at school?

Nope, despite trying. Yes, trying. I didn’t want to finish high school super squeaky clean, so I tried to get a detention. No amount of tardies or doing stupid crap in front of teachers could nab me one.

H) Do you enjoy your job? If unemployed, are you content being so?

I’m a freelance writer, so I sometimes enjoy it, depending on what I’m writing. Other times I want to stab my eyes out with a fork, but money’s money.

I) Do you often pick up on double entendres and innuendos?

Of course. Usually I’m the one making them.

J) Have you ever been offered drugs but declined?

Yeah, my sister offered me weed a few times and I declined it most of the times. Otherwise, no one has ever offered me drugs. Despite the promises from parents and teachers in high school that I would get offered free drugs in a ploy to get me hooked, that never happened.

K) Have you ever met someone who has completely altered your way of thinking?

I don’t think so. There have definitely been people who made me reevaluate my beliefs — and sometimes change them — but I wouldn’t say anyone has ever completely altered my way of thinking.

L) Have you ever been offered drugs and accepted?

See J.

M) Tell us something weird that turns you on.

My husband dressed as a hobbit.

N) When did someone last admit romantic or sexual feelings for you? Was the feeling mutual?

A guy that I dated for a while brought up his feelings again when he found out that I was engaged to my husband. It was a “Just want you to know I’ll always love you and be there if it doesn’t work out” kind of deal. We’re still Facebook friends, and I’m happy to see that he’s been in a relationship for the past couple of years. (And boy, the stories I could write on that guys…he had most of our mutual friends trying to guilt me into going back to him for a while.)

O) What is something you have given a lot of thought to lately?

My desire to become an author. I’ve been writing a lot lately and am trying to make something happen.

P) When did you last swallow your beliefs to avoid an argument or confrontation?

With my dad a couple weeks ago. He bitched about my husband taking my daughter to the restroom, and I just ignored what turned into a transphobic rant because I didn’t want to deal with it.

Q) Do you usually initiate hugs?

Ha. No.

R) Are you a very affectionate person?

I’m pretty affectionate with my kids, somewhat affectionate with my husband depending on my mood hehe, and not affectionate with anyone else.

S) Can you roll your own cigarettes?

No. I don’t smoke.

T) What are you looking forward to?

Someone telling me they want to publish something I’ve written. How’s that for optimism?

U) Do you have any tattoos. Do you want any/more?

I have four. I do want more — I’d like to get a mosaic owl type tattoo. Maybe some song lyrics.

V) Are you mentally strong?

Sometimes.

W) Are you physically strong?

I do okay.

X) Do you think you’re a good person?

Pretty good.

Y) Name one thing you wish you could change about your life right now.

The amount of money in my bank account.

Z) What do you usually eat for breakfast?

Nothing. Sometimes I don’t eat anything until around 4:00.

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P is for Phone

I’m a happy girl. I upgraded my phone this week — got the iPhone 8.

See how pretty it is?

This phone cost me more than it should have. After my iPhone 6 started crapping out on me, I researched the cost of a new phone and found that the new iPhones were going for $600+. Whoa. Since my last new phone was purchased in 2014, which I paid $150-$200 for, I was shocked. And I was adamant that I wasn’t spending that kind of money on a new phone.

I bought the iPhone SE for about half the price (well, I did the 24 month payment thing), which I tried to convince myself that I liked, but really didn’t. My hands were too cramped texting, and we can’t have that. It also wasn’t pretty, and even though any phone I own will be in a case that prevents me from seeing it in its entirety, we still can’t have that.

So I sucked it up and bought the iPhone 8 on Monday. I paid off the remaining $300 balance on the SE (I’ll get about $200 after I sell it, so I’ll eat $100) and got the new one. Lesson learned: sometimes it’s better to just get the impulse purchase out of the way so it doesn’t end up costing you more in the long run. For a measly $15 per month, I could’ve had what I wanted four months ago. Fuck trying to be a responsible adult.

I bet you anti-iPhone people are hating this post by now. I’ll give you something to make this post worth your time, though.

Do you guys like the word “fuck” as much as I do? And do you get sick and tired of autocorrect changing words to “duck,” “ducking,” or “ducker?” (Or maybe even “motherducker.) If so, here’s the life hack to end all life hacks:

Yep, the entry “fuck, fucking, fucker” is in my contacts list. Why? Because autocorrect recognizes it as being what you meant to type, so it doesn’t change it. (I put “ducking–>fucking” in the dictionary once, but it didn’t help the “fuck” situation.) And, yep, I typed this post late last night. Sleep and I are still mortal enemies.

Go ahead and update your contacts list and do a test text. I’ll wait.

.

.

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Now how awesome is that?

“O” is for [The] Office

The Office is by far my favorite show ever. Friends had that spot for the better part of a decade, but that all changed when I started watching reruns of the mockumentary in 2009. The acting is great, the writing (at least through season five) is brilliant, and it never fails to make me laugh. Even the episodes in the later seasons always had a few moments that brought a smile to my face.

I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve watched that series. Nearly every night after the kids go down, I turn it on and watch an episode on Netflix. Sometimes I watch more if it’s been an especially difficult day. Some people have a glass of wine, but I go with The Office — it’s the perfect thing to kill stress, anxiety, and depression, even if it’s only for a short period of time.

Little Man loves the show, too. I don’t often turn on the TV for myself during the daytime, but when I do, it’s that. With the exception of a few episodes, it’s family friendly enough for even the 3-year-old to watch, if she pays attention.

Here are a few of my favorite memes from the show:

What’s your favorite show?

 

N is for No, Thank You

“No, thank you” is something Baby Girl says a lot. It started off as “No, bank you,” progressed to, “No, tank you,” and is now the full-fledged “No, thank you.”

Pick up your toys.
Put on your pants.
Use the potty.
Try a bite of [whatever].
Stop hitting your brother. 
Give Mommy a hug.
Let’s get ready for a bath.

All of those have been given a “No, thank you.” She says it so politely that I just want to pick her up and squeeze her — cuteness overload. Most of my requests weren’t optional, though, even if she makes it seem like they were. No amount of politeness is going to get me to let you beat up your brother.

Little Man isn’t really the “No, thank you” kind of kid. He gets to the point on the requests, especially if they’re vaguely worded — “When you say, ‘Will you pick up your toys,’ are you ASKING me if I want or TELLING me to do it? Because if you’re asking if I want to, the answer is ‘No,’ but if you’re telling me to do it, I’ll do it.” My husband’s approach when I ask if he’ll do something is, “I don’t want to, but I will.” Could just one of my requests be fulfilled without the smartassiness?

I’ve had to say “No, thank you” to my family recently. My dad came into 90 5-pound sacks of sugar and offered them up to his kids. I mean, sure, I could’ve taken a sack or two (I don’t have room for more), but he wanted to split up the 90 sacks equally between the six families. I probably only buy sugar every other month, if that, so that’s like three years of sugar. No, thank you.

My mother-in-law bought Baby Girl her fourth table and chairs set a few weeks ago. This is a thing. She buys them, we tell her we don’t need them (as BG already has a set in her bedroom and a set in our living room). She insists we take them, so we donate an old set and take the latest. The last time I put my foot down, though. “No, thank you, we don’t have room, but I’m sure Baby Girl would love to use the table set at your house.” She already had a table set there, too, so MIL gave it to someone else. I think we might be at the end of the table and chair set purchases now that she has to keep them there.

Well, I’m at 400 words now, so that’s enough “No, thank you” randomness for now. What have you had to say “No, thank you” about lately?

M is for Mommy!

The kids were out of school for spring break this past week. Here are a few things they said…

“Mommy, come wipe my butt! It’s nasty and it stinks, so PLEASE wipe me!” Unless you’re sick and have diarrhea, wipe your own ass, son.

“Mommy, I gonna tear this house apart!” Well, obviously I’m going to let you watch a TV show now, Baby Girl. Wouldn’t want the house to be torn apart, would we?

“Mom, that kid’s BUTT CHEEKS are showing. We HAVE to switch tables.” I took the kids to McDonald’s on Friday. LM was quite disturbed by a small boy’s plumber’s crack.

“Mommy, [my friend] Orange came out of my ovary.” Baby Girl has an imaginary friend named Orange that lives in her forehead, but first, he came out of her ovary to be born.

“Mom, why’d you say BLEEP instead of saying the actual bad word? You know that I know what you were going to say, right? It’s okay for you to say what you want to say around me. I don’t mind bad words.” Dude, I know that I can say the words and that you don’t mind, and I don’t care because I know you won’t repeat them. That’s not the case with your sister, though, so let’s stick to BLEEP, hmm?

“Mommy, I can’t find my vulva.” I see you with your hands in your pants, Baby Girl. I know you found it, so go wash your hands.

“Mommy, why can’t I watch The Walking Dead? Or Fear the Walking Dead? Everyone in my class watches those. And everything. They all watch everything that I can’t watch.” Didn’t we have this conversation ten times already? Yeah? In that case, “Because I said so.”