Last Day of the Year Brain Dump

Hello, last day of the decade. (You’re either #TeamDecadeIsEnding or #TeamAnnoyinglyYetPerhapsCorrectInSayingThereIsAnotherYearToGo, and I’m the former.)

As far as 2019 goes, things were pretty good. On a personal level, I made some progress on my weight. Lost 40 pounds, but gained back 10 unfortunately, but I’m ready to keep working on that. That is probably the extent of my personal wins for the year, off the top of my head. I didn’t make much progress on the writing front. I had a short story published, but that wasn’t exactly what I was shooting for in 2019. Oh well.

I’m going to try to minimize distractions in 2020 to help with that. I don’t even care if I publish anything in 2020 so much as whether I actually make progress on some writing projects that I desperately want to finish, but have sucked at sticking with. And in minimizing distractions, hopefully I’ll read and blog more than last year, too. (Writing is writing.) I’ve deactivated a few social media accounts, but am keeping Instagram. I took the Facebook app off my phone, so I’ll only browse on there when I get on my desktop. And by doing that, I’ll reduce the mindless scrolling and seeing all the nasty posts that bug me, huge positive.

My other big goal for the year is to implement strategies from The Explosive Child in my parenting. Baby Girl’s meltdowns aren’t as extreme, but they still happen frequently. Little Man’s behavior is worsening. So what we’re doing now — at least with LM — isn’t working too well. Time to try something new, and I’ve read that the strategies in The Explosive Child work fabulously with oppositional kids. It will take some time and a lot of work on my behalf to change how I react to these stressful situations that come up, but if it helps make any improvement, it’ll be totally worth it. (Here’s a link to some of the strategies used with that method if anyone wants to check it out.)

Improvement is the name of the game in 2020.

In other interesting 2019 things, we got Baby Girl figured out.

As most of y’all know, she was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder back in June. That was (and remains to be a relief), knowing what’s behind some of her behaviors. Ditto with the boy. She also had her tonsils out after being diagnosed with sleep apnea, and while we haven’t seen as much improvement in behavior as we were hoping for (or progress with speech), she is mostly sleeping through the night, so yay!

And I think that about sums up 2019. I thought my last brain dump of the year where I reflect on 2019 would be longer, but it’s not. Not a whole lot about the year really stands out. It was full of answers for the kids, millions of doctor and therapy appointments, and some good times as a family. It was probably the busiest year we’ve ever had in terms of being on the go, so maybe things will slow down a little in 2020. I may do a post reflecting on the decade later, which should be more interesting.

What goals do you have for 2020?

Have a Merry Christmas and an Itchy New Year

Did y’all have a good Christmas, for those of you who celebrate?

Ours was nice. Since the parents/step-parents adjusted how they do things this year, we only had one place to go on Christmas day. That made the day so much more relaxed and enjoyable! The kids loved the gifts we got for them and were both sweet and well-mannered all day. (The other days is a different story lol.) I was so relieved that the girl didn’t have any meltdowns, and I’m sure things being less rushed and stressful for her helped a lot.

BG’s favorite gift was this giant lion.

Learning about lion and other large felines in general is her current thing, plus she almost always picks out stuffed animals when she buys a toy, so she was overjoyed to get this. Santa brought her that, a ball hopper with a lion on it, and a Teen Titans tower. We got her some other cool stuff, including a Power Wheels, which her dad probably regretted in five minutes after getting hit with it.

LM got some cool stuff, too, including the new Star Wars Fall Order video game he begged for and some LEGO sets, so he’ll stay busy for the rest of Christmas break.

My husband picked out this poster for LM. That is not a praying Pac-Man poster, as I originally assumed and was confused by. I’m sure most of y’all would get it right on the first try.

My husband won for most thoughtful gift this year. He had my favorite recipe of my grandmother’s printed on a cutting board for me. Looooove. He also got me a blanket with the kids’ pictures on it. One of my favorite gifts my stepmom got me was a pair of Blue Q socks. I so love those socks, and these suit me perfectly:

She got me a shirt that said “I’m not peopleing today” for my birthday, so she’s doing her part in helping me avoid people.

We got one Christmas present that we didn’t want at all. Baby Girl has been scratching her head for a couple of days, but I checked and didn’t see anything the first few times. I thought maybe this was another thing she was developing, like chewing on everything or licking stuff. Well, I checked again yesterday and saw some damn nits in her hair.

Oh. My. God.

I panicked because we’ve never had lice before and ew, fucking ew, fucking ew. None of the rest of us have anything in our hair, although a) I don’t trust my husband check me and b) I bought kits for everyone, so everyone’s hair is getting treated anyway. When I went through BG’s hair, I found an actual lice bug and cleaned out nits. It took over an hour to go through it all, and she has short hair. After doing a little research on it, I’m assuming she must have picked it up within a couple days before Christmas (probably at the gathering we went to, instead of school like I originally assumed) since what I found was relatively little. I used the ridiculously bright flashlight LM won at a Chinese auction to go through her scalp multiple times, too.

Now I’m itching everywhere. I was fine this morning when I woke up until I saw BG, which reminded me of the infestation, so I itched again. Yuck.

Y’all itching now?

Happy holidays.

Week 51 Brain Dump

The girl recovered from her hand injury. Pretty sure she played it up a bit, and she was none too pleased about doing her makeup work, but she’s all good. And two days after taking off her bandage, we had to put it on LM because he had a hell of a freak injury.

My husband and son were out Saturdaydoing their play stuff when I called to check on them. My husband said, “LM slammed his hand in a door. I’ve gotta go” and hung up. I was thinking that sucked, but didn’t think too much of it because that shit happens sometimes. I slammed mine in the bedroom door a couple days prior, and it hurt like a son of a bitch for a little while but was fine.

Yeah, no.

He called me back a short time later and told me to meet him and LM at the ER and that LM might lose a finger.

Holy fucking shit.

I dropped off BG and got to the hospital. When I got there, they were moving LM from triage to a bed in the bay to be examined by a doctor. The doctor came in quickly, and I got my first look at the finger, and it literally looked like someone picked up the top of his finger and moved it to the side.

Sorta like that.

The doctor asked us to step outside the curtained area. He told us that it didn’t look good and that we should expect for it to be amputated.

Holy fucking shit again.

My husband told me that looked good compared to how it looked early on. He said the finger was at almost a 45-degree angle and looked like it was barely hanging out.

HFSx3.

The doctor had a radiologist wheel in an X-ray machine, and then we found out that as bad as it looked, he wouldn’t likely lose the finger. Apparently the top joint of the finger was badly dislocated, and with the deep lacerations on both sides of the joint, it just looked like it was barely hanging on by a thread. Whew. The doctor numbed LM’s finger as best as he could and put the joint back in place. Watching that poor child go through that was just awful. He kept it together much better than I could have. He went to the ortho today, and everything looks reasonably well, He just has to keep the splint on for a while and watch out for infection.

Tough little dude for sure.

That is LM’s second injury for the year. A few months ago, he was doing a zipline when the seat popped up and hit him right above the eye. He had to get liquid stitches for that one. Hopefully he’ll get through 2020 without any breaks or stitches.


Can y’all believe we have less than 10 days until Christmas? Craziness. We still haven’t gotten our Christmas cards ready. This week is gonna be kinda wild, too. The girl has her therapy appointments, there is a field trip, a class party to help with, plus the boy needs me to make something for him to take to his party. (Which his teacher says is super secret and not to tell anyone, haha.) I also have my baking to do.

  • Crockpot Christmas crack
  • Non-crock Christmas crack
  • Andes chocolate bark
  • Chocolate dipped Oreos
  • Chocolate dipped pretzels
  • Chocolate peanut butter crisps
  • Strawberry cupcakes
  • Chocolate cupcakes

I need to do it all on Wednesday, so that’s gonna be a busy — but yummy — day.

We’re doing Christmas with the MIL on Sunday. And hopefully we’ll do some Christmasy stuff this weekend. Ice skating is out with LM’s hand (and it’s probably best for the rest of us to avoid anything that could cause a trip to the ER), but we need to go see Santa, do Winterfest, see Christmas lights, and start our movie marathon. And crafts. I’m glad the kids will have a couple days off school before Christmas!


I love how Baby Girl’s brain works. (Most of the time.) She had a question on a worksheet last where she had to shade the two objects that belonged together and cross off the one that didn’t fit in. One such question had a doctor, a pickup truck, and a box truck. I’m going to color the image to make it look the way she originally had it.

She made the box truck into an ambulance to make it and the doctor go together. I told her I liked how she thought and explained what the teacher was going for, but she acted like she had no idea why the two vehicles would belong together lol.


I had to stop writing this post to go somewhere, and I feel like I had more to write for my brain dump, but I’m blanking. Maybe I’ll do a Brain Dump Part 2 later. Maybe not. Have a good week!

Our Week/Girls Night

So, first things first — my FIL is home and doing well. Yay! He’s going to be on the mend for a few weeks, but he seems to be getting around the house good all things considered.

Second — our Thanksgiving was nice. Since my dad hosted his the Sunday before, my other stepmom held hers later, and my MIL didn’t host, we had our first ever Thanksgiving at home. Let me say, I really hate the circumstances that led to that. But, it was probably my favorite Thanksgiving since my grandmother passed away. It was nice to take our time throughout the day cooking and cleaning and getting everything ready.

My dad fried the turkey we bought, so we only had baking and all the sides to worry about, and we had a ton of stuff. My dad and stepmom joined us, as did my SIL, and dinner couldn’t have gone better. Even BG ate some of what I cooked this year. I don’t know if my husband would go for it, but I’d totally be on board for not leaving the house for Thanksgiving every other year. It was so relaxing. We usually have three places to go on Thanksgiving, and it’s rough, especially for BG, as it leads to lots of meltdowns.

With the kids out of school three days, it was a pretty easy week. BG and I had a Girls Night out on Tuesday. She came up with the plan on Monday night and was so damn excited that she could barely sleep. She woke up early gushing about our Girls Night, talked about it through breakfast, and even told the principal. When I picked her up, she asked if it was time for Girls Night and we headed over to the movie theater for a matinee of Frozen 2.

As excited as she was, I had my suspicions that it might not end well. She was so worked up over it that I thought she might crash, and I was right. We had to leave the movie halfway through. She said it was too loud and she thought it was kinda scary. I tried to get her to stay, but she was getting more and more upset, so we left to go to Target, which was next on her itinerary. The plan was to let her get a small treat. After half an hour of searching in there, the lights were too bright, she didn’t know what she wanted because there was too much stuff, and she was almost in tears again. I was able to get her calmed down and had her choose from a couple of toys I thought she would like, and she did so we left to go eat pizza.

The pizza place had an arcade, and it was noisy as well (and the noise-canceling headphones were nowhere to be found), so she nibbled at a piece of pizza and wanted to leave. She told me she just wanted to go home instead of getting frozen yogurt, which was fine with me since she clearly needed to wind down. We came home and I ran a bubble bath and she played for a while and was able to chill out.

BG later told me that it was the best Girls Night ever. I was surprised since she was on the verge of a meltdown more than once and things didn’t go smoothly anywhere we went, but all she saw was the two of us doing something special together, which is all that mattered in her eyes. ❤

The rest of our weekend should be pretty easy. We’re going to visit a friend tonight and then do stuff for my birthday tomorrow. The house is still clean, amazingly, so we’ll have a chill weekend!

How was your Thanksgiving (or week if you don’t celebrate)? I promise to catch up on my reading soon!

Monday Brain Dump

Now that I have the post about LM out of the way, it’s time for a good old-fashioned brain dump.

Hello, November, and hello weather that finally feels like fall.

Y’all, we sweated our asses off on Halloween. It was like 84 degrees and humid as fuck when we started trick-or-treating. I was glad that my kids didn’t dress as Avengers after all, since that meant I wouldn’t have to go as Carol Danvers with my jeans and leather jacket. The trick-or-treating got rained out after half an hour, but between trunk-or-treat at school, trunk-or-treat at a church, and other stuff, that was more than enough for Baby Girl.

I wish October was a couple of weeks longer. There is so much to do and not enough time to do it all in! I half run my family ragged during the holidays trying to squeeze in every fun activity and my list still has stuff left on it. I’m gonna be that person who starts Christmas stuff too early that everyone on Facebook loves to hate this year. The decorations will go up this weekend because the kids love looking at them and we’ll start our Christmas movie marathon. My Christmas fun list will get checked off this year.

So, as much as I miss BG during the daytime, I’m super enjoying all of the parent volunteering. And I’m not being sarcastic! I didn’t get to do as much with Little Man in elementary school because I had Baby Girl and almost all of the volunteer opportunities asked parents not to bring younger siblings. I hated not doing as much as I would’ve liked with him, so I’m glad I’m getting to do more now!

My husband went on the first field trip because I had a doctor appointment, and let’s just say that he doesn’t share my enthusiasm. Outside of our kids and helping out on a soccer team when LM was in kindergarten, his experience with kids this age is limited. I, on the other hand, did a teaching internship in a 4K program and worked at LM’s preschool for a while, and had young siblings, so I’m not as put off by kids that age. After they got back from the trip, he went over to the bar near the school for a beer. He said his nerves were absolutely shot and that if he had heard one more child tattle on another, he would’ve lost it.

“They aren’t even tattling over anything worthwhile! It’s just ‘Katie looked at me’ and ‘Tyler touched my seat.’ Over and over and over.”

Which is exactly like our children. The latest for Baby Girl is tattling on LM for “following” or “tracking” her. In case you’re concerned that it’s in the stalker type way, let me assure you, it’s not. So, BG cannot stand it when LM looks over her shoulder to see what she’s watching on Hulu when I let her hold my phone. It started as more of a problem because he was invading her personal space and touching her. Now just looking at her screen is a problem, too.

When BG watches “Teen Titans Go,” LM wants to watch, too, which BG detests. So, after some snipping, LM will get his phone out and watches the same exact show, which causes BG to get pissed off and complain about LM tracking and following her. She’s talking about the shows. LM will start about 10 seconds behind her, so that’s why she says he’s tracking/following her. I’m just like, if y’all are gonna bicker anyway, turn the phones off, because that’s 90% of the reason why I let you use them in the first place. Just use the damn headphones.

I feel like more has happened in the past two weeks since I posted about regular happenings, but am blanking now. Happy Monday and all that crap!

To The Mountains We Went

I’m one of those people who likes to make plans but doesn’t like to follow through with them. When the time comes to go wherever, I just want to stay home. But, after some back and forth over whether we’d keep our plans to go to the mountains for the weekend, we went, and we had a pretty good time overall.

The trip started out rough due to a meltdown BG had in the car when we picked her up from school. After she screamed for a while, I finally got to the bottom of why she was upset. Her teacher wasn’t at school that day, so things were awful. Nothing in specific, just because the teacher wasn’t there. Thankfully it didn’t last long. After we picked up the boy, we headed out.

Due to some awful traffic, the drive took closer to five hours instead of 3.5, so we got there at 9:00. It’s not like we planned to do anything if we had gotten there earlier, though, other than maybe get some ice cream. That extra hour and a half did mean we got to listen to BG ask “How much longer?” and “Are we almost there?” an extra hundred times. I eventually put my earbuds in for a little quiet.

Rain from the tropical storm moved in early on Saturday, so that killed our outdoor plans. My mother-in-law suggested driving over to Gatlinburg or Pigeon Forge and said it would only be a half an hour drive. We trusted her, and two hours later, we arrived. The kids were none too thrilled about a 4-hour round trip drive after the drive the night before. It turned out that my MIL just wanted to go over there, so she fudged the time a little. Sigh, next time we’ll check. We did see a lot of elk on the ride, which was really cool. At one point, we saw a bunch sitting on the ground and BG shouted, “It’s an elk garden!” That is officially my favorite way to refer to a group of anything from now on.

The kids had fun at a trampoline park in Pigeon Forge, and then we got dinner and made the drive back. On Sunday, we had breakfast, did a little shopping, and drove part of the way back on the Blue Ridge Parkway so we could see the fall foliage. That added time made the trip back about six hours total, and I’m pretty sure that no one would complain if we didn’t see the inside of our car for a week. Again, it was worth the added time.

We are usually hesitant to make weekend trips with Baby Girl. She has never done well on vacation for the first couple of days. It has always been Meltdown City. After joining an autism page on Facebook, I saw other people talk about how their kids took a couple of days to adjust to the new environment, and that made sense. She did well for the most part, though, and I think that is due to the “camper” we stayed in, as she called it. I thought we were going to stay in a hotel room, but it turned out that my MIL booked a one-room trailer in a “trailer resort.” Apparently there are lots of resorts in the mountains, and they absolutely are not what you’d expect when you hear the word resort. 😀

The mobile home was neat as a pin, though. BG was thrilled with it when she stepped in because it looked like MIL’s trailer, aside from it only having one bedroom. The main bedroom, the kitchen, the living room, the TV set, the couch, and the kitchen table were all in the same place as MIL’s, so it was a familiar layout. She commented many times over how it looked just like MIL’s house and actually wanted to stay there instead of going anywhere.

The place wasn’t as cramped as I expected it to be, but there was still only one bed. My husband and I tried to sleep on the pullout couch, but got two hours of sleep each. It was miserably uncomfortable, tilted so that you slid down, and the metal bars were in our back. LM couldn’t sleep on the blow-up mattress, either, so the three of us were dragging big time on Saturday. On Sunday, I slept on the couch without pulling it out, my husband slept on couch cushions, and we put extra blankets on LM’s mattress for extra padding, and we all slept a little better. We couldn’t have been happier to be home in our beds last night.

So, I told you that BG did well the two days we were there, but let me tell you about the ride home. We went to a store to buy some souvenirs, and then I wanted to walk over to a fudge shop to see if they had any caramel fudge. It would’ve taken all of five minutes. BG decided she didn’t want to do this and had an absolute fit, kicking and screaming.

I got pissed off and decided I didn’t want fudge anymore, so we left, and my husband took BG’s new toy from her for acting that way. For the next hour and a half, she screamed in the car. She threw her shoes at us and kicked the back of my seat repeatedly. It was miserable, and she didn’t let up on the screaming for the whole 90 minutes. We stopped a few times at overlooks to take pictures and couldn’t get some as a family for a while because of the meltdown. She eventually stopped, and when she did, it was a 180 as usual — she went from screaming to talking in her super sweet voice about the leaves and tunnels. (When asked what her favorite part of going to the mountains was, she said the tunnels.)

When she perked up, we made a few more stops and got some good pictures. We also stopped and walked over to let the kids see an area called Sliding Rock in Pisgah National Forest, which was lovely. During the summer, people slide down the rock into water that doesn’t get above 55 degrees in the summer. It’s fun but so damn cold. We’re going to try to go back next August and stay a little longer and let the kids do the rock.

We got in around 9:00 last night and are absolutely dead today, despite sleeping okay. Too bad the kids have missed too much school to take a day off! I’m glad we decided to go, because it really was pretty. My husband and I talked about doing a weekend trip for just the two of us. When we would go away for the weekend before the kids came along, we would almost always go to the mountains. I prefer the beach now, but I would like to spend more time browsing around and drive up to Grandfather Mountain and do a little hiking.

How was your weekend?

Zzzzzzzz

My body feels half dead. I haven’t been sleeping well this week and have averaged around three hours of sleep per night. I feel so damn tired, but my brain won’t settle down at all. The melatonin isn’t touching it. I can usually take a nap after dropping off the girl in the mornings if I don’t sleep well the night before, but my brain ain’t having that this week.

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts, so many thoughts.

I should write about blah blah blah, I need to figure out how to clean the blah blah blah, I think I’ll order blah blah blah, I need to get my decorations and blah blah blah, I need to research IEP stuff and blah blah blah. 

Add in snippets of music between those thoughts, or interrupt those thoughts with snippets of music even, and you’ve got my brain.

Ever since getting on the perfect mix of meds for my bipolar disorder (my old psychiatrist got me stable and my new one added something that made things better), I’ve been much more balanced overall. My mood tracker went from looking like a level 5 thrill ride pre-meds to a level 2 ride that would probably mostly bore LM. I wonder if the sleep this week is due to another climb or if it’s just some run-of-the-mill insomnia. I’m not totally bouncing off the walls or being super impulsive or super creative, so it may be (and hopefully is) just the latter. That would be good since that would mean no drop in mood later.

I’ve been rather cranky as a result of the no sleep, and the kids have been foolish as hell this week. LM’s foolishness peaked yesterday, but thankfully I got out of the house and had dinner with a friend. And this morning, Baby Girl did well at first…she got up without complaint, got dressed, got her shoes on, and then stopped. She wouldn’t eat (whatever, I’m not gonna push it) and suddenly decided she wasn’t going to school. So she got back in bed, hid under the pillows, and refused to get up and get her hair combed and teeth brushed. Twenty minutes later, her dad got her in the bathroom kicking and screaming and did the best he could.

That’s how her hair looked.

I drove her to school while my husband drove LM. That child kicked and screamed for 10 minutes and even launched one of her shoes at my head. After that she started sobbing about how no one loves her and thinks she’s terrible and fussed because she dropped her stuffie. I handed her the plush uterus toy and asked what her favorite body organ was. I kid you not, she did a 180 just like that, completely perked up, and spent 15 minutes talking about the best body organs and their various functions.

Okay, then. At least she was calm. I messaged her teacher to give her a head’s up about how the morning went and let her know I packed some cereal in her bag. Hopefully the perky “yay body organs” attitude will stick with her throughout the day.

Guess Who’s Back, Back Again?

Anxiety’s back, tell a friend
Guess who’s back, guess who’s back?
Guess who’s back, guess who’s back?
Guess who’s back, guess who’s back?
Guess who’s back?

Considering my last post, I couldn’t help but use some of the lyrics from Without Me. Plus, the boy rapped the whole thing in the car yesterday, so it has been in my head. Considering he can remember something like that he’s only heard a few times or the entire lines from a play (seriously, his and everyone else’s), yet forgets I asked him to brush his teeth five seconds later, I think I should start rapping my commands to him.

Brush your teeth, teeth right now.
Brush them good, brush them good,
Brush them good, brush them good,
Or you’re grounded, you’re grounded, yes you’re grounded.

It needs work.

I recently wrote a post mentioning my reduced anxiety, and I must not have knocked on wood as usual. Nah, really though, I think it’s more that I just suck at picking up on things. You’d think someone who has had bad anxiety since she was a little kid would be more aware, but I’m not great at being in tune with my body. For the record, it’s still true that my anxiety is reduced compared to years ago, but maybe not as much as I thought at the time. Once I zeroed in on the anxiety, I realized that this issue has been building up over the past few months.

I’ve been avoiding going out shopping as much as possible lately. I’ll order whatever I can from Amazon, which I’m sure my mail lady loves, and most of the rest of the stuff is ordered through the Walmart app. We have Grocery Pickup at our Walmart, so I can just pull up to the side of the building and someone brings my stuff out. I’ll shop at Target or Aldi when it’s not busy, since those places don’t bother me much early in the day, but I avoid everywhere else like the plague if I can help it. I’ve never cared for crowds (and shopping at Walmart is never fun), but it just leaves me more unsettled than normal lately.

On Sunday, we went to get lunch and then went by Target afterwards. By the time we were in the car heading home, I was so agitated that when I got home I took a Xanax just to calm down. I was agitated because of the noise in the restaurant, how crowded and noisy Target was, how noisy my damn car was. Thanks, children. I put in my earbuds when were were halfway home because I felt like I was going to snap. (I wasn’t driving.) And I have definitely been snapping more over the past few weeks.

Combine that with going out to a play on Friday night and not wanting to talk to anyone because I was struggling with hearing, more of the same on Saturday night, plus not wanting to touch publicly used things again. (Salt shakers and ketchup bottles and other items touched by the public are becoming my nemesis again.) My husband asked me on Sunday if my anxiety was getting bad again since he had noticed these things. And I realized — yes it is, in ways.

I think a lot of it’s due to my hearing. My cochlear implant hasn’t been as helpful as I had hoped it be. It started off working well, as in I progressed from hearing clicks and robot-y sounds to voices and real sounds quickly. And within a few months, I scored high on the tests the audiologist gave me. Progress halted, though, and my speech in noisy environments hasn’t seemed to improve at all. (Speech in one-on-one situations in quiet environments was great, though.) My directional hearing is awful, and when I’m out in public, if someone talks on that side, I don’t usually hear them unless they tap my shoulder to get my attention so I can turn and face them. I’ve becoming increasingly self-conscious about my hearing and add to that background noises being more overwhelming, it’s a mess. I don’t know if there’s a sensory component or if anxiety is just making that stuff more noticeable and worse as a result.

The hearing thing has me so worried about my future. What kind of job can I get in the real world where I can either control my environment or limit most conversations to one-on-one with little to no background noise and avoid phones? I can’t come up with many job prospects in my area outside of teaching. I can keep the classroom quiet as needed and move around to talk to the kids. But I really don’t want to go back to teaching. I also don’t want to take a year’s worth of college classes so I can get recertified. I may not have a choice if I can’t come up with something else, though. Freelance writing is great, but isn’t exactly a career. I know I shouldn’t worry too much about that right now since I have a few years before I’d go full-time anyway.

I have an appointment with my primary care doctor soon, so I’m going to ask her about taking propranolol again. I took it for social anxiety several years ago, and it helped somewhat. It’s meant to treat high blood pressure, but is also good for anxiety because it helps you stay calmer and keep from going into panic mode. If she won’t prescribe it, I’ll ask my psychiatrist when I go in January. Hopefully it won’t interact with anything I’m currently taking. I’m also going to schedule an appointment with my audiologist and see what adjustments she can make.

Boo anxiety, but at least I’m a) aware and b) have a plan. That’s much better than in the past when it was running the show 24/7 with no end in sight.