Religious Sweet Creams

I’m sorta reposting today. It’s probably more repurposing, since I’m editing it a bit with some extra comments, but does anyone actually say “repurposing blog posts?” If not, it’s a thing now. I won’t even copyright it. You’re welcome.

This was written a few years ago. 


Last night, my husband and I were talking about Halloween. More specifically, we were talking about candy. I want the good stuff, and he wants whatever is cheapest. He’s like whatever the step up from Ebeneezer Scrooge would be, but for Halloween.

This is still true. We’ve compromised now to where we do a mix of good stuff and cheap stuff. 

Even if I haven’t always gotten into dressing up for Halloween or decorating for Halloween, I’ve always looked forward to handing out candy to kids. We would only get like two or three trick-or-treaters where I lived at growing up (rural area and all), and those were usually relatives. So now that I live in the only neighborhood in the same rural area, I enjoy handing out candy. And I don’t want to give out crappy candy that gets thrown away immediately after kids sort through it all. I also don’t like the idea that someone might come back and TP our yard if we give them a single tiny Tootsie Roll, as Ebeneezer might if I were to leave him in control of the candy. It’s only one night per year and it’s fun! Clearly it’s not a time to go in miser mode.

“Get out your computer and see what kind of deals we can get on bulk candy for Halloween,” he instructed me last night. He figured that if Imitation Chocolate Substance With Possible Traces of Plastic wasn’t going to cut it with me, that we could at least buy the ton that we need online and possibly save money over what we’d pay at the store.

I did my search and found this Christian-themed candy.

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This candy mix is perfect for your church Halloween party! Trunk-or-Treaters love the included Bible Verse Buttermints, Faith Jelly Bean Treat Packets, Tangy Tarts Scripture Candy, Cross-Shaped Swirl Pops, Religious Fish Candy Treat Packets, Carried by the Lord Gummy Fun Packs, Religious Sweet Creams, God Loves Us All Printed Suckers, Tootsie Rolls® and Wonka™ Mix-Ups®. (200 pcs. per unit, 3 lbs.) Assortment may vary.

I laughed so hard while reading this description that I had tears running down my face. I’m a Christian, but absurd stuff like that kills me.

Scripture Candy. Lord Gummy Fun Packs. Testamints. Who’s job is this? I would 100 percent take a job that let me name religious-themed candy. Baptist? You get the “Burn in hell” cinnamon jawbreakers. Catholic? How about y’all get the Everlasting Life Everlasting Gobstopper so someone has something to get through the whole service? Ummm…Methodists get something plain. “We so vanilla” vanilla wafers.

It wasn’t a terrible price, but did lack the Good Candy requirement, so I passed. I’ll probably pick up a dozen bags of whatever good stuff is on sale next week when I’m out by myself. If one of the bags is something he loves, he might just study over the receipt in silence and not even complain. Wouldn’t it be nice?

Bonus

While I’m sort of on the subject of religion, I saw something even more eyebrow raising yesterday evening.

On the way home from retrieving our pizza from Papa John’s, I saw some people standing by the road — almost in it — waving in such a way that it looked like they were trying to flag someone down. Thinking they needed help, I slowed down a bit to check things out, figuring that I’d turn around if it looked like something I could help with, or call 911.

I didn’t turn around.

The people were standing next to a white kidnapper-style van with no windows that had a huge sign that said, “Prayer Drive Thru.”

facepalm

I don’t care who or what you believe in, that’s just creepy.

(I found out later that they were using it as a method of advertising for their church, in case you were concerned that maybe something fishy was going on. There are better ways of doing this, y’all, that doesn’t Killer Clown level creep folks out. Just saying.)

They are still doing this. IN A PANDEMIC. And they are all super old — like 70s and 80s. No masks, either. Someone quoted them on Facebook as saying that if it’s their time, it’s their time. And what better way to go, I guess. SIGH.

WordPress, Couch Licking, And More

Public Service Announcement

Let me get this out of the way…

There is a plague upon WordPress’s house. And that plague is the new editor.

I’ve used the classic editor for more than a decade. When they switched to boxes, I updated my settings for classic. And then another time, I contacted support to switch me back. But it looked like I was finally doomed to using the boxes on the last update.

I couldn’t find any info for switching back by search, and the most recent comment from support on one of the forums said they weren’t adjusting settings anymore. PANIC. I don’t like change. I’m still mad at Apple for changing the color of the music icon on the iPhone, and that was years ago. So moving away from the editor I used for work and fun — all the cuss words.

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Through luck, I figured it out. I went under “Posts” and when that opened, there was an “Add new” tab at the top with an arrow next to it. I clicked that arrow, and lo and behold, the option to post using the classic editor was there. Note: doing anything other than this gets me with the new editor. Don’t click “Add New” in the column on the left or it will give you boxes. Also, you have to sign in through yoursite.com/wp-admin for this.

Y’all are probably thinking WTH or don’t care because you use your tablets to post, and that’s great, but for the one or two of you who might miss Classic, there ya go.


Now that I have that info out of the way, I’ll move along to more personal shit. Nothing as juicy as the house that was taken, though.

First, what is wrong with my children? They fight over who gets to cuddle with me. You’d think that between me being built for comfortably cuddling two kids at once that they’d be fine, but no.

“I want the whole thing,” BG screams at LM.

Yes, “thing.”

“Stay on your side!” LM screams back.

“I don’t want a side! I want all of it!”

Yes, “it.”

“Well, you have to share OR ELSE.”

Cue BG balling up her fist and attempting to punch LM in the face. SIGH. I’ll tell ya, that little girl is stronger than she looks. Trying to manage her with one arm (with the bad shoulder) and keep her from attacking her brother isn’t easy. It’d be easier if her brother would move for a minute so I could deal with her, but no.

This happens every other day. Once they made a truce and agreed to each get one boob and over and avoid the middle, but I wasn’t entirely comfortable with that compromise. The last time we had a cuddle session, BG tried to cough on LM and told him she was giving him coronavirus.

Also, in the land of “What is wrong with my children?” WHY, WHY, WHYYYY will BG not stop licking the fucking couch?

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It is gross for so many reasons. She’ll either lick it or suck on it and leave huge spots. And GERMS. I threw the cushions in the wash the other day and made all sorts of threats if she licked the couch again (and I offered her alternatives since honestly, I know it’s a sensory thing but it’s so freaking strange), but the licking resumed after a couple of days.


Also, why do my children have to pick Halloween costumes that aren’t readily available? Last year BG wanted Beast Boy, and of course they hadn’t put out new Beastie costumes in some time. This year, BG wants Wolverine, and there isn’t anything in her size because either you get to be a baby Wolverine or a big kid Wolverine — kids still in toddler sizes don’t get to be Wolverine. LM at first wanted to be Hawkeye, but I couldn’t find anything for that. He’s in that weird place where kid’s costumes won’t fit and the adult costumes are too big. He then switched to Winter Soldier from the Captain America movies. I found a Wolverine jacket that has a masked hood and will pair that with some yellow pants for the girl, and I found a Winter Soldier shirt (it looks like his clothing/arm) and will add some other stuff to make it work for LM.

We are really looking forward to Halloween! It’ll be different since we won’t get to do any big festivals, but we’ll still have trick-or-treating. My neighborhood is perfect for distanced trick-or-treating, so I think it’ll be safe.


Last — has anyone watched the show The Boys on Amazon? It is so damn good. It shows what would happen if corporate America were in charge of real superheroes and stuff. It’s also an excellent parallel for the society we live in. (I won’t say much otherwise, because of spoilers. Just check it out.)

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How was your week?

Hey, Underoos

I’m writing this post because it is something y’all really need to know.

Like, really need to know.

The last time I bought new underwear was sometime before Baby Girl was born. I’m not sure exactly when, but she’s 6 now, so it’s been a while. I’m really picky about underwear. You’d think maybe most women are, but the uncovered elastic waistband seems to dominate the underwear market, so y’all can’t be that picky because that uncovered elastic is the devil.

Underoos - Imgflip

(Speaking of devils, LM offered to make BG a PB&J last week, and she declined because “he makes the devil PB&Js with crunchy peanut butter and strawberry jelly.” I had never heard of Devil PB&Js, but okay. If we can have Jesus Chicken aka Chick-Fil-A, then we can definitely have Devil PB&Js.)

So, a decade ago I found the perfect underwear. Hanes ComfortSoft waistband boyshorts for women. 100% cotton, no polyester blend. They didn’t ride up, they were super comfortable, and THE BAND WAS ENCASED IN COTTON. Plus they were tagless, which wasn’t standard in underwear for us peasant folk back then. And then Hanes discontinued them, as people apparently don’t like comfort, but I lucked out and found a few unopened packs on eBay in my size sometime before the girl was born. Ever since that day I’ve prayed to the underwear gods for Hanes to bring back my underwear.

Six years is a long time. I had a lot of undies since I got those packs on eBay, but that shit didn’t last forever. My undies stopped holding things in place and got some holes. (One pair with a hole in the crotch may have made an appearance at my full-body exam with the dermatologist. When they said “full body,” I was thinking “full body like at the GYN, where I wear nothing under a gown.” And then they said keep my underwear on. Fuuuuck. For once in my life, I’d have preferred less coverage.)

I started my underwear search, but the underwear gods hadn’t listened and reintroduced my brand, so I had to look elsewhere. A couple weeks ago, I hit up Amazon, determined to find some underwear that were comparable to my old ones. That was not an easy task. One package looked good, but no, it was a polyester blend. One package was perfect, but wait, not my size. Another package looked promising only to zoom in on the elastic band and see that it wasn’t covered. Devils. I looked and looked and looked and finally found something that checked off every box except for “boyshorts.”

Granny panties, y’all. I got granny panties.

And they are comfortable as hell. They don’t ride up, they have a comfortable waistband, they have a bit of tummy control. They’re some random ass brand, too, but they had great ratings on Amazon, so for $25 I gave them a try, and it was worth it.

Once they arrived, I threw out the underwear that had potential to embarrass me if I either a) wore them to another doctor appointment or b) got in a wreck and had to have my underwear cut off. Seriously, my grandma was always talking about how important it is to wear clean underwear that are in good repair when leaving the house. Because if you have a wreck, they might see your underwear, and…well, she didn’t really follow up with anything, but one can only assume that they’d open the back of the ambulance and kick out the gurney holding the person with the poor underwear.

I had another thought about my grandmother when I was tossing the undies. You see, she never tossed my holey underwear. Oh, no. She kept them.

Now you’re probably thinking, “WTF, Grandma?!”

She grew up during the Great Depression and was the type who didn’t like to throw away anything, and that meant keeping my old cotton underwear to use as rags for dusting. (Hers were silky undies, so they weren’t dust cloth material.) As it turns out, teenage girls aren’t fans of their grandmas keeping their old holey underwear lying around to use for cleaning. Seriously, when she dusted, sometimes she’d do a bit and stop. And the next thing you know, one of my friends was dropping by and there sat my raggedy underwear on one of the decorative tables.

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That was very good motivation to make sure I beat her to dusting.

She still had some of my old underwear in her cleaning cabinet when she died. So, with a dozen family members in the house going through my grandmother’s things, my dad managed to find my old underwear, hold them up for all to see, and ask if I wanted to keep them.

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Do you feel like you know enough about me and my undies by now? Too much, perhaps?

Daily Writing Prompt: The Last Text You Sent

In my efforts to write more, I’m going to start using random daily writing prompts. They may not make for fantastic posts, but at least I’ll be writing and writing about more than just life in quarantine.

Today’s prompt:

Use the last text message you sent as today’s writing prompt.

I send lots of memes and funny pictures, so technically the last message I sent was something I saw online.

In case you don’t watch The Office, that’s Kevin. From The Office. And he’s carrying his Kevin’s Famous Chili. All is well in Kevin’s world in that moment in the parking lot. He made some chili that his coworkers are fond of, so he’s thinking he will be the popular guy in the office for the day. And considering how his love life has been going, he needs the bump in positive attention and confidence.

Well.

In 2020 fashion, this doesn’t work out too well for Kevin.

Because there's nothing better than starting an episode with poor ...

And here’s the clip of the opening with Kevin’s Famous Chili.

If you didn’t watch it, he commented, “It’s probably the thing I do best.”

Oof.

I thought that meme was pretty funny, yet accurate. While I’m not the biggest fan of New Years Resolutions, nor do I subscribe to the idea that New Year is a fresh start, it kinda felt that way in 2020. It was a brand-new decade, after all, as well as an election year for those of us in the US! Many of us were all Kevin with his chili in the parking lot. Hopeful, eager, excited about what the future brings, etc. (And maybe others would be more like the unpictured Angela, who is a vegetarian and wouldn’t have cared too much about Kevin’s chili and just carrying on about her daily life.)

And by mid-March, the chili fell in the floor. At first glance, it’s bad, but maybe not that bad? Perhaps some of the chili could be salvaged. But now we’re in August and that chili is all over the floor, the carpets stink and need to be pulled up, and no one got any yummy chili.

I could totally go for some chili right now.

And if you want the last actual text I sent, it’s:

Get me the fresh ones.

This was in reference to cinnamon rolls (my husband was at the grocery store). You’ll be happy to know that he did, indeed, get me the fresh ones instead of the ones that expire soon. Unfortunately, they were 2020 cinnamon rolls and were too sweat to eat. Yes, there is such a thing!

Join me for the Daily Writing Prompt if you want! Share your last text in the comments below or create a post of your own if you’re struggling for writing ideas. Link back here so I can read it.

Dammit, Meredith

We didn’t end up having our visitor. Gotta say, I’m relieved. I want to help where I can, but I’m glad we didn’t have the exposure. I’m also glad we didn’t mention it to the kids, as they would’ve been crushed.

I’ve been busy today. I sewed 20 masks for my daughter’s school. Since masks are required, our district has been asking people to help out. I donated a bunch to the district office to distribute already, but since the girl may be going in-person, I wanted to make sure her class/school has plenty. I’ve also been getting a bottle of hand sanitizer here and there, so we can donate that to her class, too. The good stuff is finally in stock again. I never thought I’d be so happy to see Germ-X or Purell on the shelves. That watery garbage sanitizer practically took my breath away.

NSFry Hand Sanitizer - Meme on Imgur

The girl had an appointment with her neurologist yesterday. Last year she was diagnosed with neurofibromatosis, and she has to do yearly visits. She was supposed to go a few months ago, but ya know. She had to have a full body exam to look for cafe au lait spots and tumors, and my husband quickly discovered that BG chose to ditch her underwear before going.

DAMN IT MEREDITH WHERE ARE YOUR PANTIES? It's Casual Day | the ...

(The compression underwear is a new strategy to keep her from putting her hands in her pants all the time. They’re like bicycle shorts and tougher to get into. Sigh.)

My husband said her body was clear of any tumors and some of her spots had faded away. He said the doctor seems skeptical now of whether she has NF. My husband was diagnosed as a kid, so that factored into BG’s diagnosis. She had many of the classic clinical symptoms — large head, small stature, clumsy, freckling in odd spots, and a bunch of cafe au lait spots. Between that and my husband’s diagnosis, that was enough for a clinical diagnosis for her. I told my husband he should get genetic testing done, and if he’s clear, then she would be, too. That would be awesome, as that disease can be pretty awful. (Google if you want, I’m not going to post the pics of the severe cases here.)

My husband and the girl’s conversation yesterday:

BG: Why am I going to the doctor?

Husband: To get a check up for neurofibromatosis. [Details on what it is and the symptoms, including clumsiness.]

BG: Clumsiness? So Mommy has it, too?

Oof.

On other medical stuff, at the girl’s well visit last week, her doctor and I discussed medication to help with the extreme tantrums. They’ve been bad and tend to be more violent lately. (I’ve had my share of bruises over the past few months, and my husband and son have had a bunch of bites.) Her doctor is going to try her on an ADHD medicine and see if that helps. I hate, hate, hate the idea of this, but I’m willing to give it a trial to see if it helps there. It has been a year since we first talked about it, and we opted to wait to see if therapies and another year of development would help (and was also hopeful that the tonsillectomy would since she’d sleep better), but it hasn’t overall. Fingers crossed on that.

Three days of posts in a row. B-)

Changes Are A’ Coming

It has been quite some time since I played the blog name change game. I actually set up a new WordPress account, thinking I’ll just get a fresh start and maybe that would help with the writing. I don’t know how much sense that makes, but it did at the time.

And now I’m thinking maybe a blog makeover here, where I’ve been for six years, would be better. I wouldn’t have to refollow everyone and all that. Does it make sense that it would help with the writing? Still probably not. But hell, it’s worth trying.

Writing has been my outlet for a long time, and it is also one of the few social outlets I have. I have a couple of friends I talk to regularly, but those conversations have been getting shorter and shorter since there really isn’t much to talk about. And lord, Facebook is just awful and frankly contributes to some depression. (That might sound odd, but I’ll explain more about that later.) So much for social media being a great outlet for social interaction during a time of isolation. It’s important to be active on here, through posting, reading, and commenting to have that outlet.

I’m also going to go through my old posts and see what’s worth keeping up and what’s not. Not that anyone goes through old posts anyway, but whatever. It’ll be part of the process and might even spur some ideas for new posts.

So, yeah, some changes are coming. And hopefully it’ll be worth it.

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(I’m so optimistic!)

A Post To Remember – 6 Years

I dunno what’s up with that title. I was going for classy, because I imagine a post acknowledging having a WordPress account for six years deserves a certain amount of classiness, but it just comes off as corny.

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No, Jim, it probably isn’t.

So, corniess aside, it has been six years since I created this blog. I didn’t make my first post for a couple of months, but here I am, six years later, close to 700 blog posts (only a small fraction are still visible to the public), and at least another 100 deleted out of cringe.

As I’ve said before, this started as my therapy blog, but it has never been just that. I’ve probably made more posts about stuff with my kids or life in general that therapy/mental illness stuff. It has been a good place to vent, work out problems through writing (even if they’re deleted now, it helped to post at the time and get some feedback), chronicle my kids’ childhoods, and even share creative writing a couple of times.

Aside from improving my mental health through writing, I don’t think I had any long-term blog goals when I started. No “X amount of views” or “X amount of followers” or whatever. And with no more than I post now and with how things have changed so much, I wouldn’t dare look at my stats.

For whatever long-term goals I did (or didn’t) have, I can tell you that I wouldn’t have imagined being in a place where I’m barely writing. Especially with so much extra time on my hands.

To wrap up this post that tried to start out with a joke and ended up flat, here’s to another year in the WordPress world. Six years. Hopefully the seventh is a bit more productive! (And less pandemicky.)

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(Upon proofreading this, I swear, I should just change Eeyore to my avatar lol.)

What Is Your Star Wars Personality Type?

I love doing personality tests once in a while and especially like to see what changes — if anything — over the years. One test I go back to at times is the MBTI. When my husband and I were doing some counseling with our pastor before we got married, he had us both do the test. My husband was an INTJ and I was an INFJ, slightly different. The Palpatine to my Obi-Wan Kenobi. Fast forward 14 years, and he’s still an INTJ while I am an INFP. Not much improvement on that match-up!

You can take the long quiz here and match it up to the chart below or take the short quiz here that matches you up to your Star Wars personality type.

The Dreamer: INFP (Luke Skywalker)

Defining Attributes: Creative, Private, Introspective, Highly Idealistic

Driven by your values, as an INFP you are interested in helping people and serving humanity as a whole. An easy going individual, you are unusually adaptable and laid-back unless a strongly-held value of yours is threatened. “Idealists” are characterized by their ability to be present with another individual on a deep level, and are usually Imaginative and often talented in language and writing.

via GeekInHeels.com

I think my family would disagree on the laid-back part. As my husband says, “You are the most uptight laid-back person I know. You can be laid-back until you get uptight about something, and then it’s on.”

So, which Star Wars personality are you? Or, if you’re not a quiz-taking person, which one do you most identify with?