Facial Hair and Tattling (Day 10)

This is gonna be a weird one, because I’m going to talk about facial hair in women. Specifically, me.

I should’ve learned not to shave additional areas of my body, beyond legs and armpits, years ago. When I was in high school, I saw the tiniest bit of peach fuzz on the tops of my hands and belly. Shaved it, the belly hairs grew in dark instead of blond. Ugh, so now that gets handled regularly and has developed more over time. The hand hair is mild and barely noticeable, but it was enough to know I shouldn’t have shaved there.

I don’t know if it’s just getting older, hormones, genes, or what, but my face is getting hairy. Brown and blonde hairs popping up all over. There were the few stray chin hairs, which turned into more. And then the sides of my face (kinda where men would have sideburns and muttonchops) developed peach fuzz. And some new hair came up around my temples and spread out close to my eyebrows. Then there’s the bit of above-the-lip hair.

I’ve wanted electrolysis for more than a decade, back when that bit of fuzz over the lip appeared. My husband has maintained all along that it’s not noticeable to anyone but me, but then sometime at the end of the last year, Little Man made a comment about how I had a mustache.

Oh no.

I looked around online to see what would be best — bleaching, Nair remover, or shaving. I came across an eyebrow razor that said it removes peach fuzz and exfoliates the skin. Since it’s not a regular razor, I just thought it would be different somehow and that I wouldn’t have to worry about removing the fuzz again for a while. Well, eyebrow razors work exactly the same as regular razors in that they shave the hair. (And the fact that I was even somewhat surprised there shows my stupidity with all this crap.) I realized this after doing my upper lip. And then I thought maybe I should stop there, but thought the peach fuzz on the side of my face might stand out more, so I shaved that, too. And then I decided that there should be no hair near where I pull back my hair near the ears when I do a ponytail (you know how there’s always baby hairs that won’t pull back on the way?) and decided to shave all that off, too.

Shaving my face? Mistake. Shaving the “baby hairs” where I pull back my hair for a ponytail? Huge mistake. The peach fuzz bits are all growing in much darker as opposed to being blondish, and where I pull back my hair just looks awful. I look like I have a 5 o’clock shadow after a few days.

Big Mistake...HUGE! – Brandon Steiner

Again, my husband said it looks fine and that I should stop looking at it with a 10x magnifying mirror, but he also got reading glasses recently because he can’t so much as read the texts on his phone without difficulty anymore.

Sigh.

Don’t shave anything extra.

Did you enjoy learning about my hair maintenance woes? Probably not. Here’s a story about the kids from yesterday to make up for it.

Yesterday evening, I heard the kids yell, “Mom!” “Mommy!” in angry voices. They can running into the kitchen.

“Don’t tell her!” Baby Girl said.

“Oh, I’m gonna tell her,” Little Man said.

I don’t wanna be told. 

“I said ‘DON’T!” Baby Girl shouted. “Mommy, order him not to tell you.”

“Little Man, don’t tell me,” I said, “as long as Baby Girl tells me herself.”

“What?” Baby Girl responded.

“Tell me what you did yourself, and then LM doesn’t have to tell me,” I answered.

Baby Girl gave me The Look. “I don’t want to.”

“Okay, then I’ll ask LM…”

“Mommy, I forgot what happened. Sometimes I forget things.”

So Little Man told me, and it became clear that none of the lectures about germs and viruses that I’ve given over the past few months have stuck.

“She licked her hand and then put it on my face. And when I yelled and told her not to do that, she licked me.”

Gross.

So, a new sentence was spoken by me last night. “We don’t lick our hands and then put them on people’s faces.”

Julia Louis Dreyfus Wine GIF by TV Land - Find & Share on GIPHY

Day 9

A friend shared a link for a free course on COVID-19 contact tracing through Johns Hopkins University, so I started that over the weekend. I’m really enjoying it so far, too. I can’t imagine doing such a job since much of it is being on the phone talking to people, but it’s still fun to learn.

Science, Bitch ! GIF | Gfycat

This has me wanting to figure out a master’s degree program to start working on again, but I am still so torn. There are a few degree areas I’m interested in, but I’m not certain when I’ll go back to a full-time job. Cost is a factor, too, as some programs I’m interested in are upwards of $60,000, which is just insane. (This is coming from someone who graduated in 2006. I had a scholarship, but still kept an eye on tuition rates, and they went from “able to afford it on my part-time job and have money leftover” to “I’d definitely have to get financial aid” from Year 1 to Year 4 had I had to pay for it myself.) Finding a master’s for an area where I’ll be in an environment where hearing won’t be an issue is something to consider, too.

I think this is something like Year 8 of “figure out my future.”

On a different note, the kids are doing something else that is very annoying. Surprising, right? So, y’all know how “jixing” and “ha ha-ing” is a thing? Add “Force (choking, shoving, etc.)” to the list.

“Mommy, he’s Force Pushing me!”
“Mom, she’s Force Biting me!”
“Mom, he’s Force Pulling me!”

Top 30 Force Push GIFs | Find the best GIF on Gfycat

It sounds like something to embrace at first, because they’re not actually touching each other. No biting or pushing is good! It’s still annoying as fuck, though, after they Force Something each other 30 times in five minutes.

Tomorrow is Speech Therapy day for the girl. Her therapist said she’s only providing virtual sessions for a couple more weeks, and then we have to either switch to going to the office or stopping them for the time being. Occupational started back a couple or few weeks ago (time is funky, so idk), and we opted not to go back yet. Their office is taking a lot of precautions, but an hour one-on-one of handling shit other kids have handled seems like a bit too much exposure. And I’m not sure how speech will work in-person if they’re wearing masks, especially since her therapist uses different tools in BG’s mouth to position her tongue. Previously the office said all kids would be required.

Decisions. I’d really hate for her to lose both of those therapists. :-/

Days 7 and 8

Playing catch-up again!

I hope y’all have had a good weekend. We hung around the house working on various projects for the most part. My husband took the kids on a ride Friday evening and ended up stopping at a park that had no people at it and let them play a bit and then got ice cream cones. The kids were overjoyed! That’s the biggest dose of normalcy they’ve had in almost three months. (Plenty of hand washing and sanitizing, of course.)

Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like easing back into things will be happening soon here. We had talked about a “slowly pulling off the Band-Aid” approach with family and a couple of close friends in small ways, but cases shot up by 50 percent in our county and by a lot in our state this week. We’ve been very strict about what we do over the past three months and were hoping that we could get back to more normalish activities soon, but ugh.

The girl is planning her birthday. It’s coming up in a couple of weeks. We talked about food and cake last night, and then she told me her wishes for the big day:

BG: Here’s what I want — I want a day without Mommy raising her voice at me, a day without LM aggravating me, and a day without Daddy singing poop songs.

LM: Well, I want a day without you (BG) screaming.

BG: Well, I’ll do what I want since it’s my birthday. And it’s not your birthday, so you don’t get what you want. It’s not February, it’s JUNE.

The girl went on to discuss more of her wishes for her birthday, which include LM not jinxing or “ha ha-ing” her. (More on the Ha Has here.) She doesn’t want her dad to talk in his Mufasa voice, even though he only does this when she asks him to as part of playing Lion King. She also told us she doesn’t want us to laugh at anything she says unless she tells us it’s a joke in advance. So, no laughing at her cute or unintentionally funny comments. She isn’t one to tell jokes often, either. That’ll be an interesting day!

Since it’s unlikely that virus still will improve much over the next two weeks, we aren’t planning on a party with guests. At the most, we would invite the grandparents for a cookout outdoors, but I doubt that will happen. One set isn’t going anywhere right now; my MIL is thinking about going out of town; and my dad would want to bring everyone at his house (presently 8 people). It would be nice for them to get to see BG on her birthday (or the weekend before) and share some cake, and we could probably make it very low-risk with the right conditions. We’ll see. We’ve been preparing BG for the idea that things will be very different this year, and she seems very understanding so far.

Some of my friends have been doing birthday drive-bys/parades for their kids, but we are going to ask people to send birthday cards instead. She loves getting mail, so she’ll be thrilled if she gets a few cards.

43 quarantine birthday ideas, gifts and cards

I hope you have a good Monday!

Days 5 and 6

Well, I only made it four posts without missing a day.

Oops.

I’m slowly going insane over here. Both dogs are inside for reasons. They usually stay outside, but are very much inside right now. Two dogs, two children, small house, too much noise and smells and movement. This is not good for my quarantine sanity.

Dog hair is everywhere. I have swept and vacuumed four times today. I have also changed my socks four times. No shortage of hair. And lots of fun times with the asthma.

This month is going to be like “The Yellow Wallpaper” story.

I’m not really a dog person, but the boys are super sweet. The older one is the most patient dog I’ve ever seen. He lets Baby Girl put reindeer antlers and superhero capes on him. He’s also a sneaky little bastard. My husband put a plate of bacon on the table this morning and went to get LM for breakfast. When he came back a few minutes later, the plate was in the floor and all that remained was tiny bacon bits in the floor. The younger dog has the most personality of any dog we’ve owned and is very protective. His favorite hobbies are stealing the other dog’s stuffie raccoon and barking at his own reflection.

Sweet boys. Sweet, smelly, loud, shedding boys.

The younger one.

Hope y’all are having a nice weekend 🙂

June 4

The heat is here.

Dwight's “Hotel Hell” salary, $80,000, breaks down to 6,666.66 a ...

Well, not “never,” but check-out time won’t be until late October or early November.

Humidity, wasps, mosquitoes, oh my! Time for my regular heat-related whine posts again.

I am dragging today, y’all. My sinuses have been bothering me. Between that and anxiety, I was awake until 4:30 last night. I need a good 10 hour night so I can get refreshed. The kids have had way too much screen today, but whatever. They both cleaned up their rooms this morning and read for a while, so I’ll take that as a win.

Today’s sibling fighting involved giving each other coronavirus. It’s not the first time this has happened. Maybe I should do daily posts solely on the nature of their fights. LM instigated it, as he likes to do. Tapped BG and yelled, “You’ve got the RONA” in the most redneck voice possible. And then she got pissed off at him and smacked him and told him he had it. And so on.

Things Every Sleep-Deprived Mom Has Thought | POPSUGAR Family

Okay, I’m done for now. This barely counts as a post, but whatever, day 4 of 30 is done.

June 3

“Ha ha!”

Sounds pretty innocent, right? Just laughing. Chuckling. Whatever.

No.

“Ha ha!” is the sound that happens before brawls occur in my house. “Ha ha!” is what leads to Baby Girl’s shrieking so loudly that my ear drums come damn close to bursting. “Ha ha!” equals a migraine.

It all started when we got Disney+. Disny-fucking-Plus. Little Man discovered The Simpsons, watched the hell out of it, and started imitating some of the characters. This includes Nelson’s oh-so-annoying “Ha ha!”

(I can’t imagine that anyone hasn’t heard that given how long the show has been on the air, but if you haven’t, watch it before continuing this post. And then replay it 10 times in a row.)

Someone stubs their toe? He “Ha has.” Loses something? “Ha has.” Exists? “Ha ha.” It became a knee-jerk reaction with LM, one that I tried to make go away by banning The Simpsons for a while.

And then Baby Girl started “Ha ha-ing.” Same obnoxious tone. And then the tattling started big time. “Mom! She is ‘ha ha-ing’ me!” I was like, “Really, LM? You’re mad because of the thing you taught her?” I told her to cut it out, of course, but it’s like every other not-good thing he has taught her where she eventually flipped it back on him. “Idiot! Brat” Ugh.

Have y’all ever snapped at your kids:

“Stop ha ha-ing each other!”
“No more ha-has!”
“If you ha ha one more time today, no more screen!”

I sound like such an awful, crabby person.

Damn “ha has.”

Damn Simpsons. Now I see why my grandmother wouldn’t let me watch it as a kid. She said it was trashy, like Roseanne (sigh), but maybe she was on to something. She avoided the “ha has,” which my sister and I would have surely imitated and annoyed her with, too.

Nelson Ha Ha GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

I don’t know if anyone ever said it on the show, but fuck you Nelson.

June 2

Look at me, a two day posting streak. Day 2 of 30!

I’m going with funny stuff Baby Girl said today.

Best Mommy Ever? Maybe not.

After LM gave me a LEGO trophy for being the best mom ever last week, Baby Girl had to give me one, too. It was a tower of little LEGO Duplo blocks with a Duplo cupcake on top.

“You’re the best mommy ever!” she said as she gave it to me and gave me a big hug.

So sweet.

An hour later, I told her to pick up her toys out of the living room so I could sweep.

“I don’t want to mess up my lion den!” she exclaimed. The lion den was built out of a bunch of different toys stacked in a circle. I told her to rebuild the den in her room and move the toys, which pissed her off, of course. And she doesn’t get a little mad, she goes from sweet to Hulk. After stomping her feet and hissing at me (because lions hiss, growl, and snarl, and she’s a lion), she threatened to take back the trophy.

“If you make me clean up these toys,” she said, “I’m taking back your trophy! You won’t be the best mommy anymore — you’ll be the worst. I’ll make a new trophy that says you’re the meanest mommy ever.”

So dramatic.

“I guess I won’t be the best mommy ever anymore,” I replied, “because you’re moving the toys.”

She gave me The Look. “Well, you’re still the best mommy ever. Just not for a few seconds. You can keep the trophy.” She proceeded to move her stuff.

Sonic Dash

We rented the new Sonic movie on Amazon last night and watched it. The kids had already watched it with their grandparents, and it was my first time watching it. I so did not want to watch that movie. It didn’t sound like my cup of tea (and wasn’t). But BG begged me to cuddle on the couch with her and watch it, and I couldn’t say no to that. After it was over, BG started running around the house.

“I’m so fast!” she said. “I’m Sonic. I have really strong legs, which means I can run super fast. Maybe even faster than Sonic.” (I love her view of herself, by the way. She is small and has always been the shortest in her class or on her team and also has developmental coordination disorder, which makes some things harder for her. Before soccer got canceled and they ran for practice, she would barely make it 1/4 of the way around and her teammates would have finished. That didn’t stop her from seeing herself as faster than Flash, though. ❤ )

She wanted me to video her running, so I set the video to Time Lapse and had her run a few times. In Time Lapse mode, it made her look like she was indeed as fast — and maybe even faster — than Sonic.

“The reason I run so fast like Sonic is because my legs are fast like a cheetah’s and my lungs are great,” she said proudly.

Moves Like A Tortoise

We were playing with BG’s Teen Titans yesterday when she told me she wished she had superpowers like Beast Boy. (Beast Boy can transform into any animal he wants at any time.)

I asked her what animals she would turn into and expected her to say “lion” or some other animal from the African Savanna.

“I’d turn into a tortoise,” she answered.

“Why?”

“Well, if you fussed at me and told me to clean up my toys, I’d just turn into a tortoise and slowly walk away from you. You wouldn’t want to pick up a tortoise, either, so you couldn’t say anything to me.”

Zebra Fries

And speaking of animals from the African Savanna, we were playing family with her zebras, giraffes, lions, elephants, and a few other savanna animals. They had a snack shop, too, which you might not expect in the wild. The snack shop served zebra fries and antelope smoothies.

“How about lemur cake?” I suggested, going along with her.

BG looked at me like I was a total dumbass. “Mommy, lemurs don’t live in the Savanna. They live in Madagascar.”

“Well, maybe some of them live in the Savanna,” I responded.

“Mommy, NO! Madagascar is an ISLAND. We DO NOT have lemur cakes at this snack stand!”

You’d think that if the lions could have a snack stand, that they could have lemur cakes no matter where they’re from, but nope. She’s right, by the way. I googled lemurs, and they are indeed native to Madagascar. I didn’t realize Madagascar was an island, either, but that’s to be expected since I suck a geography.

COVID-19 Quiz

To wrap it up, BG’s answers to a coronavirus quiz.

1. What is the Coronavirus?
A bad virus.

2. Who is the president?
It used to be George Washington.

3. How many days have we been in quarantine?
A lot.

4. Do you want to go back to school/daycare?
Yes. I miss my friend Z.

5. Who is the first person you are going to hug when social distancing is over?
Z.

6. Where is the first place you want to go?
Great Wolf Lodge!

7. What do you think we can do to get rid of of the virus?
Scare it away.

8. Is your mom a good teacher?
No. You’re not a real teacher. But you are a good homeschool teacher.

9. How did the Coronavirus start?
I don’t know that.

10. Are you enjoying the lockdown?
I gotta pee.

June 1

Thirty days of blogging is officially underway. This is just going to be a rambling post, nothing spectacular to start off a blog challenge 😉

Summer vacation has officially started. It’s weird starting vacation without my long list of things to do during the summer. Vacation, weekend trips, overnight stays at the waterpark resort, museums, Chuck E. Cheese, camps, the summer reading program, etc. Unless things change big-time, it looks like we’ll be doing summer the same way I did growing up.

Aside from my brief stint with the Girl Scouts and doing their week-long day camp, I didn’t do summer camps. We typically went to either the beach or the mountains for a week, but that was the extent of our overnight stays. We didn’t go to Chuck E. Cheese or museums or much of anywhere. We did go to the library a lot, although our library didn’t have summer programs for kids past third grade or so. My grandma would take us each week, and we would spend hours there. Definitely the highlight of my summers. Aside from that, most of my summer was spent hanging out at home, playing outside, reading, watching TV, seeing my cousin occasionally, and playing video games. We lived in a rural area, so there wasn’t a neighborhood with kids to play with.

A summer that isn’t overplanned and exhausting (as my summer plans tend to be) will be a change, but good in many ways, I’m sure.

A friend of mine had a drive-by birthday party for her son yesterday. (The birthday kid/parents stay outside and people stay in their cars and drive by to wish them a happy birthday.) We went through to say hello and drop off a gift. Baby Girl got to talk to someone her age in person for the first time in 2.5 months, and she was overjoyed. ❤ Her birthday is in three weeks, so I guess we’ll be doing the same thing.

Right now I’m listening to Baby Girl sing as I write. She’s singing “[Little Man] is a butt!” over and over. LM isn’t even in the house.

Wanna hear the source of a major fallout at my house the other day? Better yet, let me show you.

Amazon.com: Magic 8 Ball: Mini: Toys & Games

My cousin and I used to use this in our tween/early teen years to determine our future husbands. (Note: I did not marry JTT, despite what the ball said.) The fortune telling toy is bad news for the Anxious household, though. Baby Girl started things by asking if LM was a brat. (SIGH) It said, “Yes definitely,” much to her glee. So LM took it and asked it the same question, and it also said “yes” for her. She started straight up sobbing.

“Magic 8 Ball is always right! It said I’m a brat!”

After several minutes of crying, she took the ball and asked, “Is Magic 8 Ball the King of the Idiots?”

Thankfully the damn thing said “yes.” (I think they probably weren’t doing a good job of shaking it up.) And that settled it — the King of the Idiots couldn’t be trusted to tell the truth, so she was fine. (And then she asked it if I’m a bad mom today, it said yes, and she was upset again. I don’t know why the hell I haven’t donated it to Goodwill yet and made it someone else’s problem.)

Happy Monday, y’all.