It has been a little while since I did a personal update, and I’ve finally got some drama to write about. That makes for a more interesting update type post, but not great on a personal level!
So, a few months ago, I found out that my dad was selling his BEAUTIFUL lake home to my stepsister. It was going to take a while for it to happen, but that was the plan. I told him if it fell through for any reason, to let me know, as we were interested. That was the third time he sold a house to a sibling we would’ve liked to put an offer on, so I wanted it to be clear that we were looking for a bigger place. (It’s much larger than our house with a kitchen out of a magazine, plus a huge in-ground pool.)
A couple weeks ago, he called and let me know some issues came up with my stepsister buying it, and despite giving them a few weeks to think about it and figure things out, she backed out. So it was ours if we wanted it, and we 100 percent did. We went over for lunch with the intention of privately talking about it, but he and my stepmom let the cat out of the bag in front of the kids, and they were super excited.
That excitement lasted two days.
And then my dad texted me and said my stepsister was asking to reconsider. He and my stepmom thought it would “only be fair” for us to step away from the deal to give her more time. “I know you’d want to be fair to her. This is important to her and [stepmom], and they’ve been crying over it. I don’t want any resentment there and to keep the peace. But it’s your choice.”
What a position to put me in. So…our feelings didn’t matter, it didn’t matter if there was any resentment coming from us or how important it was to us, and it was on us to keep the peace (instead of my stepsister, who never should’ve come back asking after a) backing out and b) knowing we were getting it). Lovely.
I told my dad that he was putting us in a bad position considering we’d shook on the deal and he had talked about it in front of the kids (we weren’t planning to tell them until we signed anything). He said he still wanted me to be fair, though, so we were like what-the-fuck-ever and told him to do what he wanted. (I guess I could’ve stood my ground for once in my life, but that would’ve just ended badly.) He thanked us and gushed over how big-hearted we were to be so fair and give my stepsister a chance.
A few days later, my stepsister decided she wanted the house, so that was that. “Unless she changes her mind again, then you can buy it.” Ha! And then I guess she could do the same shit again? We were pissed over it, and damned if that doesn’t bring up a lot of childhood shit and hurts some of the progress we’ve made relationship-wise over the past couple of years.
As upset as we were, we got over it fairly quickly. There are a few pros to not moving (like packing), plus we would really miss our neighborhood. It’s really nice and quiet and outside of one dude, our neighbors are really nice. (We wouldn’t have any neighbors in the other house.) The way they did things sucked, but staying angry won’t help any. I’ll take the lesson learned there, remember my place in that family, and be even more grateful for my little family and home. The kids were upset but quickly came up with some pros to not moving, too, so I’m thankful for that.
I have some other stuff to write about, but I think that’s enough for one post!
I commend your mature take on this. I would have been…angry, disappointed, confused, resentful…SO MANY EMOTIONS. The fact that they prioritized her feelings over yours is disheartening. I’m sorry you had to go through that roller coaster. I don’t know your family history so I can’t comment on that, but from how it sounds, this is somewhat typical. “Not meant to be”, would be my take on it. Onward and upward!
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This happened a couple weeks ago, so I was definitely feeling all those things before simmering down and letting it go. I had hoped some things had changed with time, but it hasn’t, and we probably avoided a huge future headache.
We have started plans for things to work on in our home 😀
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Happy to hear it!
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We had something similar happen to us about 2 months ago. A brother was selling his small hobby farm and knowing how much we loved it, made as if to sell to us… at the last minute (day of signing loan at bank) he pulled out. Why? He could get 10 grand more from a friend than what we’d agreed on. Now, they’re in the middle of a real hotbed area of covid and racism riots. So, in the end, we are thankful how it turned. We would have loved that farm, but the more we think about it and all that goes with home ownership, we feel blessed with the townhome we now live in. Our Senior neighbors who were in tears at the thought of us moving were overjoyed we were staying. We help them when they need it, tend their flower beds for them, take out the garbage,etc. It must be said that our neighbors have become more a family than our “blood” family.
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Ugh, I hate that happened to y’all, too. People just have no integrity whatsoever. I can’t imagine giving someone my word on something like that and pulling out. (Or if I had to, I’d feel like the world’s biggest POS and not all “whatever.”) Having good neighbors is a huge plus for sure! And you’re right on that, I’ve got friends who are much more family to me or treat me better anyway than my own.
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You are nicer and more mature than I am but I also don’t know all the backstory involved either. I am sorry that this happened to you and your family. So did it go through or did your stepsister bail again?
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If I hadn’t had to worry about World War 3, I wouldn’t have considered letting her rethink it. But I imagine if I had said no, it would’ve caused a blowout and I would’ve been told “well, we’re giving her more time anyway.” (And writing that out, it does seem like things worked out for the best for us.)
She’s getting it as far as I know. We were told if she changes her mind at any time, we can get it then, but I don’t think I want to deal with that shit further, or have to walk on eggshells over it.
We are going to do some updates in our house over the next few months. I need to fly you down here and get your expert opinion 😀
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I understand that. Family drama is tough and I imagine if I was in that situation, I would probably do the same thing. I hate confrontation and will do pretty much anything (to a fault) to avoid it. So I get that COMPLETELY.
Ooh! I would love that. Especially because I got no vacation this year. 😂😂
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The anxiety it causes is something else!
A working vacay 😀
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What a situation. They do say never to buy a car from a relative (presumably in case it breaks down and there’s bad blood), maybe it applies to houses too. Sorry you lost out on it.
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I bought my current house from a relative, too, and there have been issues that came up from it. I guess I should learn my lesson eventually!
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That’s some bullshit. That is all.
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