Don’t. Touch. My. Head. Pillow.

How many of y’all have head pillows?

And how many of y’all are like “WTF is a head pillow?”

My husband was confused the first time he heard me mention a head pillow. We had just moved in together and were getting adjusted to each other. The sleeping together part wasn’t fun, honestly. I liked my space and couldn’t sleep all that well with someone else in the bed — sleeping with him is like sleeping with a radiator, he took up space, and he snored.

The confusion came when I snatched a pillow out from under his head after he went to sleep. I was doing schoolwork late and he was asleep when I went to lay down. And what did I see when I got in bed? The bastard had taken one of my pillows. Specifically, my head pillow.

You see, I require at least four pillows to sleep. I need a base pillow, and that pillow can be soft or firm or whatever. Doesn’t matter, because it’s just the base, and its only purpose is to elevate me. And then I need my sleeping pillow, which needs to be able to be folded in half when I’m sick and need a little extra elevation so I can breathe better. Next, I need my holding pillow. You could call this the grown up version of a stuffed animal. Last, I must have my head pillow. It is a pillow that is old as fuck and should’ve been thrown out years ago, so it’s soft and squishy and has no form. It goes over my head to block out light, noise, and to add some weight, which I like for whatever reason.

Ideally, I would have two more pillows, but depending on what my husband takes, I can’t always make this work. First, I would have the leg pillow that goes under my legs and second, I would have a barrier pillow that I put between me and my husband or kids, whoever is sleeping near me. 

So, when I saw my head pillow under his head, I wasn’t very pleased. How was I supposed to go to sleep when this bastard had my head pillow under his head? I tried to ease the pillow out from under his head at first, but his giant cantaloupe head made that impossible, so I tried to do the sheet pull. You know, where people pull sheets out from under food and plates and stuff on a table. It didn’t go all that smoothly, so he woke up.

He groaned. “What are you doing?”

“You had my head pillow,” I hissed.

“Your what?”

“My head pillow. Get your own pillow, it’s on the floor next to your side.”

He did as instructed and went back to sleep. The next morning, he fussed over me snatching a pillow out from under his head.

“I brought my pillows into this apartment,” I said. “So they’re mine. I don’t share pillows. Especially my head pillow.” I don’t care how petty it made me sound. I frequently had insomnia, so a good night’s sleep didn’t happen often. And I sure as hell didn’t have a good chance of sleeping in less than optimal conditions.

He asked what a head pillow was, so I explained, and he still acted confused and said he had never heard of such a thing. I told him it didn’t matter if he had never heard of it as long as he didn’t touch my pillow again.

I had my first head pillow for 15 years. I don’t know how old the pillow was when I first got it from my grandma’s house, but it was perfect. When I was 30 and struggling with sinus issues, my doctor suggested replacing my pillows every six months. It’s possible that pillow may have contributed to my issues.

And then BG came along and threw up on my pillow. I couldn’t get it properly cleaned, so I had to throw it away. It was a sad day. I found another head pillow, though. And while it wasn’t perfect, it worked well enough. Unfortunately, she threw up on that one, too. And then another. (Reflux issues. I eventually learned to cover our pillows with beach towels when she came in.)

I finally settled into a new head pillow, but then BG stole it out of my room and started putting it on her head. She wanted a head pillow, too, and cried when I tried to take it back, so I let her keep it. Little Man also decided he wanted a head pillow and tried to take another of my pillows that was squishy enough, but I put my foot down and said no. He’s a mouthy little tween and less likely to tug on my heartstrings than BG. I got another pillow for him, but he’s still eyeing my head pillow.

Last night, my husband messed up. I came to bed and found my head pillow under his head again. He wasn’t asleep, but I was tired and cranky from the lack of sleep, so I roughly jerked it out from under his head.

“Don’t. Touch. My. Head. Pillow.”

He laughed and laughed. I told him if he touched it again, I’d smother him with it before I tried to go to sleep, which made him laugh even harder.

If y’all don’t have head pillows, what sleep habits do you have that others think are weird?

14 thoughts on “Don’t. Touch. My. Head. Pillow.”

  1. I don’t use a pillow under my head but I do like 2 or 3 around me to cuddle up whenever and however needed. Though I do require a lot of space and love sleeping alone, unless if its my boyfriend to cuddle with.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I have a stuffy… I started sleeping with a stuffy after my near fatal car accident when my chest was crushed and it was a necessity in case I should have to cough (which was extremely painful then). Now, I can’t sleep without it, or something similar squeezed against my chest. I used to get them at Build-A-Bear as they could stuff it hard the way a “heart” pillow should be, but they’ve downsized their animals to the point where they’re not big enough for my chest. So last time I had to replace mine it took me for-freaking-ever to find just the right one. Right now, it’s a speckled )blue/purple/pink bunny. I’ve taken lately to wrapping the ears up around my own to keep them warm, even. Hubby knows not to disturb my bunny… in fact, one night last week I started fussing in my sleep and he told me that he got my bunny off the floor, threw it on my chest, and I shut up and went back to sleep.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m in the habit of taking pillows and a blanket to the hotel now. I didn’t realize how much I rely on a fan or some other white noise, too, until we went on a cruise and I didn’t sleep a wink. On the last night I realized I couldn’t hear the hum of the engine since it was a larger ship and went “OH!”

      Liked by 1 person

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