My body feels half dead. I haven’t been sleeping well this week and have averaged around three hours of sleep per night. I feel so damn tired, but my brain won’t settle down at all. The melatonin isn’t touching it. I can usually take a nap after dropping off the girl in the mornings if I don’t sleep well the night before, but my brain ain’t having that this week.

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts, so many thoughts.

I should write about blah blah blah, I need to figure out how to clean the blah blah blah, I think I’ll order blah blah blah, I need to get my decorations and blah blah blah, I need to research IEP stuff and blah blah blah. 

Add in snippets of music between those thoughts, or interrupt those thoughts with snippets of music even, and you’ve got my brain.

Ever since getting on the perfect mix of meds for my bipolar disorder (my old psychiatrist got me stable and my new one added something that made things better), I’ve been much more balanced overall. My mood tracker went from looking like a level 5 thrill ride pre-meds to a level 2 ride that would probably mostly bore LM. I wonder if the sleep this week is due to another climb or if it’s just some run-of-the-mill insomnia. I’m not totally bouncing off the walls or being super impulsive or super creative, so it may be (and hopefully is) just the latter. That would be good since that would mean no drop in mood later.

I’ve been rather cranky as a result of the no sleep, and the kids have been foolish as hell this week. LM’s foolishness peaked yesterday, but thankfully I got out of the house and had dinner with a friend. And this morning, Baby Girl did well at first…she got up without complaint, got dressed, got her shoes on, and then stopped. She wouldn’t eat (whatever, I’m not gonna push it) and suddenly decided she wasn’t going to school. So she got back in bed, hid under the pillows, and refused to get up and get her hair combed and teeth brushed. Twenty minutes later, her dad got her in the bathroom kicking and screaming and did the best he could.

That’s how her hair looked.

I drove her to school while my husband drove LM. That child kicked and screamed for 10 minutes and even launched one of her shoes at my head. After that she started sobbing about how no one loves her and thinks she’s terrible and fussed because she dropped her stuffie. I handed her the plush uterus toy and asked what her favorite body organ was. I kid you not, she did a 180 just like that, completely perked up, and spent 15 minutes talking about the best body organs and their various functions.

Okay, then. At least she was calm. I messaged her teacher to give her a head’s up about how the morning went and let her know I packed some cereal in her bag. Hopefully the perky “yay body organs” attitude will stick with her throughout the day.

9 thoughts on “Zzzzzzzz”

  1. So … your mind works precisely the same way mine does!!! I call it ‘mind bounce’, for one thought invades another and pretty soon my thoughts are nested 16-deep, never to be sorted, and in between there are the songs that appear at random and drive me batty for I cannot remember the name, the artist, nor more than a snippet of the lyrics.

    Body organs, eh? And she’s what … five??? Heck, I don’t know that much about the body organs! A budding internist?

    Hang in … it’ll all get better … in a few years. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  2. One time, my neighbor’s husband was injured and she had to leave her kids. Her sister came. Her sister had absolutely no experience with children, so it was hard times for them all, because the youngest was mildly autistic and auntie wanted him to wear actual shoes to school, not Crocs. And she wanted him to walk on the other side of the street. And every morning that my dear neighbor was gone, 300 of us stood outside to do the pledge while lil Zachary was dragged, hitting and kicking, while he screamed bloody murder and his auntie cried silently. On day two, I tried to talk to her and she told me she did not appreciate my meddling. This woman was hellbent on doing what she thought was right, which was not right for Zachary on any day, but certainly not when he was stressed.
    That’s what this story reminds me of.
    Not that you are doing it wrong, but that STRUGGLE. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for your hard times, E.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oof, the shoe battle isn’t one we’ve ever tried to win. I don’t think she wore anything other than rain boots or Crocs for the better part of two years. Poor kid, I hope his aunt eventually figured it out. I doubt one could do many days of that before waving a white flag! Thank you, we had another doozy today that lasted for the better part of two hours. Trips are fun overall, but that element is always there.

      Liked by 1 person

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