Eff Birth Control

I have three words to say:

Fuck birth control.

Now I have lots more words to say.

My gynecologist put me on birth control to help fix my womanly problems. I told him I wasn’t too sure about that since they can affect your mood. For the most part, my mood has been pretty balanced, and I didn’t want to risk throwing things off. He was insistent about the birth control, though, and said it would probably make my moods even better after I let them get in my system good. I don’t want “even better.” Status quo is fine. He also told me that I needed to give them a fair chance and take them for three months before deciding whether to quit them. I knew right then that no good could come from that. No one ever tells you to give anything a fair chance if it doesn’t start out awful.

Awful was definitely the right word. After two weeks on birth control, I was straight up ready to kill somebody. It has been a long time since I felt that off. I was ragey and depressed, plus I felt like I was starving 24/7. After being a bitch, moping, and talking about how I was going to delete my book, blogs, social media, and not talk to anyone anymore and be a hermit (I know, jesus christ), my husband demanded that I stop taking the birth control. I decided to skip a couple of days and spent the day after Thanksgiving with Aunt Flo and feeling like someone was stabbing my ovaries with a spike. But you know what? That “spike in the ovaries” feeling is far more preferable to the other crap.

I have another ultrasound in a couple of weeks to see if the cysts have changed in size. The birth control was supposed to make them get smaller, or stop them from growing, at least. I’ll try doing the birth control every other day for the sake of seeing if it changes anything from the u/s, but if it’s still too much, then I’ll toss them. No way in hell will I do a full three months, though.


The boy got in a fight with the bully. First big issue he’s had with him this year. Some crap over dodgeball…they were both going after the ball, ran into each other and fell, which led to the bully jerking LM arouind and kicking him while he was on the ground. LM punched him in the face and ran off crying. He said he was trying to stop crying and calm himself down so he could go talk to the teacher when the bully approached him and apologized. He said he accepted it and shook hands.

“I think maybe he’s changing, Mom. He apologized on his own.”

The boy is so naive. How could he think someone who has treated him like shit for four years, who says racist, homophobic, and other demeaning crap to his friends, who was kicking him on the ground three minutes prior, change all of a sudden? With all the trouble that kid has been in this year, he’s probably on the verge of suspension, if not worse, and was trying to prevent that from happening.

Since LM was satisfied with the apology, I told him I wouldn’t call the principal, but I did send a message to his teacher about what happened. I told her that LM felt it was resolved, but that she needed to make a note of what happened. I didn’t get a response back. Sigh.


Things are about the same with the girl. My husband and I keep going over whether we should hold her back or not. The application for her to attend LM’s school is due next month, so we won’t be able to wait until the end of the preschool years to decide. My husband has decided that she’s too smart to stay back a year. He doesn’t think that all of the other issues (speech, motor skills, social skills, etc.) matter as much as her possibly being bored in class at times. He said he’d leave the decision up to me, though.


Over Thanksgiving, I found out that I’m getting a new niece or nephew! My baby brother and his wife are expecting. I was shocked to hear that because they’re both pretty young, but then realized that she will be the same age as I was when I had the boy. I felt grown as hell at 24, but now feel like 24 is practically a baby, haha! They broke the news by giving my dad a Thanksgiving gift, which was a onesie. My dad just looked at it like, “Okay…neat. Hmm. OH WAIT!” and then it clicked. I can’t wait to have a new baby around ❤ LM said he hopes it’s a girl, since they’re usually sweeter, unless they’re like his sister.


8 thoughts on “Eff Birth Control

  1. My kid has had some terrible issues with bc interacting with other meds, seriously to the point of psychosis and hospitalization. And then we had to try and sort things out on our own–we weren’t entirely sure what her doctors had given her as far as MH meds go, or what they thought she needed–currently she’s just working on diet, exercise, and some supplements. I feel for you. Also, having wished I punched some people in the face when I was much younger, I feel for your son. And, with a kid who had some issues with speech and social things, and as people who were young parents…I guess I’m getting the feels all around. Hang in there.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I was reading that birth control can make some of the meds less effective, so that might explain part of it. Getting the right balance of medications is so tough…I don’t think some docs realize how hard that is when they see no possible drawbacks whatsoever with adding in something that will affect hormones.

      He said punching him felt good. After all those years, I’m sure it did. I’m glad he stood up for himself!


  2. I spent decades talking to various gp doctors, gynecologists, shrinks of various ilks, etc. asking about the possibility that wonky hormones also played a part in my chronic depression. No one thought that was a connection. They were wrong. Of course no one bothered to wonder about my descriptions of really BAD periods that were very irregularly spaced, either. So, fuck that too.

    My mother couldn’t “do” birth control pills, but when she took them they were formulated at nuclear strength. In high school I was put on birth control to try to regulate my wonky cycles. (I still laugh at the thrilled-ness (yay! new word!) on my parents’ faces when they were told their teenaged daughter needed bc!) But they messed me up, too, so I stopped. Other formulations of pills tried over the years worked differently. Some weren’t too bad.

    Of course when I read your title my first thought was, “BC failed and she’s pregnant!”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ha, that would be a miracle since my husband had a vasectomy. (I’ve got baby fever, so I wouldn’t be upset 😀 )

      It’s like, if you know that your patient has been diagnosed with bipolar and has issues with depression, maybe listen to her and figure out something that won’t affect her current state. Now that you mention other formulations, I don’t remember the mini pill being as bad, so I could float doing that one.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Vasectomies are awesome, because yes, birth control can fuck right off.
    I was one of those girls on the pill at 15 because heavy and irregular and wonky af. Then I ended up having the sex so that was nice later, but marriage was sweet relief. Many of the pills gave me migraines, one made me ravenous and pudgy with cruelly constantly sore breasts, and the one that worked the best? I threw up every Monday morning after Sunday Start. Spent one Monday a month nauseated until the hurl and that was the best one.
    I’ve always been moody, so I can’t gauge that.
    I hope you get your cysts shrunk and your mood improved.

    LM is innocent, which is precious, because love his heart, he knows he would want to become a better version of himself if he hurt people the way Bully has. Gah, that bully.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Damn, I have only taken the pill a year or so between BG and the vasectomy (had an IUD after LM), and the minipill didn’t have much in the way of side effects, but the gyn didn’t want to do that one. OF COURSE.

      ❤ I love how he can look for the best in people, although I wonder at what point he’s going to get it with this kid

      Liked by 1 person

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