I really hate to complain about my husband and son, but I’m going to anyway.
ADHD is gonna be the death of me.
My husband and son both have it and life is like this:
Food wrappers —-> floor
Clothes —-> floor
Chores are left undone
Spill in the floor? Leave it there
Nothing is done in a timely manner
No one knows where anything is
Keys are lost, work IDs are lost, school papers are lost and WHY DOESN’T MOM/WIFE KNOW WHERE IT IS
“Insert whatever lie here” —> I said the wrong thing, sorry
Every time I say something or remind them, it’s, “Sorry…can’t help it.”
Look, I get the struggle. As someone with anxiety who is also prone to episodes of depression, I have days where the bare minimum gets done. My husband has always been good about picking up my slack with the kids and stuff when needed, too. So I know I have no right to complain about him.
But Jesus H. Christ.
I feel like I’m taking care of four toddlers. Yes, four, because the messes my husband and Little Man make are equivalent to that of at least three toddlers, plus there is Baby Girl. I literally cannot get anything done unless they leave the house for the day, because I’m constantly interrupted and then when I do get one thing cleaned or all of the laundry folded, I walk back through the kitchen and it looks like a tornado went through just to eat some cereal and get juice. I’ve got my job (writing) plus writing projects, and I’m one of those people who really struggles to function in chaos.
Sometimes my husband tells me that I just need to be bitchier and hold them more accountable. Sigh.
I give reminders. I set specific places for them to put things. I set up an app on the devices (30/30) that gives you each task and a timer, so there is no question to what the routine is. I leave notes/post-its. I even made a laminated keychain for Little Man’s backpack reminding him what needs to be done before he leaves his classroom every day. (Do you have all papers? Have you turned in everything? Do you have your books? Do you have your lunchbox, jacket, and glasses?) You can guess how well that has gone over.
I preach being pro-active. I have to be pro-active to manage my own illness, so I know that not doing that is either going to create a bad situation or make a bad situation worse. I preach personal responsibility and being accountable for your actions/behavior. All to no avail.
So I don’t know what to do, but it’s driving me nuts and making my anxiety/irritability skyrocket. And I don’t know how much they can help it — is it all ADHD or is some of it laziness/carelessness? Can I even suggest laziness/carelessness or does that make me an uncompassionate asshole? It’s getting worse by the day it feels like with both of them. LM’s impulsiveness even created a situation where he accidentally did something that would likely have gotten any other student suspended last week.
I don’t know what LM is going to do when he gets in middle school if things don’t improve. He’ll just be one of a hundred students for each of his teachers; he’ll have his 504 Plan, but still, they aren’t going to let him get by with losing stuff and not having his materials or homework all of the time.
Tomorrow we see the behavioralist NP who has been working with him. We’ve tried three or four meds so far, and those have not helped. Maybe she’ll have some ideas for what to do now.