Don’t Be Hating On My Elf

I know lots and lots of people loathe the Elf on the Shelf. Partly because he looks creepy, partly because they don’t like the idea of bullshitting your kids with a stalker (or maybe an assassin) sent on Santa’s behalf to watch every little thing they do. Also partly because it does involve some effort, and some of us parents don’t have time for more effort on top of the shitty effort we’re already making.


We do Elf on the Shelf in our house. It’s one of our traditions now, since my stepmom bought it for us. We half considered getting a girl elf for Norah, but those things cost too much. “It’s only $35, is that the price you want to say is too much to ensure years of holiday fun for your kids?” Yep. Unless Sam caves with Baby Girl, Rufus is flying solo again this year.

Last year was the most successful Elf on the Shelf year, as we were able to convince Little Man 35 times that Santa was skipping his house for being naughty. No, I’m kidding — we don’t do the Elf thing that way. No lists, no reports, etc., but he does sometimes leave notes, small gifts, candy. Little Man loves it and has a blast with it, and I’m sure Baby Girl will too, since she’s getting into that stuff more now. Really though, last year was the most successful year because I moved the elf more times than I didn’t move him. That’s improvement, especially considering that he sat on a shelf where we hang up our keys for about 9 days one year. We had to convince Little Man that no, Rufus wasn’t dead, but that he just really liked that spot.

Now that all that info is out of the way, I’d like to announce that our elf, Rufus, has returned.

We have two versions of how Rufus returned– a kid friendly version and a not kid friendly version. Let me know which one you preferred.


For the kids (their names were blurred out.)


Not for the kids.

Here’s where y’all come in. If you’ve got any funny ideas for Elf on the Shelf, I want them. We’ve got a list for adult fun and kid fun, but I’m sure y’all could come up with an interesting idea or three. Whoever submits the best thing will lots of Internet points that can be redeemed for pretty much nothing, but it’s the thought that counts.

Let the hatin’ begin.


37 thoughts on “Don’t Be Hating On My Elf

  1. Last year, I had to move the Elf one night my wife was out late. I put him in my daughters bathroom behind the toilet with a note that said “Want to make sure you’re eating enough fiber and vegetables.” My wife wasn’t amused and I lost my ability to move the Elf, mission accomplished, LOL

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I thought the whole thing was silly until last year when my granddaughter bought an elf and we started a new tradition … now I love it! I’ll send you some fun ideas later, when I dig up last year’s pics! Have fun with it!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I cannot do the elf. Santa is stalker enough (he sees you when you’re sleeping, you know). But I do secretly envy the activity of finding creative shit to do with it. I saw a funny pic on Facebook with the elf frozen in a block of ice placed next to an Elsa doll. That’s hilarious!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I do not have children, but my wife and I probably wouldn’t do Elf. Mainly because she wants to do Santa, which I will only do if we also do Krampus, and thus we will do nothing with our hypothetical and non-existent children.

    That said, do something with shoes, such as him hiding in there or almost passed out from the stench – something like that.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Basically the elf is supposed to be one of Santa’s magical helpers from the North Pole that comes out at the beginning of Dec. A lot of people tell kids that the elf is keeping tabs on their behavior (we don’t get into that aspect). And he’s supposed to be moved every day and the kids have fun looking for him or seeing what he’s gotten into.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Even though Baby D is too little to know what’s going on, we got one this year, too. πŸ˜„His name is Henry. And my boy loves looking for him every morning. He came a few days after Thanksgiving and so far we’ve only forgotten to move him once!

    Liked by 1 person

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