No, I haven’t been boozing in front of my kids, no matter how much they might make me want to sometimes (it would be fun to see how well my knock-off Yeti tumbler does, though). These two boozy comments my kids said are a lot more innocent than the title would have you believe.
The first is a blast from the past (hey, #ThrowbackThursday!). It popped up on my Facebook memories yesterday, which I shared, as a few of y’all have already seen —
The other also comes from earlier this week — from Baby Girl.
When I made chicken parm and spaghetti this week, I knew the odds of BG eating it were about as good as me winning the lottery without buying a ticket. She’s the pickiest kid I’ve ever met and makes even me not look so bad (although maybe I shouldn’t be comparing myself to a toddler). But I was tired and was damned if I was going to fix a separate meal for her. She got a plate of spaghetti, fruit, and Goldfish (don’t judge, they’re the whole wheat kind).
So, we sat down and she instantly refused the spaghetti. “No…uh-uh…Mommy eat this…I get down!” Now I know that I can’t force her to eat it. And I didn’t used to have to try, as she liked spaghetti (and mac and cheese) when she first started non-pureed solids — until she gagged and puked (on both). But I put it in front of her anyway, hoping that she’d come around.
We gently coaxed. “Mmm, Big Girl, look, it’s sketti! Bubba is eating his spaghetti like a big boy! Daddy is eating his spaghetti like a big boy. Yummy!” She responded by holding the spoon several inches from her face, pretending to take a bite, and saying, “Nummy, nummy!”
After several failed attempts, I gave up. She could eat what she wanted from what was in front of her and have her bedtime snack of yogurt and more fruit later. We went about eating and talking about the day when Baby Girl made a request.
“I want beer! Mommy, I want beer!”
“You want what?”
“Beer, Mommy. I want beer!”
I gave my husband a confused look. When he does have a beer, he typically doesn’t have it until the kids are in bed, so who the heck has she heard talking about beer?”
“Mommy, beers! Beers!”
Do you know what she’s talking about? Five million blog karma if you can guess it on your own!
Finally it kicked in for Sam. “Oh, bears. She wants bears. She’s talking about the Teddy Bear Grahams.” Whew! Despite how she acts, I didn’t have a legit Frank the Tank toddler!
In case you’re wondering, I did try bribing her with those Teddy Bears, despite all the “How To Get Your Picky As Fuck Toddler To Eat All The Foods” parenting books telling me not to. Guess what? It didn’t work.
Got any good booze stories? They can be totally innocent. Or not. Entertain me. 😉
Today kicks off the Taboo Word Challenge created by Eric, author of the All In A Dad’s Work blog. Click the link for details and to participate!