The Struggle Is Real

Today’s WordPress Daily Prompt is Struggle, so I’m going to vent a little about my mental health struggles.

I mentioned in another post that anxiety has been a bitch lately. That’s still the case. I can be doing something as simple as cooking (and normal cooking, not burn-the-house-down-with-a-grease-fire cooking) and the sirens start going off. While having anxiety is a normal thing for me, it’s still crazy how quickly I can go from being good or at least okay to wigging out in the blink of an eye. Over nothing.

Have you ever gone out on a float in the ocean and realized that you were too far from the shore before? You know that feeling of panic that completely washes over you and stilts your breathing and makes you feel like there’s a heavy weight on your chest, you’re done for and all? It goes something like that, but again, over nothing, which adds so much frustration to a sucky situation. (In case you’re wondering, no, I never got lost at sea, but before I was Anxious Mom, I was Anxious Little Girl.)

The psychiatrist I see prescribed two additional medications to take for anxiety regularly — one for during the day and one at night — but neither has helped. The nighttime one makes me not function the next day, and the kids require me to be functional, so that one’s off the table. The daytime one also makes me drowsy during the day (but not completely nonfunctional at least), but I haven’t noticed much of a difference with it, either.

The therapist and I have been trying to get to the bottom of this anxiety that seems to have no reason, but no luck there, either. After pushing me a lot last week on a topic I’ve been mostly avoiding for the past year, the only thing that did was trigger some depression to go on top of my anxiety sundae. Otherwise, I’d been doing pretty good mood-wise since restarting one of my meds. I considered asking for a session this week, but decided against it out of fear it’d just make things worse. Better to give it a chance to slack off before we pick up that conversation again than to get into it and make things go from bad to worse.

So, yeah, the struggle is real.


Well, maybe not quite that real.

On a brighter note, we go on vacation in less than two weeks, so hopefully getting to kick back by the ocean (even if the kicking back is just for a few minutes at a time, because kids) and seeing one of my good friends will do a lot to boost my mood and help me chill a little. And if not, I see the psychiatrist when I get back.

(We’re at the end now, so do I need to post a comment saying “Yo, reader who says ‘there are worse things happening, get over yourself, blah blah blah,’ don’t even bother because you’ll go straight to the trash bin again”? Oh wait, got it covered now. I hate that I have to include these little parenthetical chunks of text at the end of my posts sometimes to explain that I’m not tolerating certain shit, that I have a sarcastic and self-deprecating sense of humor, so don’t go all nuts over a joke, that….maybe I’ll just shut up now.)


23 thoughts on “The Struggle Is Real

  1. Drinks all around. I can’t say my anxiety is like that, but I feel like I’m being choked when it makes its appearance.
    Good luck with therapy. I’m sure you guys will get to the bottom of things.
    Enjoy your vacation. Lord knows you need it!
    Meds… Pains in the ass but a necessary evil.
    I got the joke!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I hate the “finding the right meds” thing. I know people who go fine with their meds and then suddenly they stop working and they have to start the progress again. I hope I never have to face that. I hope you find the right anti-anxiety soon. I know it sucks

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, it sucks so hard. I’ve been relatively lucky, since mine seem to do pretty good at keeping depression and hypomania mostly in check, but anxiety, yeesh. I have a friend who has been trying different meds since she was a teenager and she still hasn’t found a combination that works for her.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Gawd I hate it when people try to arouse gratitude in others. It’s one thing for the individual to recognize there are worse things, it’s completely different when another points it out.
    I’m so sorry your struggle is real right now. I just got over a huge hump and I am feeling better. I hope your lil trip gets you some chillaxin, at least enough to take the edge off. Sometimes those breaks are the real sanity savers. Distraction is good 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, so annoying. And nothing like trying to make someone who already feels bad feel worse!

      I’m glad you are feeling better now!

      If nothing, a few rum drinks will help momentarily 😉


  4. I never knew there was a WordPress daily prompt, that’s cool. And I can so related to anxiety for no reason. Like the day is going fine and good and then out of nowhere I feel panicked about absolutely nothing. Stinks doesn’t it.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m sorry you’re struggling. I can relate to anxiety being a real problem and how some people don’t seem to understand that. I can also relate to the feeling you described and think your ocean analogy is a great one. I’m sorry you have to deal with comments about ‘things being worse’.. If things are difficult for you, that’s what matters and people should try to understand that! Thanks for sharing this post.


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