F isn’t for FWB

“What can I do for F?” I asked Sam last night while we watched TV.

“How about FWB?” Sam suggested. “That could be funny.”

I laughed and shook my head. “I’m not going to write a post making fun of Christians.”

“How is that making fun of Christians?”

I gave him a look, thinking that it was obvious that if I wrote a funny post about FWB, that there’s no way it wouldn’t be construed as making fun of someone.

“Wait, what do you think FWB means?” Sam asked.

“Freewill Baptist.”

Sam laughed. “No! I meant Friends With Benefits.”

Sigh. As many text acronyms as I’ve looked at over the past several days, and that’s my first thought. Can you tell I live in the Bible Belt?

So, F isn’t for Freewill Baptist or Friends With Benefits in this post. Instead, it’s going to be for FLUID.

Screen Shot 2016-04-07 at 1.49.19 PM

One of my pet peeves is people asking me shit that they could easily look up themselves.

“What’s the weather going to be like next week?” 

“Can you find out how much the new iPhone will cost?”

“Will you look up now to delete an app from my tablet?” 

“Can you find out how long kidney stones last?” 

Sorry, but if you can text or email me those words, you can find out yourself just as quickly. Not that I’ll say that, instead I’ll just be annoyed and think it. 

One nifty tool I’ve always wanted to use but didn’t because it’d come off as being rather assholeish is LMGTFY (Let Me Google That For You). You take whatever it is someone is asking you (typically someone who has access to Google, same as you), enter it in the LMGTFY search box, and give the link to the asker.

For example, let’s say that someone texted you and asked you which STD is the best (clearly you need better friends). A) You don’t care; B) You don’t get why this friend couldn’t use their nifty keyboard and wireless connect to look this up himself, so you respond with this, if you don’t mind being a smartass.

Alternative meaning: The word can mean “easy to understand” in slang.

Textspeak I passed up: FAY (fuck all y’all), FCOL (for crying out loud), FOS (full of shit), FWIW (for what it’s worth), and FTLOG (for the love of god).


48 thoughts on “F isn’t for FWB

  1. N. says:

    Ok I didn’t know what FWB meant either till I read this post 😁 there is just too much textspeak out there these days for everyone to know what everything means. Only teens have that kind of free time (or the inclination) πŸ˜‚

    Liked by 1 person

  2. OMFG I hate that, too! You wouldn’t believe the shit people ask me to explain to them, or link them to! I’m over here screamin at my laptop all, “NEWSFLASH! THE DEVICE YOU ARE READING THIS ON ALSO HAS THE CAPACITY TO SEARCH ANY WORD EVERRR!” but I just ignore them or type things like, “It would be easier for you to Google than for me to explain.” ICE. FFS. FTLOG.
    I’ve never heard of FWB being Freewill Baptist, but I do have a friend who in crisis asks herself WWJD and that’s What Would Joey Do, so I’m pretty stoked about that.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. aintnobodygottimeblog says:

    Free will baptist?! 😳 LMAO!!! πŸ˜‚πŸ™ˆ that’s too damn funny!! Totally wouldn’t have crossed my mind even as Bible Belt located I am too lol! That’s awesome though how funny things can be misinterpreted.
    Like imagine on a Church website a question leading a series, “So you’re considering FWB as an option for your spiritual journey?” Bwahahahaha!!! Double meaning geez this series is awesome. I’m learning shit too!! lol

    Liked by 1 person

  4. OMG! Text speak! LOL! IMNSHO, FLUID is the best response for google ticks…though I will say I do that to my wife from time to time…but I try and preface it with “do you know off the top of your head?” (OTTOYH)

    Your mind went straight to F.W.B and not to FWB…maybe I spent too much of my single life reading craigslist dating posts…seriously, you should, it’s hilarious:

    ” SWM looking for FWB. Must be BBW, BWW or a FBF/CWD with ability to LOL. I’m living at home, so must have their own place. Can I bring my cat to watch? “

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh you must have been at our house, where certain people can’t seem to figure how to look up the meaning of words. One doesn’t even have to type it into the phone, they could just Google Talk the whole thing


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