“What can I do for F?” I asked Sam last night while we watched TV.
“How about FWB?” Sam suggested. “That could be funny.”
I laughed and shook my head. “I’m not going to write a post making fun of Christians.”
“How is that making fun of Christians?”
I gave him a look, thinking that it was obvious that if I wrote a funny post about FWB, that there’s no way it wouldn’t be construed as making fun of someone.
“Wait, what do you think FWB means?” Sam asked.
Sam laughed. “No! I meant Friends With Benefits.”
Sigh. As many text acronyms as I’ve looked at over the past several days, and that’s my first thought. Can you tell I live in the Bible Belt?
So, F isn’t for Freewill Baptist or Friends With Benefits in this post. Instead, it’s going to be for FLUID.
One of my pet peeves is people asking me shit that they could easily look up themselves.
“What’s the weather going to be like next week?”
“Can you find out how much the new iPhone will cost?”
“Will you look up now to delete an app from my tablet?”
“Can you find out how long kidney stones last?”
Sorry, but if you can text or email me those words, you can find out yourself just as quickly. Not that I’ll say that, instead I’ll just be annoyed and think it.
One nifty tool I’ve always wanted to use but didn’t because it’d come off as being rather assholeish is LMGTFY (Let Me Google That For You). You take whatever it is someone is asking you (typically someone who has access to Google, same as you), enter it in the LMGTFY search box, and give the link to the asker.
For example, let’s say that someone texted you and asked you which STD is the best (clearly you need better friends). A) You don’t care; B) You don’t get why this friend couldn’t use their nifty keyboard and wireless connect to look this up himself, so you respond with this, if you don’t mind being a smartass.
Alternative meaning: The word can mean “easy to understand” in slang.
Textspeak I passed up: FAY (fuck all y’all), FCOL (for crying out loud), FOS (full of shit), FWIW (for what it’s worth), and FTLOG (for the love of god).