Life Fail: Parking

There are certain things in life that I’m not very good at. We’ve already established that baking bread falls under my Life Fail category. Navigation skills are under there. Applying makeup is most definitely there. Walking without injury is high on the list.

And then there is parking. Fucking parking.

This was the one thing that almost kept me from being able to get my driver’s license. I did pass on my first attempt, but the person who tested me said that I did so poorly on parallel parking that she was tempted to fail me. “But, you won’t be parallel parking much anyway, so just keep practicing.” I was rather curious about her scoring, if something like parking could truly overshadow an otherwise almost perfect test, but I know when to keep my trap shut. Sometimes, anyway.

I did practice parallel parking, as promised. Many, many times. I still attempt to parallel park. But after trying to either back up into the spot or get close enough to the curb a dozen times, I’ll give up and decide I probably didn’t really need to go wherever it was I was going anyway.

That’s one kind of parking I suck at. But that’s not all, of course! Then there’s the regular parking in a mostly empty parking lot that I manage to mess up: Much to my husband’s amusement (and sometimes embarrassment), my parking screw ups happen a few times per month — I’ll pull into a lot with plenty of space, park, think I did just fine, get out, then look back at my car as I lock it and notice that I messed up. Being over the line is one thing, but getting into four spaces? Hell.

I usually get back in and fix it (so as not to be a dick), but I didn’t that time because I was running in and out and the lot was pretty empty. But you know that man coming out as I was going in must have thought, “Who does this bitch think she is? It’s not a damn Porche!”

No fancy bitch delusions here. Just a sucky parker who has terrible depth perception.

While I was writing this, I decided to look for a GIF to go with this post and happened upon so many awful parking GIFs. In fact, they make me feel rather superior about my own abilities. I’ll probably stay that way until I pull into four spaces again.

Here are a few for your viewing pleasure (or horror):

giphy (23)



Do you suck at parking as badly as I do? No? Well, I’m sure there’s something. 😉


51 thoughts on “Life Fail: Parking

  1. aintnobodygottimeblog says:

    I have surely missed out! You have made me cackle laughing 2x today!! 😂 We have established you and I on a road trip in charge of navigating would be a scary prospect! Would make one hell of a story though! Lol
    You know my life fails…too many to mention- but one we know…technology 😳🙈 I don’t know if it’s because I’m lazy about things I don’t want to do and/or because it just simply doesn’t click (pun totally intended as well) lol 😉😄

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I can’t back up straight. If hubby tells me to back up, I get out of the car and make him do it. LOL I never parallel park either. If I have to do that, hubby drives. We had a big dodge truck not too long ago, and I couldn’t park that for nothing. I would go where there were no cars and still get in the spot all crooked. You are not alone my friend, not alone! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow. No I don’t. I’m only bad at parking if you compare me to my husband, who can like, drive and park anything, including a freakin military semi. That’ll give you a complex, lemme tell ya. I would rather park my car than the minivan, that’s fersure!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I reckon we need to start the “Can’t Park For Peanuts Club”. It looks like we’d all be having a hoot and our partners can create their own support group for “Living with Someone Who Can’t Park For Peanuts”. When I first got my licence and went to the local shops and tried to park the car (a Volvo…how appropriate!!), I had to ask someone to help me park it. Anybody else, would have been embarrassed but I was just thankful.
    By the way, after our previous chat about kids health, I took my daughter back to the pediatrician this week. She’d stayed with my parents for a few weeks and Dad had taken her to the optometrist for sore eyes and photographed the birthmark on her leg and emailed it to his brother who is a plastic surgeon…should it come off? Meanwhile she tell me she has joint pain and I look up Juvenile Arthritis on Google, which mentions eye problems…and then blindness!
    What is most likely growing pains and dry eye from using electronics, has now morphed into a huge threatening monster. At least, she had no joint swelling and by the time we’d got to the doctor, I was pretty sure it wasn’t much to worry about. He’s done blood tests and he hasn’t called yet but he doesn’t think anything will show up.
    I can see I definitely belong over at your blog!
    xx Rowena

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hahaha I’m dying, I love that you asked someone to help park your car!

      Oh man, I hope the blood tests turn out fine! It’s so easy to get scared and the internet isn’t much help with one symptom possibly being the worst thing ever according to WebMD! I’ll keep y’all in my thoughts ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I’ve never parallel parked in my life. Was never tested on it, and don’t even try to squeeze into some small space on the street. Me and my Neon kick ass at lot parking, though… even in tight spaces surrounded by shopping carts lazy customers couldn’t bring to the corral…

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I never even attempt parallel parking. I just park further away and walk 🙂
    As for parking in an empty car park – I always get (just) between the lines, but I also always pull round too far so I end up at an angle. I can park straight between two parked cars because I can use them to get the correct line.

    I think about the only time I successfully parallel parked was on my test. If you’re going to get it right once in your life, that’s the time!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Alex Hurst says:

    I’m usually okay with the parking, unless it’s underground parking. The darn poles are my greatest enemy. I can do parallel parking….. but oh my god! That last GIF made me weep for the poor person driving. 😛 So close to being able to drive away with your dignity….

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Holly says:

    I have had to learn to parallel park because of where I work; when the students move in and employee lots are closed for them to get to the dorms, you have to learn to street-park pretty quickly.

    Nothing I hate more than people who have to take two tries or more to back out of a space. I know, the opposite of parking, but still a parking lot related gripe.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Note to self: LISTEN CAREFULLY!!!!!!!! STOP READING ANXIOUS MOM’S POSTS AT WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and definitely don’t watch the hilarious videos she posts sigh

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Ugh the parking struggle is real! I have trouble pulling in straight when there are no cars nearby. And though I did well with parallel parking on my test, I never do it. I can never get close to the curb and would hate to hold up traffic.

    True story: last weekend I pulled into a spot and probably spent 2-3 min backing up and pulling forward trying to straighten out. Finally all set, got Baby D in his stroller and a guy calls out to me “ma’am, just so you don’t get in trouble that’s a handicapped spot” FML I appreciated the heads up, but was mortified that he likely witnessed my terrible parking exercise. Luckily there was another spot further down the line and I pulled in and parked like a pro, first try! How embarrassing.

    Liked by 1 person

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