It’s Hard Out Here For An Elf

So, I’ve been doing the Elf on the Shelf thing the entire month of December. Or nine days. In this time, I’ve only forgotten to move Rufus twice. (That’s approximately an 80 percent success rate!) I had to tell my husband to move the elf while in the car rider yesterday, but we’re getting there.

Of course, there was the time I hid him too good and Little Man’s Christmas spirit almost disappeared, but hey, I still moved the little fucker. Not my fault if the kid can’t find him.

My husband has been questioning my elf placing methods, though.

You see, some people do a great job with elf placement. They come up with clever things for the elf to do or place them in places/positions that one’s spouse wouldn’t question.

Not me.

Not Pinterest approved elf placement.

At first glance, it may appear that the elf is being tortured. But that is what my husband  thought. “Oh my god, that looks awful!” he said. The elf is, after all, hanging upside down from a blind cord with his hands bound. But that’s not what’s happening. The Anxious Household isn’t the Guantánamo Bay for terrorist elves. In fact, what’s happening here is that Rufus is delivering a sweet note to Little Man. As for being bound? Like I said, I’m shitty at elf placement.

I’ve been reading StomperDad’s Daily Elf post each day and last night, I decided to copy him. He did one where his elves TP’d the house. Here’s my version where I TP’d a section of the Christmas tree (only a section because a) I don’t want to clean up later and b) I bought GOOD toilet paper this week, not the cheap shit): 

“That doesn’t look right,” Sam told me after I invited him to check out my work. “Why is he stuck in that tube like that? It looks like he’s being tortured!”

Clearly the theme for the elf will be torture. Maybe I’ll connect Rufus to the car battery for my next act.


24 thoughts on “It’s Hard Out Here For An Elf

  1. Our elf is the bane of my existence, especially once all the pinterest ideas and incredibly creative parents started posting all over the place. It used to be just enough to move the dang thing. Now elves are supposed to create messes, get into battles with plushies, etc. When we forgot to move the elf the first time a few years back, we told the kids it was because their behavior wasn’t stellar that day and Scoutie didn’t want to have to tell Santa that night, so he was giving them another chance. I still suck at the whole process!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Just Plain Ol' Vic says:

    Last year my daughter freaked out when our Elf made an appearance in the kids bathroom. She used our bathroom that whole day and night until the Elf had moved the next morning. LOL.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Thanks for the shout out! I didn’t get the ping-back. F’ing WP. It’s okay to hang the elf, just not by the neck 😉 Or hog tied. That would be funny, too. with a piece of duct tape over mouth, or perhaps a bag over his head. Okay… maybe I’m a little twisted, too. Cheers!

    Liked by 2 people

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