On The Warpath

My post was (obviously) going to be about how I’m on the warpath today.

I opened up my blog, checked a couple things, then clicked the nifty +(pencil) button to start a new post. That post was going to be all about how I’ve been in a foul, bitchy mood today.

And then I saw this.

More updates.

More changes.

Everything moved around.

391383_the-office-angry-television-mad-steve-carell.gif

That’s all I have to say for you, WP.

Now I’ll get back to the reason I logged on in the first place. People in my household have been pissing me off this week. We are not very far into the week, either.

Sam and Little Man. I love them to death (which is necessary to say before ever bitching about your loved ones), but fuck…those are the two slobbiest human beings on the face of this earth. If not the earth, then at least on my street. As you can guess, the little one gets it from the big one.

“If you eat something, put the dish in the sink.”
“If you pour a drink, put the container back.”
“If you take off your clothes, put them in the hamper.”
“Don’t throw clean clothes that you decided not to wear in the floor; put them away.”
“If you spill something, wipe it up.”

You get the picture. You know how it is. You feel my pain. Unless you’re the one causing your spouse/parent undue frustration…in which case, STOP.

Sam keeps telling me that if I want him to clean his messes, that I should just tell him and then if he doesn’t do it, bitch at him until it’s done. No, just don’t be a total slob and cut out the need for my blood pressure to go up and get all pissy, ‘kay? And did you miss the words “mood disorder”? So why would you want to go there, anyway?

Today, after Sam threw a pile of clean shirts in the floor and didn’t pick them up or act like he gave a crap when I got pissed, I decided to take things a step further–I bagged his shit up. Everything in our room that he had carelessly strewn about that should have been hung up, in a drawer, in the hamper, or in the shoes closet, was put in a kitchen bag. And it filled the whole damn thing. I didn’t really plan to throw it out, but it made me feel better.

While I was in the kitchen cooking supper tonight, Sam popped in.

“Um, what’s with the bag full of my clothes?”

“That’s the Goodwill bag,” I answered.

“But I wear those.”

“Those were strewn all over, so I assumed you didn’t want or need them anymore.”

He got it.

“They weren’t all mine. I saw a pair of Baby Girl’s pajama bottoms in there,” he said defensively.

I gave him The Look of Death.

“But I’m sorry, I should have put them away. I’ll do that now.”

“Next time the bag gets donated,” I told him. I won’t up and take his clothes (especially ones that might be dirty) to Goodwill, but I’ll sure as hell hide the bag from him until he doesn’t have anything in his drawers to wear. And it’ll be colder soon, too. Boom, see how you like wearing a sleeveless shirt and athletic shorts to the dentist. As long as we aren’t together, in which case maybe something with sleeves and a pair of jeans will make it into drawers.

(And again, I feel obligated to say that I love my husband, he does many wonderful things, blah blah blah, so no one tells me I hate my spouse or that the marriage is doomed.) 

What does your spouse/partner do to drive you crazy?

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30 thoughts on “On The Warpath

  1. Story of my life. Seriously. I have no clue how among three children I KNOW came from me and not a one of them anything close to a neat freak. And Spouse just laughs about it. The worst is when I’ve been at the studio all night with the Princess – fixing dinner before I leave, mind you – and get home to find the kitchen completely trashed, said dinner still sitting on the counter. AAAAHHHHH!!!!!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Um, my spouse is tidy. If he wasn’t, he would not be my spouse, lol, because I cannot abide a mess. He’s not as tidy in the car, but he thinks he is, so shh.
    MY CHILDREN ARE MESSY AF! My gawd, the things they do. This morning, I cleaned up an applesauce lid, a yogurt lid, a peanut butter knife and 40000 breadcrumbs. This afternoon, I invited Sassy to the bathroom to ask her if she’s the one who left out the straightener, the hairspray, the Chi, the brush, the comb, the hairband…and the cabinets all open. I have to tell Moo every gd day, “Hang up your coat and bag,” like a freakin mantra, man. She started preschool at 3, she should know by now, but she doesn’t. This evening, it was boots and clothes, stripped alongside the tub — and then the two of them manages to use five glasses so they’re in the kitchen washing them right now. They do get tidier as they get older, they really do. Or at least, mine have. Bubba and Moo have been the worst, by far.
    I’ve had many roommates in my life, and I’ve never lived with an adult, even men, who were as gross as my kids. Maybe some of them called me a neatfreak, but before I had kids I never needed a putty knife to clean weird shit off my floor.
    Thank you for the opportunity to vent 🙂
    I love all of my children, even the messiest ones! Heh.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Once I stopped picking up after my preteen daughters for as long as it took for them to ‘get it’. Less than 2 days and my eldest was cleaning the kitchen. My husband was deployed at the time. I sat them down and asked if they’d noticed anything different. Big eyes, heads nodding slowly. I asked if they knew what was going on. The eldest said, “You’re depressed?” I almost shit myself laughing. “No, just wanted you to know what it’s like to live with YOU.” They (pretty much) got the message. But the youngest daughter is out on her own now, and she’s the biggest slob I’ve ever seen. I have no clue where she got that because even her dad isn’t that bad!

      Liked by 2 people

  3. _Marielli says:

    Omg good shit I’d do the same my husband doesn’t put a new paper toilet roll ever omg I wanna kill him and he leaves his damn socks rolled up in a ball all over the place and his boxers and shorts and then when he’s looking for his clothes even if there clean I throw them in the hamper until he don’t have shit to wear it’s ridiculous they think we’re robots!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. lolabipola says:

    sigh I feel your pain. FMA (fuck my arse). And the BEST bit, is that my husband truly believes that he is the neatest one in the house… Believe me when I tell you that he is completely fucking delusional. He NEVER puts stuff away – there has been a rubber mallet lying outside our front door for about a month now… I guarantee you, it was not I who used that – but it may not be long before I’m forced to use it, and not for its intended purpose either!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. An award-winning tactic 🙂

    I live on my own, but sometimes I annoy myself by not picking up after myself. Maybe I’ll bag up all my stuff and have a stern word with myself when I get home. That’ll teach me.

    Liked by 4 people

  6. I once heard about a woman who took everything out of her son’s room except what was absolutely necessary (bed, some clothes, lamp). He came home from school and was like WTF? She told him he had to earn it all back because everything besides the basics (I will feed you, clothe you, and put a roof over your head) was privilege. He got it and earned everything back in about 3 weeks. Worked like a charm. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Once, on one of the many wild and windy days we get here on the West coast of Scotland, my Dad was getting pissy about me using the clothes drier. So I took all of his out and put them in the bath, turned the tap on them and told him to figure out how to dry them 😱. I feel your pain!

    Like

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