Best of the Comments: Gazelles, Tit Punching, and Baby Olympics

Recently John of Get Off My Lawn gave me the idea to do a Best of the Comments Section post. I thought that would make for a great post and decided to tackle it today.

And then I opened up my comments in the WordPress Admin and saw that I have over 8,000 comments. I quickly realized that it would be tough to do the post since I’m too lazy to go through so many comments. Two seconds per comment would come down to and hour just looking through a quarter of the comments. And then I’d have to pick the crème de la crème.

Too much effort. (By now you should know I’m effort resistant.)

But I still wanted to do a post kinda like that. I thought over it for a minute and realized that as many times as John has made me laugh with his comments that I could do a Best Of post just on his stuff. Not only that, I can also later single out another person who regularly comments on this blog and do a Best Of post for them. It can be a thing. For a few posts.

So, without further ado, here are John’s funniest comments on this blog. I’ll link to the post the comment was made on in case you want to see the context in which it was written. Hopefully he doesn’t mind being singled out.

From the Halloween party post where the worst part of hearing loss is not listening to Nelly:

You don’t listen to Nelly!? You are a fucking monster and should have your kids taken away. Also, I read “penis” for the word sword in your post and it gave me some startling images.

From my school fun run post in which I think LM will be expected to run almost 10 miles:

I said to my wife those little American fuckers must be half gazelle if they can run that far.

From my post about disliking dogs:

I have mad respect for any man or beast that can lick his own nuts. Every day must be a party.

From a post about liking Gamecocks football (and boy do they suck this year):

There sure is a lot of cock on this site today.

From a post about my kids making me want to cry:

Just take BG into the classroom, take off her muzzle, and have her bite all those bags of hormones. She’ll be biting for Jesus!

From a post about falling with Baby Girl:

“Falling with a baby in your arms” would absolutely be my favourite Olympic sport. Of course, I would have the baby wear a helmet, I’m not an animal.

From a post about my petunia blossom:

That level of interest in your sex life from a grandmother could turn someone into a serial killer. Hahaha. Funny post.

From the post about my dad hoping I had a tumor:

Tell your dad not to lose hope. Maybe you’ll contract that flesh eating disease and that will give him some solace.

From a post about my sister and her bullshit:

Your sister sounds delightful. You should reach out to her more. And by reach out I mean punch her in the tit.

Did you laugh as much as I did? If not, well…the things I have to say aren’t nice. 😉

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