Things Kids Say Thursday: Mommy Wants Me To Stab Myself

Last Friday night, I was trying to brush Baby Girl’s teeth to get her ready for bed. I had just finished going over Little Man’s teeth, so I asked him to talk to his sister and get her to smile to make the job easier.

“I need my fingernails cut,” he responded.

“In a few minutes,” I told him while trying to hold the squirming toddler. “Help me with your sister, please.”

“My fingernails really need to be cut. You always cut them on Thursdays, but didn’t yesterday.”

“Okay…help me with your sister and I’ll get them later.”

“Nah, I’ve got better things to do,” he said and walked out.

What the actual fuck?

Rather than chase him down and give him an earful then, I did all the things I do to make BG laugh and smile and got her teeth clean (I hope). She’s one of those types who, in addition to giving me trouble with her fingernails, also thinks having her teeth brushed is the worst possible thing in the world and usually pitches a fit over it.

Right as I was finished with her teeth, Little Man appeared. “Are you ready to trim my nails now?”

I was rather pissed at him, so I responded, “Nah, I’ve got better things to do” and walked off, figuring he’d get it and apologize. (Probably not the best approach, I realize after typing it.)

Instead, the waterworks began. “Daddy,” Little Man wailed while going down the hall towards the kitchen where my husband was fixing BG’s nighttime bottle, “Mommy won’t cut my nails.”

Sam gave him a look. “Okay.” He didn’t offer to do it, as he has never, ever trimmed a single fingernail in this house other than his own. (There are other things he’s never done, but I did get him to use our not-so-new vacuum cleaner for the first time last week.)

Someone wouldn’t help his mom when she asked and told her she had better things to do,” I said in a stern voice.

Sam raised his eyebrows at Little Man and gave him a That’s Serious look. Little Man kept sniffling. “MOMMY WANTS ME TO STAB MYSELF TO DEATH IN MY SLEEP!” he wailed.

Oh lord.

Sam covered his mouth to keep from laughing and I just shook my head (but had a good laugh over it later). “Get in the bathroom,” I told him. I trimmed his nails which were just a tiny bit long–certainly not long enough to stab oneself in one’s sleep–and gave him a good talking to about his lack of help and rude response earlier.

That massive exaggeration reminded me of when Little Man was 3 or 4 and got scolded and wailed, “My heart, it’s broken!”

Got funny/cute kid stories? Share below or create your own Things Kids Say Thursday post. 

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27 thoughts on “Things Kids Say Thursday: Mommy Wants Me To Stab Myself

  1. _Marielli says:

    Omg my daughter is the same she hates cutting her nails but she loves brushing her teeth she asks to do it every time she’s done eating. Omg LM is sassy my daughter loves talking back to me and she’s only 2 with mommy I told u to get me my iPad? Excuse you ! Smart mouths.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Funny thing about kids, payback sometimes gets lost in translation…lol!
    The Mister has never trimmed a single nail either. Even when he had only Bubba for 6 months and no woman in the house, he had the babysitter do it! OMG our suffering!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. “Nah, I’ve got better things to do,” It may not have been the best approach, but how satisfying if must have been to say!! And when he’s older, he’ll appreciate a mama who can keep him on his toes!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Chances are good that’s what I would have said! Kudos to you for not giving him an earful for that one. Crash seems to enjoy setting us off lately by complaining how hard his life is when we make him clean something. He hasn’t come out with “I’ve got better things to do” yet. If he values his life he won’t 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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