Slowly, Slowly, Slowly

There was a time when I’d have purchased all of my Christmas presents before the beginning of October.

That time is not now.

In fact, I’ve only purchased a few items for the kids and nothing for anyone else. I haven’t even done up a spreadsheet for a Christmas budget or written down ideas for each friend and family member to buy for. Hell, Little Man is more on top of the Christmas list than I am.

Would it be tacky to just ask non-Santa recipients to send me a few links to things they’d like? And then I can find the knock-off version and we’ll all be semi-happy.

I’m so slack these days compared to the old me. Old me was pretty much the same as new me (so a certain level of crazy was still there), except she was Monica Gellar organized, never late for anything, and always prepared. She was also more fun at parties, amazingly. (Basically an Eeyore that was on top of shit and could throw down.)

I'm slightly less hairy.

I’m slightly less hairy.

I keep trying to think of trade-offs. It’s okay to lose points in one department as long as you make up for them elsewhere. Like if I could add “Became hella good cook,” that would make “Disorganized” and “Can’t remember shit” not so bad.

That’s not the case, though. In fact, that’s so not the case that I fucked up Hamburger Helper last night. Sam said he was gonna make it but I told him I’d make it since it was the one thing I couldn’t mess up. Well, I messed it up. My big measuring cups were in the wash, so I had to use the 1/4 cup. Now I know full well that if the instructions call for 2 cups to do 8, but I temporarily forgot that it was 1/4 cup and treated it as a 1/2 cup.

“Sam, come look at this,” I called a few minutes before the timer was set to go off. “There’s hardly any sauce. It’s a weird color. This doesn’t look right.”

He threw his head back laughing since I’d just said I couldn’t mess it up and then asked if I’d put enough milk and water. I was offended at the suggestion I wouldn’t know how much milk and water to put in until I realized my measuring error.

So, no, I can’t even add better cook to my list. Gah.

Back to Christmas. Just once I want to do a perfect Christmas for the kids, do all the crafts, the fun holiday themed baking, decorations galore, etc. and not get so overwhelmed (this equals anxiety and moody as fuck) and be all mediocre. I thought about the typical things, cooking-thanksgiving-cleaning-birthday-festivities-holiday cards-baking-cleaning-party-baking-crafts-wrapping-family visits and realized I might need klonopin before I start much planning.

The sloth sez one thing at a time and the spreadsheet it is.  I’ll make it a point to start the spreadsheet this week and figure out the money part and get ideas for everyone. Feel free to leave your wishlist below and maybe I’ll buy something off it. It probably won’t be for you (unless you catch me on Amazon in a bout of hypomania), but it might help cross someone off my list.


30 thoughts on “Slowly, Slowly, Slowly

  1. Start with one thing. It makes it easier to get to the next if you’re not looking at the entire list. And being super mom with all the hand-made decorations all over the entire house, the perfect gifts for every single person, capped by the four-course gourmet holiday meal? Over-rated. Focus on the memories you’re creating with them. Hugs….I so feel your pain, but remind myself to just take a deep breath. We have, what, seven weeks until Christmas?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. lolabipola says:

    Gah! I used to be so organised too – not anymore. My house was always clean and tidy – now it looks like a tip. I hate it.

    I have no interest in anything at the moment. I usually love Christmas – couldn’t be bothered now. I put on a happy face to try to make it special for my children, but it quietly kills me inside…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ugh it sucks. I got so upset tonight I told them that anything that was cluttered up was going in a box to storage. I just can’t stand it!

      I feel you, that’s usually how I am the last few years (faking it). I want Christmas cheer this year, with all the trimmings, even if I drive myself crazy getting there.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I just finished my Christmas shopping online, except that I still need to buy tickets to something for which tickets aren’t on sale yet, and I need to browse the stores for stocking stuffers. I’ve even got all my cards and stamps, so I can get started on writing those and maybe wrapping some things.

    (I may have just impulsively spent WAY TOO MUCH shopping online today. Ooops.)

    Liked by 1 person

    • You’re on cards and stocking stuffers?!?! I’m jealous!

      Thank god for online shopping, though. I usually spend a bit more, but it’s better than being among the people. And germs.


      • I got the stocking stuffers yesterday and today. Just a couple more packages to receive from the stuff I ordered. I thought I might start writing the cards today, or maybe take them to work when I’m alone all weekend, in case there’s nothing to do.

        Being this far ahead is a curse – as soon as I allow decorating and the playing of Christmas music (the day after Thanksgiving) I’ll also be bouncing off the walls asking people to open their presents now instead of waiting until Christmas.


  4. A) I love lists. It’s pretty much how I function day to day.
    B) I love the new blog theme/layout/colors! How did I not notice you changed it (did you just change it recently?
    C) We all fuck something up. I poured an entire pot of turkey broth down the drain after telling DW I knew what I was doing. She had the same reaction as Sam.
    D) No worries about Christmas. There’s still 7 more weekends! πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

    • I apparently changed it last night in the time between taking Ambien and laying down. I don’t remember doing this. I do love the colors, too, but I hate not having a menu up top so I’m gonna look around.

      I think we’ve learned our lessons–never tell our spouses “we got this”! That only guarantees failure.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I used to really do it up right for holiday baking. I did. When I was single, I’d bake and play music and have people in and out of my house eating, drinking, picking up cookies for a week. I kept this up for years. And my older two kids LOVED baking and decorating with me. These two are like, “Why are there so many? Again? When can we eat them? Why does Papaw get those?”
    With the two older kids, we made things for teachers and grandparents and wrote cards and wrapped presents and strung popcorn. I made ornaments and played carols and all kindsa stuff they enjoyed.
    Moo kinda likes crafts, but not directed crafts. Moo really likes to make messes πŸ˜‰ Moo will bake, but not for hours and hours. Neither of them like decorating.
    So, um…
    The Christmas mornings they did not get laptops and iPads and horses and pools and 4-wheelers were not any less special than when we bought what they most wanted. Plenty of stuff will be on sale next month. Some of it will be overstocked and reduced on the 23rd, lol!
    Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Enjoy the moments as they come.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hahaha, I’ll trade you Little Man for Moo, then. He adores all that stuff, while I mostly hate it but try to do little things (like putting up a strand of lights and calling it decorating). I’m determined to be more Christmasy this year.

      Too bad I can’t fake and do Christmas on the 27th and get clearance the day after everything πŸ˜‰ LM wants a laptop this year, but it ain’t happening. He got a TV and XBOX for Christmas last year and a tablet two months later for his birthday (I claim temporary insanity) and I regret it.

      Liked by 1 person

      • For the two Christmases The Mister was deployed, it wasn’t going to be a normal holiday. I took the kids shopping on the 26th. That way we got deals, and they got to spend all their gift cards.They loved it.
        I did let them open their new pajamas on Christmas Eve at midnight.
        No one complained.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. My in-laws cannot handle the task of buying novel presents for people but they love having “perfect” holidays, so we’re required to email a wish list every year or else we just get cash. It drives me nuts but after reading this I can empathize more with their reasoning. The spreadsheet is a good start πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sounds like my dad. He could never figure out the right gifts, so he’d go buy out the entire store for everyone (shoot me) or just give cash. I am not good at it either, but usually I come up with something that’s either sorta special or at least needed.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. i feel for you with your hamburger helper. glad you where finally laugh at yourself.

    one time, I scanned a pumpkin pie recipe and used software to convert it to a text file. i blindly accepted results. bad think to do. fractional results got dropped. 1/3 became 3. it wasn’t that critical of ingredient, just butter. yep, instead of a 1/3 cup of butter, i put 3! I created a rip roaring fire in the oven and smoked my wife and dog out of the house, spent 20 minutes cleaning the excess butter out of the bottom of the oven. needless to say, the custard did not set. i make another pie using the fractional measures this time.

    my christmas list is short, just one item. it can’t be found at sears, best buy, target or even amazon. i just my brain back to the way it was before this cycle. so, if you find a loose get out of jail free card, could you please sent it my way.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I used to be a Monica Gellar, too. I miss that perfect me, but I think this me is more real and relaxed. I still feel stressed and want to be Monica again, but finding the energy to do so is impossible. I blame PTSD and finally facing my past and feeling my feelings– all of that takes so much energy, who has energy for anything else? Some weeks my family is lucky they have clean socks to wear. You aren’t alone in feeling like this.

    And, as far as Christmas goes, it will be okay. Your family being together, doing the little traditions you have created (like getting a tree or whatever) is more valuable than being perfect. You and your kids won’t remember that things were not organized or perfect or up to Monica standards, but you all will remember feeling loved, having fun, being together. That is what makes things “perfect”. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

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