We Don’t Hug Our Friends Tightly Around The Neck

When Little Man was in the two-year-old preschool class, there was a little boy named Daniel who was a bit rougher than the other kids. He had hit LM a couple times and we overheard the teacher telling other parents about incidents that had occurred.

One day Sam and I brought cupcakes for a party and stayed until the class ended at 11:30. Before it ended, the kids went on the playground for a while and we saw Daniel in action.

“Daniel! We don’t bump our friends!” the teacher called in the world’s sweetest voice as Daniel tore through the playground and shoved a kid off the steps of the slide.

“Daniel! We speak in a nice voice to our friends!” she called as he screamed in another kid’s face.

“Daniel! We don’t share wood chips–we leave them on the ground,” she told him after he picked up a handful of chips and threw them at someone.

Sam and I raised our eyebrows at each other. That was a lot of “Daniels!” in a short amount of time. I wondered why a time out wasn’t used.

“Daniel!” the teacher called again. Daniel had a child from the three-year-old class in a headlock. “We don’t hug our friends tightly around the neck!”

We both started snickering at the absurdity of the situation. Since when is putting someone in a headlock called a hug?!

The last straw was when Daniel hit another kid. The teacher was clearly pissed at him at this point. “Daniel,” she said through clenched teeth, “we don’t put our hands on each other. You’re going to time out.”

To time out he went, where he crossed his arms and huffed quite loudly.

LM switched preschools at the end of the year (we found this amazing science and arts based preschool), but between the playground and going to the same elementary school as LM (before we switched to the charter school), we still ran into Daniel a lot. Once he got out of that phase, he has been one of the sweetest and most respectful kids I’ve encountered.

After getting so cracked up at how the teacher phrased things, Sam and I started doing the same as a joke between the two of us.

“Baby Girl, we don’t use our teeth to taste people.”

“Little Man, we don’t use our plate as a frisbee.”

“Person arrested for vandalizing someone’s car, we don’t use baseball bats to decorate cars when we’re mad.”

Care to preschool teacherize a news headline for fun?


16 thoughts on “We Don’t Hug Our Friends Tightly Around The Neck

  1. Omagoodness, I know the type! The teacher, not the kid. I’m incapable of saying such things in earnest. The closest I can come, with all seriousness, is saying, “That is specifically not for _____.”
    I don’t like to generalize, but generally, there are a few kids in every year who struggle like Daniel. A lot of them come from homes without kids around, and they get too!!!!! excited!!!! about playing!!! with people their own size!!! lol Later, they (generally again) become the kings and queens of organized sports 😉
    But all that’s general, you know.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. lolabipola says:

    LOL! That’s some funny shit! I just can’t phrase things like that. I think I’m a bit of a black and white kinda girl. When my kids hit each other (or me!) I say, “Excuse me!!! We don’t hit people in this house” – and if they carry on hitting each other then I say, “Can you just stop fucking hitting each other please” – always with the good manners, me 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  3. isn’t it time thursday? kids do the darnest thing thursday.

    i have a sister four years my junior. there are three brothers 4, 5 and 9 years older than me. preschool age we’d all taunted our youngest sister with, ” go ahead. hit me harder that didn’t hurt!” as she wailed on a shoulder as hard as a four year old could.

    one day, while at preschool, a little boy delivered some guff to my little sister. she did as trained and hauled off and punched hard on his shoulder. the little boy ran away crying and my sister stood there, mouth agape. that wasn’t suppose to hurt.

    Liked by 1 person

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