The Wrong Side of the Bed

“You sure woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”

I can hear my grandmother’s words as plain as day. She’d tell me this (when I lived with her from ages 15 to 21) when I’d wake up in a foul mood. Which was often. I’d feel absolutely miserable, like I hated the world and wanted no part of it. Like I wanted to cease to exist. And not understanding these feelings would piss me off greatly on top of it. 

When I felt like this, I’d often go in silent mode to keep from biting off anyone’s head with my words. I could go days without speaking to anyone at school beyond a few mumbled words. I’d isolate myself from my friends (and I use the word “friends” loosely), and in most classes, a quiet student was a good student, so no problem there. 

Care to guess which side of the bed I woke up on this morning? Sam has already asked me half a dozen times what’s wrong and what he can do to help.

My answer: nothing. Because I don’t know. 

It’s so fucking frustrating to suddenly feel empty and angry at the world at the same time for no obvious reason. After days of feeling quite normal and good, at that. 

Maybe it’s just the random bad day everyone is prone to having. Maybe it’s due to being cooped up for a few days. (As introverted as I can be, I hate not leaving the house for more than one day.) Maybe it’s the two weeks of rain having an effect. Maybe it’s the several nights of what seems like constant nightmares screwing with me. Maybe it’s all or none of the above. 

All I know is that the next time I feel inclined to write a post (which is gone now since it seems like such a joke) about having a stretch of good days, I’ll find something else to write about, as it seems every time I do, I jinx the hell out of myself. 

*fingers crossed for a better tomorrow*


22 thoughts on “The Wrong Side of the Bed

    • We didn’t get quite the temperature drop (downright muggy some days!), but ugh, this rain. I can’t remember so much rain for so long before. I think I’ll pop a Vitamin D tablet in the morning and see if I can get a boost.

      Thanks πŸ™‚


  1. Just Plain Ol' Vic says:

    That was a hard lesson for me to learn (and still learning) to not constantly ask “what is wrong” or “how are you feeling” as they may be triggers themselves. I understand that their may not be a reason why my wife feels the way she does – that is just how being bi-polar is.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m chalking this up to just a lone bad day because of weather of whatever (will see if I’m wrong tomorrow.) But I don’t get how bad days like these are typical of bipolar. That’s what everyone says, but of course, the online info usually says there’s no overlap, the moods are clear cut, it’s obvious blah blah blah. It just seems all over the place, from my experience thus far and from others have said.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I hope it’s just one of those days.
    I sometimes catch myself being afraid to say how well I’ve been. Like, I’ve been coasting on good health for months now. knocks wood It’s waiting for the other shoe to drop, you know, but you gotta celebrate that good when it’s around.
    Here’s to a better tomorrow, Miss Grumpy Pants πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Better to write about it….get it out maybe that will give you some relief….and rain can get old really quick and I now what nightmares can do to your mood in the morning…my mom always suggested we go back and get up on the other side of the bed and life would be better….hummm didn’t work….hope tomorrows a better day…..kat

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ha – kind of like when I say I haven’t had a cold all winter, I then get a direct hit from a kid in clinic (coughing, sneezing right in my face) and I am sick in 48 hours. Or the time my son said to me on the way to Whole Foods – I wonder what it is like to be in a car accident – and on our way back with $200 of groceries in the trunk we were smashed into by a girl who had just got her license the week before.
    Hope your days have become less sucky!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I feel your pain. Over the last twenty odd years I have various diagnoses from OCD, to Anxiety and Depression and more recently Bipolar II. The last one was incorrect and the medication didn’t work. Like most people I have a unique, inherited mental health condition that can’t be labelled effectively and it changes as I age and my hormones change. I have an excellent psychiatrist who finally figured I need really low doses of anti-depressants and a little more anti-anxiety medication. I combine this with a really good diet, some supplements and still a week of bad weather can make me low. Be persistent, become knowledgeable and try to get your doctor and family to think holistically about how things affect you. I recently self-published a book, got a writing job went straight into anxiety mode and then lapsed in a very short depression. Feeling back to normal now (whatever that means) and I hope you will be too. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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