Don’t Lick That!

I’ve mentioned before that our experiences with Little Man and Baby Girl have been very different. I know that no two kids are the same, but damn, it’s like night and day with those two.

LM was a very mild-mannered baby/toddler for the most part. This was a child you didn’t need safety locks and latches for (we had them anyway, of course). If you told him not to bother something one time, that was usually enough. (Except for the child locks–he’d take those apart, but wouldn’t actually bother the things they were keeping him safe from.) He really was like a little man.

But Baby Girl? Holy hell, there aren’t enough safety latches and gates in the world for this child, who is far from mild-mannered (she is feisty and has such an amazing spirit!). If you open a door to the cabinet containing toxic chemicals, she’s over there like Baby Flash. Like LM knew not to bother things, BG knows when there’s a window of opportunity, and she’ll try her damnedest to take it.

You could also count on LM to not do other things that would be at all dangerous. There was no jumping on or off things as a toddler. We would help him on his little slide, and he’d slide down, just as it was intended.

Now, Baby Girl? This child is determined to go to the ER. A couple weeks ago, we had to remove her slide and ride on toy from the living room because she wouldn’t stop standing on top of them and falling off. She’d climb up, stand, grin at us while we told her “No!” and fall off, as her balance sucks. Then she’d laugh at our horrified reactions.

This week she has been running and jumping (as well as she can) onto LM’s bean bag chair. Sometimes she misses and lands face first on the floor. Does that deter her? No. When we ask if she’s okay, she either laughs or fake coughs for a minute.

Another thing LM wouldn’t do was put objects in his mouth that didn’t belong there. He just didn’t.

Not Baby Girl. She will lick or attempt to chew on everything she finds, as most toddlers do. One of her board books has a section missing on the corner. There are teeth marks on that missing corner, too.

But the book has nothing on what she “tasted” this week.

Sam had finished changing BG’s diaper on Monday when he screamed “No, don’t lick that!” and started gagging.

“What is it?!” I asked.

He pointed to BG, who looked at me and smiled her devilish grin.

“A piece of poop fell out of her diaper and she picked it up and licked it!”

I started gagging, too.

Sam checked to make sure no other pieces of poop had fallen out of her diaper, and we got her hands cleaned up and brushed her teeth (what one would do when poop is licked, I assume). BG was very upset about having her teeth brushed, but didn’t seem too bothered about the poop.

If my blood pressure is up at my next doctor appointment, I think we know the culprit!

[Thanks to Joey for the post inspiration–after the poop, I figured it was time to do my own post.]

Most disgusting thing you (as a kid) or your kid has done?


50 thoughts on “Don’t Lick That!

  1. Uh, yeah, we JUST talked about this yesterday, re cat food and a few other things. I told Sassy, “No! Not for babies! Kitty food!” once, whereas I must have spent two weeks tryin to keep Moo out of the cat food. Same with pulling kitties’ tails, unbuckling car seats, and climbing out of crib and throwing blocks and pretty much everything ever.
    Sorry about the poop. That’s too bad. shudders

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh dear lord, this is my house. Like, down to which kid did what…

    I just thank all the holys that the toddler hasn’t done a poop pick up…sure, he’s rolled around in it, but never…tasted the forbidden chocolate of doom…GAHF >;-P

    Liked by 1 person

  3. eeewwwww. that sounds gross. have ever even heard cheech and chong’s dogsh*it? right now, it seem appropriate.

    in a similar vain, I am fascinated at a typical baby’s first fall. the baby will be moving along at breakneck speed with a huge smile on its face and a constant stream of giggles. they’ll lose their balance ant fall hard. the smile continues to beam. the parent(s) react with a huge gasp. the baby turns towards the origin of the sound. sensing something is wrong, the smile is replaced by a huge frown. stage right: commence with the wailing and gnashing of teeth, all three of them.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. My daughter ate a bit of her own poop once and lived. She also ate cat vomit. My husband called me totally freaked out that she would die from toxoplasmosis. Didn’t happen. It’s just so damn gross….

    Liked by 1 person

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