It’s School Fundraiser Time

Little Man came home with a fundraiser form yesterday. At the beginning of the fourth week of the school year, we have a fundraiser.

And we aren’t complaining. Because Old School sends out fundraiser forms at the beginning of Week 2, and their fundraiser is fucking garbage. If you’ve ever been a kid or have one, you know the fundraiser I’m talking about–the one where they send home a fucking catalog full of horrible crappy shit, including overpriced stupid knickknacks and wrapping paper. On top of it all, Old School only let kids who sell like $1000 worth of stuff participate in the party, which really sucks in such a poor community where everyone’s hitting up the same people.

Can you tell I really hate Old School’s fundraiser? Hitting up everybody for garbage no one wants, shaming children…ugh. I’d much rather just write the school a check, but that wouldn’t be having the school spirit!

That fundraiser doesn’t exist at this school.


Instead of having that and five other awful fundraisers, New School asks for volunteer hours, has a supply wishlist, and then does a couple of much less hyped fundraisers.

The fundraiser Little Man came home with was a Fun Run.

You know how it goes–he has to run so many laps. (The school estimates about 30 on average.) And the sponsors pledge a certain amount. The people on a budget might pledge a dime per lap. The high rollers might pledge a buck. At the end of the day, it works out to be less money spent (but probably more donated to the school overall) than the Shit-A-Thon, you don’t end up with pricey garbage that gets put away for a yard sale, and kids exercise. Win-win-win.

That sounds lovely, right?

But when Sam and I read the form and realized what it meant for LM, we died laughing.

Our little guy is notorious for being the slowest person wherever he goes. When he sprints, which is rare, he’s the fastest. But when he’s jogging (or walking), he is very slow. He’s sorta like his mom, except for I was never fast, even when I tried. (It should be noted that when he’s told to hurry along, he will often say that he’s The Flash and has already lapped everyone. 😀 )


Little Man’s preference for going wherever he needs to go at his own speed has always driven his coaches crazy. They know how quick he can be, but he’s always content to either just barely keep up with the slowest person or goes at his own pace, which includes fighting dragons, running backwards, and catching bugs along the way.

I love it. It totally matches up with his personality.

But Little Man doing a fundraiser that involves running laps? The amount of money donated dependent on how well he’s focused and/or motivated at that particular moment? Oh lord. We seriously cracked up, as that school won’t likely be getting much off his sponsors unless we just ask a set sum.


42 thoughts on “It’s School Fundraiser Time

  1. I was SO glad when my kids stopped bringing home those catalogs! I felt like we were always hitting our friends and family up for money. I like the run idea better. It makes them feel good that they did something to earn the money for the school (although for your Little Man it sounds like he will be challenging himself!) 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  2. We’ve got a similar set up to your school at L’il D’s current school–volunteer time, wish lists and a couple of fundraisers; while the wife looks at it and is just “ugh!!!” I know (and so does she) that it keeps tuition costs down. And when they do fun fundraisers, well it makes it easier.

    Personally, I’ve never been a fan of the “junk sale” catalogs. Candy has almost always been the best–even if often it’s us that are the best customers.

    Wait…did I read that right? They’re having the kids run around a 400m / 1/4 Mile track? 30 times? WOOOOW. Like, at most, I’d figure 4 times on average, but wow. How much sugar are they going to give the kids? And do they get to stop and take breaks (for pee and such?)

    Either way, that kid is going to sleep WELL that night!!!

    Liked by 1 person

      • They’ll be found to a high school practice football field. But my husband asked and they didn’t update the form from a lap in a gym, so 1 lap around the football field counts for 8. That’d be hilarious if they really thought those kids would be doing that though.

        Liked by 1 person

    • LM’s school is a public charter school, and while their philosophy is amazing, they definitely need help in the supplies department, so fundraisers there make them more palatable since they’re going for truly needed items.

      My husband asked this morning–they didn’t update the form. 1 lap around the football field will count as 8 laps. I think even my pokey fella can manage four laps!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Yeah. We finished the merchandise, cookie dough, wrapping paper one yesterday. I bought wrapping paper and those flexible plastic cutting board doojis. I forget what MIL ordered. That one is the second worst. The actual worst is magazine subscription — maybe you’ll get a magazine, maybe you won’t lol.
    The best ones were the Yankee Candle and Scentsy ones done in the spring, perfect for Mother’s Day. If we’d had only the cookie dough, you can bet I would’ve written a check. The PTO loves checks. Do not concern yourself with school spirit when it comes to fundraisers. No matter how nominal, they PTO gets to keep all that money without doing any work and they looooove that! Trust me 😉
    I do like the fun runs, the bikeathons, the walkathons, but it is very difficult to sell products or get donations when every child in the neighborhood is soliciting.
    Another thing I love about school here is that there’s always an option to pay another child’s field trip, club membership, etc — like anonymous sponsorship — that’s a nice way to give as well. That keeps the money in the PTO for other things.
    The best fundraiser in the world has got to be at this huge Catholic church in my neighborhood. They also have a school. This weekend they’ll have a miniature fair, with rides, food, music, gambling and BEER. They do it once a year, everyone loves it, they make a pile 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ooh cookie dough. That shit is expensive but so good. We get hit up by the football team for that.

      Too bad they don’t let you know how much money they expect per kid and just pay to opt out if you want.

      Omg that sounds amazing!! We need a catholic school here 😄😄

      Liked by 1 person

      • On the back of the fundraiser packet, it tells you what percentage the school gets to use. It’s always low. So if you take your spending, say $41 and the PTO gets 50%, you giving $20 is a joy 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I am very, very glad that schools now tend to just do fairs and parties where you spend money for the school, rather than ask you to sell anything. In some of my boys’ old schools I hated it, they’d come home with these raffle tickets to sell and I wondered: who on earth will we sell them too, we don’t know anybody! So we just bought some. Sad and stoopid fundraisers.
    But the image of Little Man running and you guys cracking up about it was dleightful! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Most of the people will give a set amount. It is a good way to incorporate physical activity. Our schools do a turkey trot each fall for a fundraiser. And the schools definitely get more money when you consider they only get $1 on every $20 in regular crap fundraisers, if they’re lucky!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. NotAPunkRocker says:

    OK, fun runs, jump rope for heart, etc. I can get behind. I never, EVER, let M do any of the magazine/candle/cookie/crap fundraisers. In fact, I would bribe him to NOT participate. Some years were better than others in convincing him that a “DJ Party during lunch” was not worth the headache he would have started in Hurrincane Mommy. I think he got it towards the end though 🙂

    Yeah, yeah, the PTA needs the money…except they make cents on the dollar. That ten dollar Glade candle is maybe 30 cents for the school. I would rather give to an activity or direct cash.

    Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m so over fundraising I could puke, and we’re only in week 5. We’ve already completed TWO with more on the horizon. No one said that being a parent to a school-aged kid was the equivalent of being a damn pimp.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. We never did this at my school growing up. Wtf? Little kids fundraising? I mean, I sold Girl Scout cookies and did fundraising for other extracurricular activities like dance and musical theater, but never just for school. How bizarre!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I always pledge a fixed sum for these things and then cough up anyway regardless of whether the person actually finishes. I’m sure for a worthy cause most people do the same.
    In any case, it sounds better than, how did you put it? “…a fucking catalog full of horrible crappy shit” 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Love it. I’ll sponsor LM! DD used to slow down to royally wave at people during her sports day….she’d shout greetings to people and thank them for cheering her on. Her PE teacher got her to focus a little better after 3 years of Running Miss Daisy, and then she was IN THE ZONE and one of the TOP 5 LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS (they’re not my caps, they’re her caps).

    Liked by 1 person

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