She Laughed At The End Of Old Yeller

One of the worst things you can be in our society is someone who isn’t a dog lover. This is one step above not supporting the military and one step below not buying cookies from the Future Drug Pushers of America (Girl Scouts).

I am not a dog lover. Surprise, surprise. If there’s something that one can do to be labeled weird as fuck, you can bet the house that I will fall in that camp.

Dogs make me very nervous. And besides that, I just don’t like them that much in general. I don’t like their wet noses, how they always want to lick you, how they jump on you, leave hair on you, all of that. You see a dog licking you as him showing love, I see him putting crotch germs on me. You think a dog panting in your face while showing he’s happy to see you is sweet and I see the dog breathing butthole breath. The only thing we will likely agree on is that the barking is annoying.

Little Man and Sam are dog lovers. They love all the dogs. And, even worse than making me nervous or grossed out, dogs invite heartbreak. I’ve watched LM experience pain that no six-year-old should ever go through when his dog died last year. That turned me off the whole having a dog thing even more, even though I found his current dog when he begged for another.

But, anyway–don’t tell people you don’t like dogs. They will look at you like this:


And then they will hate you forever. Because who the fuck doesn’t like dogs? Disliking cats is socially acceptable, but dogs? Hell no.

“You don’t like dogs?” Person With Dog will ask as I recoil when their dog approaches me.

“Um…generally speaking, no. This one seems cool, though,” I’ll say as I try to inch further away.

Yeah, that’s not very convincing.

My best friend suggested that I start telling people that I’m allergic to dogs. “That won’t make you seem so….ya know.” Weird? Heartless? Stone cold bitch?

I tried that once at a mutual friend’s party.

“You don’t like dogs, E?” I was asked as the horse-sized dog looked at my throat. Probably because pizza was within the vicinity.

“I think I’m allergic. My doctor said I have some allergies.” Yes, I’m a shitty liar. Sort of liar anyway, as I do have allergies, just not ones related to animals that I’m aware of.

My brother, who is also at the party, started laughing. “When did you get allergic to dogs? You aren’t allergic to dogs, you just hate them!”

Sam confirmed my dislike for dogs. “She laughed at the end of Old Yeller,” he told our friends.

And, because someone who isn’t a dog lover is capable of all sorts of horrible things, they seemed to believe him. That’s not true, by the way–I just didn’t cry. The only animal movie that made me cry was White Fang.

So, no, don’t tell people you aren’t a dog lover. Start working on the “I have allergies” lie. It’s easier that way.


45 thoughts on “She Laughed At The End Of Old Yeller

  1. Hahaha you made me laugh 😀 Nah, it’s ok 🙂 I say I don’t not trust those who don’t like dogs, but I have many friends who don’t love dogs (they all make an exception for my Zoom though!) and still love them to bits 🙂
    HOWEVER, you try telling people you are not fond of children! (I’m not, asides from my own and very, very few exceptions). THEN you’ll get the looks!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. NotAPunkRocker says:

    I like dogs the same way I like other children: the ones that my friends have are OK, but they still better not knock me over and stay at a reasonable volume indoors. Ones that don’t belong to friends, I try to ignore…

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I am a selective dog lover. I liked other people’s from afar. I love my dog, and my sister’s little ones-Zeus is a Maltese and Titan who is part dog part billy goat, and my Inlaws dogs-Ellie and Pita whom are Chihuahuas and Fiji who is a rescue.
    As for big dogs-the lady I took care of in her home had 5-and old blind deaf dog that I had to pack outside as soon as he emerged from hibernation, 2 small yappers, a medium sheddy type dog and a Great Dane. EVERY time I came in the door Izzy bound through the house and I had to have one leg up karate style to keep from getting mowed over. Once they were settled down they would get their loves and pets from me.
    The neighbors have 5 mini pins and a Yorkie and I swear even their yapyapyap annoys my dog. Mom says one day she’s gonna get the gun and load it with rock salt. And I HATE when other small dogs come running after my dog yapping and acting like they’re gonna attack her, then their owners say my dog would eat theirs. Pfffbt REALLY?! My dog doesn’t like little dogs-they make her just as nervous and jumpy. No thank you. I have a well behaved protective dog of the neighborhood.
    Not liking dogs is not that bad of a thing. I respect it. Dogs are for everyone just like kids. Now if you don’t like LOTR or The Hobbit….you’re super weird and we can’t be friends 😉 Love ya E!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. OMG! LOL
    Did you not even cry at Babe? weeps just thinkin about it
    I happen to have a very close friend who does not like dogs. I won’t say who, because her secret’s safe with me, and she’s courteous to our dog, but I don’t think you’re alone. Now, my MIL, that woman does not like dogs, or any pet. Her idea of a pet is a farm animal. Meaning, dogs live outside and eat scraps and cats are barn animals who hunt their own meals. My girls make endless fun of her, because if someone mentions pets or questions her love of animals, she will launch into “I lived on a farm. I love animals. I grew up with animals. Outside! I had this horse…” OMG it’s so funny when the girls mock her.
    She also has ‘allergies.’ Now, we all KNOW that her ‘allergies’ are not triggered by animals of any sort, but it’s a very good reason to bitch. She can’t go here, she can’t go there, too many pets, too many allergies. When she comes to our house my dog licks her feet. Every. Single. Time. You know who else’s feet Sadie licks? NO ONE’S! Ahahahaha! Never licks anyone else’s feet ever. Gawd I love my dog.
    My FIL has a cat. There’s a cat in her home. They have a love-hate relationship. It’s complicated 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I am not a fan of animals unless they’re dead and on my plate, grilled. DD loves ALL animals. This led to a traumatic for me – exciting for her experience at age 2. She tried riding our neighbour’s mahoosive wolfdog (one of 7) as a “horsie”. All credit to the owner that the dogs stood still and took the abuse. I was paralysed in fear. She is currently campaigning for a sibling/puppy/hamster/kitten. I think puppy might outrank sibling.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. 😂😂😂 thank you! I needed this! And thank you for outing yourself with me as the “anti-dog” people 😜😆 A’s mom has 3 dogs- she gets so damn defensive and so does A’s sister about the dogs- they’re animals- not people. I get people not liking kids too- but I’m not letting my kid shit in their yard LMAO. Think about that- what if we all just put our asses in people’s yards and did our business and picked our shit up in plastic bags 😳😳😳lol
    Giving some perspective here- last I checked my kids didn’t take a piss on my neighbors flowers 😂
    Great post- 😎❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I like dogs, I love dogs. I love turtles and fish and sloths. But I hate popcorn, absolutely hate popcorn. Can’t understand why they would sell a food that smells like farts and encourage hundreds of people to buy it and eat it in a closed room (umm – movie theater). I would much rather people were allowed to smoke in movie theaters again, and take the popcorn AWAY!!!!!! Just saying. Some people think hating popcorn is as un-American as hmmmm, I don’t know – hating dogs.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. You’ve made a good point about the cats vs dog debate. I think it’s easier to dislike cats (for me) because they seem to hate me. In university, I lived with two roomates and three cats. Not a day went by when I was attacked at the toes, the hands, the head . . . I started having a serious complex! Lol! Kittens are cute though.


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