In the midst of the Grey’s Anatomy level drama (per stomperdad, hehe) over the past few days, I’ve almost let a few funny things fall through the cracks.
I’ll start with today.
When I picked up the boy from school, he was telling me about his day on the way home. He said that a classmate, named Chris, mentioned kissing his sister on the lips. This counts as ewwwww! in Little Man’s world.
“I asked Chris, ‘So are you guys like Luke and Leia?’ But no one got it.”
In the same conversation, I was also told that his teacher had taken things up a level today. “Last week it was about fun, but now Mrs. R is bringing on the challenges, like you’d find in the Justice League Unlimited game.” This is Generation Z language for “She’s bringing it on like Donkey Kong.”
On Saturday night, the three of us went to a place with an arcade and laser tag. Sam and LM player laser tag while I played in the arcade. (Sam accuses me of being too competitive to play laser tag with children and teens, so I decided to rack up on tickets for LM.)
After the laser tag game, LM was telling me how me was the champion and how he accidentally shot his dad. I told him not to worry, because if I had been playing I would have shot them both. Mom of the year, no?
LM said that he wouldn’t shoot his dad again. “Next time, I’ll know to look for the fatter guy and not shoot him. No offense dad, I’m just saying that I won’t shoot the fatter guy because that will be you, and that wouldn’t be nice. No offense, okay?”
“Little Man!” I exclaimed, as I often do (see Archimedes’ Principle).
“What? I said ‘no offense,’ didn’t you hear me?”
“Yes, but that doesn’t mean you can say whatever you want, especially not anything that might hurt someone’s feelings.”
“It doesn’t?” he asked. “I thought it did.”
I guess next I’ll have to teach him that “bless your heart” doesn’t excuse everything either.
I also explained that using “fat” as a descriptor can hurt feelings and to stop (he doesn’t attach anything rude to it or mean it in a disrespectful way, but I know that wouldn’t fly elsewhere).
Little Man scraped his toe on something and had a small cut. He was showing his Grandma (Sam’s mom) this.
“Did it hurt?” she asked, looking at the little cut.
“Yeah, it hurt like h….the fire place.” At least he stopped himself. That reminded me of the time LM told a kid that Jesus wouldn’t like him and that he was going to the fire place on the playground in kindergarten, after the kid wouldn’t share. He would’ve made a fine Southern Baptist preacher had his heathen mama not pulled him out of church.
Also at the arcade place on Saturday night–while the boys were playing laser tag, I played games, as I said. While playing one game, I felt someone watching me. I glanced around and saw a boy about 10 years old watching intensely, as I was crushing the game. It made me very uncomfortable. Several minutes later, he was still watching and two of his friends joined.
Shortly thereafter, I got up to go play the arcade style basketball game. A couple teenage boys had also just swiped their cards, so we did a head-to-head, and I killed them. My little entourage of tweens cheered me on.
I moved on to the Flappy Bird game after that. That’s my jam. (Because now that I have had an entourage, I am cool enough to call something my “jam.”) I got very high scores on a few games of that and overheard one of my groupies say, “She’s great at everything she plays!!!”
That has to be what it feels like to be a celebrity. At least a D-level celeb, anyway. After that, I sat down to wait on LM and Sam to finish up so I could play Flappy Bird with him, and lemme say, he was not as impressed as those little boys. He was impressed with his tickets, though 😉