It Hurt Like H…The Fire Place

In the midst of the Grey’s Anatomy level drama (per stomperdad, hehe) over the past few days, I’ve almost let a few funny things fall through the cracks.


I’ll start with today.

When I picked up the boy from school, he was telling me about his day on the way home. He said that a classmate, named Chris, mentioned kissing his sister on the lips. This counts as ewwwww! in Little Man’s world.

“I asked Chris, ‘So are you guys like Luke and Leia?’ But no one got it.”

I got it and promptly laughed at least two ounces of my ass off.4bfcbded_tumblr_lc3j4eHJc81qe2zszo1_500

In the same conversation, I was also told that his teacher had taken things up a level today. “Last week it was about fun, but now Mrs. R is bringing on the challenges, like you’d find in the Justice League Unlimited game.” This is Generation Z language for “She’s bringing it on like Donkey Kong.”


On Saturday night, the three of us went to a place with an arcade and laser tag. Sam and LM player laser tag while I played in the arcade. (Sam accuses me of being too competitive to play laser tag with children and teens, so I decided to rack up on tickets for LM.)

After the laser tag game, LM was telling me how me was the champion and how he accidentally shot his dad. I told him not to worry, because if I had been playing I would have shot them both. Mom of the year, no?

LM said that he wouldn’t shoot his dad again. “Next time, I’ll know to look for the fatter guy and not shoot him. No offense dad, I’m just saying that I won’t shoot the fatter guy because that will be you, and that wouldn’t be nice. No offense, okay?”

“Little Man!” I exclaimed, as I often do (see Archimedes’ Principle).

“What? I said ‘no offense,’ didn’t you hear me?”

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean you can say whatever you want, especially not anything that might hurt someone’s feelings.”

“It doesn’t?” he asked. “I thought it did.”


I guess next I’ll have to teach him that “bless your heart” doesn’t excuse everything either.

I also explained that using “fat” as a descriptor can hurt feelings and to stop (he doesn’t attach anything rude to it or mean it in a disrespectful way, but I know that wouldn’t fly elsewhere).


Little Man scraped his toe on something and had a small cut. He was showing his Grandma (Sam’s mom) this.

“Did it hurt?” she asked, looking at the little cut.

“Yeah, it hurt like h….the fire place.” At least he stopped himself. That reminded me of the time LM told a kid that Jesus wouldn’t like him and that he was going to the fire place on the playground in kindergarten, after the kid wouldn’t share. He would’ve made a fine Southern Baptist preacher had his heathen mama not pulled him out of church.


Also at the arcade place on Saturday night–while the boys were playing laser tag, I played games, as I said. While playing one game, I felt someone watching me. I glanced around and saw a boy about 10 years old watching intensely, as I was crushing the game. It made me very uncomfortable. Several minutes later, he was still watching and two of his friends joined.


Shortly thereafter, I got up to go play the arcade style basketball game. A couple teenage boys had also just swiped their cards, so we did a head-to-head, and I killed them. My little entourage of tweens cheered me on.

I moved on to the Flappy Bird game after that. That’s my jam. (Because now that I have had an entourage, I am cool enough to call something my “jam.”) I got very high scores on a few games of that and overheard one of my groupies say, “She’s great at everything she plays!!!”

That has to be what it feels like to be a celebrity. At least a D-level celeb, anyway. After that, I sat down to wait on LM and Sam to finish up so I could play Flappy Bird with him, and lemme say, he was not as impressed as those little boys. He was impressed with his tickets, though 😉


44 thoughts on “It Hurt Like H…The Fire Place

  1. NotAPunkRocker says:

    I know I say it every time but I think LM really is for “Little Matthew”. No offense, of course.

    It’s awesome being great at video games; I know of what you speak with this admiration, though yeah, it does feel a little weird at first 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I was laughing so hard at the things LM says outloud that you wish he would say in his head. 😄 This is so my kid. Her BCBA actually wrote a program for her where we taught her “scratchy” and “gentle” words and behavior. Scratchy words are things we say in our head, like thinking someone is stupid or ugly. One of her behavior techs created a game: it is a swimming pool and strips of paper with words on them are in the pool. They take turns “catching” a strip of paper and reading the word. They decide of it is scratchy or gentle, and then either put it in the pool filter or back in the pool. It’s pretty cute. But maybe something like that would be a fun, hands on way to teach him what is okay to say out loud and what isn’t?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for the suggestion, I will try that or something like it. I know he doesn’t mean things in a disrespectful or hurtful way, and I’d really hate to see him hurt someone’s feelings/get in trouble at school for one of those little matter of fact comments.


      • I hope it helps. I feel the same way about Kat, she is one of the sweetest, spunkiest, funniest, kindest, and most fun people you will probably ever meet. But she has a lot of rules in her head, and she is honest to a fault which means speaking out loud sometimes when she shouldn’t. We live in an extremely liberal area, which can be a blessing because I can turn a lot of those times into a teaching moment, and people are usually helpful and kimd. But I don’t want her to hurt someone unintentionally or lose a friend over a comment when she didn’t mean anything by it!

        Liked by 1 person

        • I wish we lived in a liberal area, but we’re in one that’s about as conservative as you get and views anything like autism as needing better discipline, sigh.


        • That’s very, very difficult. We have good friends who live in an area like that. She is very outgoing, loud spoken (not like me at all) and has managed to educate and make a home and gain respect for her daughter in their town– but it is a small town. I’m always amazed by her….I could not have done that. One thing she did do, though that I have also done, is print up cards explaining autism and a particular behavior (like the pacifier, or the earmuff/headphones, or asking ppl to please not respond when she blows a raspberry at them, or to explain that she may run up and hug them at random, or be right in their face, ext). I use them when we visit my parents– in a very conservative, white, Christian, “perfect” area– because it is hard. I don’t need them as much when my dad is with us, or my brother, because they have gotten good at replying to things people say, but it helps me feel less anxious in public over there. Anyway, I know how hard it can be in a conservative area, and I definitely feel for you. Xx

          Liked by 1 person

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