The Rules For Reading Books, According to Little Man

Last year, Little Man wrote a book for my birthday called How To Play Batman. It was a cute book of about 8 pages, with his story (well, instructions for playing) and illustrations. He even had a page at the very back that listed himself as the author and illustrator, plus the date he published it.

Next to the page with all of that information was a page offering instructions for handling books. I suppose he thought his mom was a shitty reader of books and needed help, so as not to fuck up Batman.

LM found the book on my bookshelf yesterday and asked me if I remembered him making it, which I did. He then asked whether we could consider donating this book, plus the ten others he plans to create, to the library for everyone else to enjoy. I told him we’d have to think about that, since I wasn’t sure I wanted to part with the book(s) just yet.

Anyway, if you’re an avid reader or a non-avid reader, check out his list to make sure you aren’t fucking up reading: 

What to not do with books:

First: don’t read books in the bath tub.

Next: don’t drink or eat while you’re reading.

Then: when you are messy don’t read.

And: don’t sit by fire when you’re reading.

Last: don’t eat the pages in the book.

The last one is funny!

I’m pretty sure that was one of LM’s first attempts at leaving me a passive-aggressive note, as I do pretty much all of those things. Except for read next to the fireplace, as I don’t want to catch on fire. But at least he was looking into future things I could to do fuck up while reading.

While on the subject of passive-aggressiveness, what is the funniest passive-aggressive remark that’s been lobbed at you? 

[scheduled]

Advertisements

30 thoughts on “The Rules For Reading Books, According to Little Man

  1. I’m pretty sure that was one of LM’s first attempts at leaving me a passive-aggressive note, as I do pretty much all of those things. Except for read next to the fireplace, as I don’t want to catch on fire.

    You eat the pages of the books? What are you, a silverfish?

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Don’t tell LM, but I’m fucking up reading books. I have not eaten any pages, though.

    The passive-aggressive remarks are frequent for me, but I’d say the best one shot at me was, “I wish I’d had the tolerance to let my children re-pot plants, use Play-Doh in the house, or paint with me, but I always had to have everything perfect and done right.” — ‘Using’ Play-Doh in the house is a real teller, ain’t it? lol ‘Using’ LOL Slays me!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Well at least you didn’t take the whole list 😉

      Lol at “using Playdoh”

      My former sister in law once told me I had ruined Christmas by giving her four year old son a Playdoh set. I thought she was kidding at first, but no.

      Liked by 3 people

  3. The eating and drinking thing…oops. These were great, and just like he intended, the last one was funny! All were a little, but you could tell the intent of the last joke as a joke. Not bad at all. I don’t find many passive-aggressive things to be funny, but then again, I usually get those from adults and not kids so there is no cute factor.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Umm – don’t tell LM but I have pretty done everyone of those things with books (can’t recall eating pages though). Liked the little joke at the end!!!
    Passive-aggressive remarks – best one was from my youngest when he was about 7 years old. I was blaming one side of my big butt on my oldest and the other side on my youngest. He said “Umm, Mummy – I am 10 years old now, you really need to find something else to blame for your butt being so big.” Nice one!!! Thanks for that sweet child of mine!!!

    Liked by 2 people

Write Some Words, Yo

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s