It’s time for a dose of South Carolina history. If you’re not from the Palmetto State, then you may not be aware of the Lizard Man. Even if you are from the Palmetto State, you may not be aware of the Lizard Man.
“What the hell is that?” you may be wondering. “Is that the villain from the Spidey reboot?”
Nope, Lizard Man isn’t Peter Parker’s nemesis. (Wouldn’t be a bad idea though. “Science teacher bitten by radioactive lizard.”)
And Lizard Man isn’t the name of Little Man’s latest pet.
Lizard Man is, as I’ve recently learned, an interesting part of South Carolina’s more recent history. Like, possibly more interesting than the Confederate flag. Basically something else outsiders can laugh at us for.
The Lizard Man is SC’s equivalent of Bigfoot. Or the Abominable Snowman. He is a lizard who looks like…you guessed it, a man! And he’s been terrorizing people in the swampy areas of SC for more than 25 years, or so I’ve been told/have read.
A little bit of the story, which I’ve taken from Wikipedia–apparently the Lizard Man hails from Lee County, which is about an hour from the town I reside in. He luvz the swamps. He terrorizes. He increases car insurance claims. More deets:
[He is] generally described as being 7 feet (2.1 m) tall, bipedal, and bulky, covered in dark hair with scaly lizard-like skin on its hands, feet and face. It is said to have three toes on each foot and three fingers on each hand. The creature has an incredible degree of strength, more than capable of ripping into a car. A few witnesses have reported seeing a tail, although in the majority of cases, a tail was not seen.
I hadn’t heard of the Lizard Man, because I’m a shitty South Carolinian, until my husband mentioned him a couple weeks ago. He was shocked that I didn’t know who Lizard Man was. And then, lo and behold, a few days later Lizard Man is all over the news for being sighted.
COULD MY HUSBAND BE LIZARD MAN?!
There have been a number of sightings, including a mauling. A news station offered $1 million for Lizard Man’s capture, but that hasn’t happened. (Note to self: turn hubby in, get rich.) Lizard Man is so cool that he made an appearance on the scratch-offs our state sells to help education. (Note to all: SC is 42 in education rankings.)
Would you like to see a picture of Lizard Man? A woman says she took a picture of the sorta reptile outside her church (this is what’s making the headlines). He was running, she says. Maybe he got a dose of the Spirit?
He bears a striking resemblance to Reptar:
But wait, that’s not all! Some dude also claims to have caught Lizard Man on tape:
Yeah, that’s the redneck version of finding the image of Jesus on a piece of toast. Gotta squint pretty hard and use that imagination a little.
So, there you have it–the Lizard Man. Coming to a swamp or church near you. Likelihood of spotting Lizard Man increases when drugs and booze are consumed.
What strange stories does your town/state have?