That’s Not Dinner Table Material

Tonight Little Man and I had another mommy-son date night. We went for dinner and a movie again. Well, movie and a dinner, since we caught the early show.

We saw Pixels, the new movie where Adam Sandler, Kevin James, and Olaf take on Pac-Man and Donkey Kong. I wasn’t expecting much, but I thoroughly enjoyed it, as did LM. The language was a little much for young ears in a couple of parts, but otherwise it was okay.

After the movie, we stopped at this 50s style diner for hamburgers and milkshakes. While we were eating, LM asked me rather loudly, “Mom, you never told me how the baby gets out of your belly. Does it come out of your pee hole?”


“Uh…no. Why are you asking me this now?” He had been quiet for a couple of minutes–a beak from the nonstop chatter and nearly bouncing off the walls–but I hadn’t anticipated that this is where his mind had gone.

“I was thinking about things and wanted to know. So if the baby doesn’t come out of your pee hole, where does it come out of?”

The people next to us looked rather appalled. I guess they’ve never had an inquisitive almost second grader.

“That’s really not dinner table material,” I said, invoking my grandmother’s spirit. Whenever one of us–especially my dad–would say something inappropriate at supper, she’d always say “that’s not dinner table material” while looking extremely offended. “We’ll talk about it in the car, okay?”

“You promise?” Little Man asked. I understood his hesitation to let the subject go–the last time this came up was when I was carrying his sister, I think. I had told him God made the baby appear when he asked, as I wasn’t comfortable talking about this stuff with a 5-year-old. (And, no, he didn’t believe that.) I had planned to explain things before she was born, but as luck would have it, she was delivered via c-section, so I put it off.

“I promise.”

And I didn’t weasel out of it this time. While we were driving home, I did explain things, sorta.

“Can you see the hole?” he asked after I explained a little about where the baby makes its exit.

“Um…not just by glancing,” I said, thinking about how he might happen to pass by while I was changing his sister’s diaper.

“Can you see it with a microscope?”

“Little Man, you aren’t going to go looking at a woman’s private area with a microscope. Really the only person who would need to see is the doctor.”

“So you show the doctor your private parts?”

“It depends on which doctor I see, depending on what needs to be done.”

“So if I tore my penis like that guy did on The Office at the wedding, then I’d have to let the doctor see my private area so he could fix it?”


He was quiet for a moment.

“Mom, I caught two frogs in my bucket, but Bilbo ate one of them. I need to feed the other when I get home, okay? It’d be nice to have two pets, if he doesn’t die.”


36 thoughts on “That’s Not Dinner Table Material

  1. Haha. Good job answering. These things are always so uncomfortable, but i really believe its best to answer age appropraitly but honestly. We always tell Kat we will never lie to her. So when she asked how she got in my belly, i told her daddy put her there. Thankfully, i had a c-section (well, not thankfully, but you know) so when she asked how she got out, i told her the doctor cut her out and showed her the scar when she asked to see where. Then we had an awesome week where she told everyone that daddy put her in my belly. Oh, and she was 3 at the time. Yeah….Honesty rocks. Lol 😜

    Liked by 1 person

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