A Slithery Surprise

Get your mind out of the gutter. I’m not about to embark on my mission to become the EL James of the blogging world. Mainly because my writing would probably get people out of the mood instead of in it.

Oh, your mind wasn’t in the gutter and I’m the only person who would snicker like a 14-year-old at that title? Very well, then; I’ve never claimed to be mature.

While my son was away on his Bilbo Baggins-esque journey to the mountains, I went into his bathroom to put away some toilet paper. I’m nice like that, making sure there is ample TP available for when I am inevitably called in to wipe a hiney. 

After I put the toilet paper away, I happened to glance at the sink and got quite a fright– 

I won’t put all the words that flew out of my mouth here so as not to sound like a sailor, but was thinking something along the lines of “dafuq is this shit?!” after letting out a blood-curdling scream. 

After getting ahold of myself and giving the snake a closer look, I realized that it wasn’t real. It was this relatively small snake Little Man won as a prize at Sports Connection. When you put it in water, it grows, unlike other snakes unfortunately (yeah, my mind went into the gutter). Anyway, he had apparently put it in the sink to soak for the entire fucking weekend instead of like an hour or however long he was supposed to leave it, and that was the result. 

Being the lovely person I am, I left it in there so anyone else who happened to go into that bathroom–like my husband or my mother-in-law when she dropped LM off–would also be scared by it.

Great success!

I also shared this with fellow blogger Linden at Tweet Less, Blog More via text. I think her response was probably better than all of ours combined. 

I was given permission to share this awesome text.

So…what has your kids/nieces/nephews/whatever scared you with?


49 thoughts on “A Slithery Surprise

  1. Okay, that’s funny. I would have had the exact same reaction. My kids haven’t scared me so much as the damn cat who likes to bring lizards, birds, and giant grasshoppers into the house to play.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Awesome title. I love long things. I was disappointed to find out the snake was fake, though. Still, awesome prank to play. I would have to have 911 on speed dial if I pulled this on my mother in law. Maybe I’ll pass this idea on to Crash and let him try it. She won’t be as mad at him as she would me. He like to try to scare people by sneaking up from behind or jumping out from behind a corner and screaming. It works with his mother, brother and grandmother. Not so much on me. Hopefully, I have convinced him that he can’t scare me.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. the-reluctant-parent says:

    since I’m blind can you describe the pictures.

    Your mind wasn’t the only on who’s was in the gutter but then, some people would probably tell you that mine has a permanent residence there. Okay, they probably wouldn’t say it but I thought it was funny anyway.

    One time when we were kids, my brother put a rubber snake in front of the refrigerator and it scared my mom. lol.

    And one time, when the wife and I and the teenager, who wasn’t a teen back then were at the pet store, she took my hand and put it on a hedgehog and the feel of it made me jerk my hand back violently. She says that she still feels bad about that and if she knew that I was going to have that sort of reaction, she wouldn’t have done it.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. My mind is almost always in the gutter. If not for the gutter my mind would be homeless. Please don’t become E.L. James. I’m not saying you shouldn’t write about sexy time adventures…do that all you want, just not all E.L. James 5th grade writing style.

    Liked by 2 people

      • I did read the series, but man that writing was godawful. The story line was sketchy at best but the writing, oy! I liked the Maya Banks Breathless series which is still erotica, but not super horrible writing. I still had a lot of questions. Like, why would someone want to stretch their ass out over a series of days? What is with all the butt plugs? That can’t be comfortable! Don’t those cleaning ladies every suspect?

        Liked by 1 person

        • Outside of a passage of 50 Shades, I haven’t read more…didn’t need to read more after reading about him “hissing lovingly” in her ear or some shit. That did not light a fire in my panties, nor did the horrible writing style. Lmao wearing a butt plug for days? Omg.

          Liked by 1 person

        • Oh no, she got a new one each day slightly bigger. He’d put it in and she was to wear it all day at his office where she had to work, of course. Then he’d take it out at night. She wasn’t allowed to remove it. All to stretch her. (gross.) All I could think about is what if she has to poop? Does it go back? Why, why why? I got drunk on wine one night and was going to write the author with all these questions I had, but then I didn’t end up sending it.

          Liked by 1 person

        • πŸ˜‚ that’d have been a hell of an email. Considering the first time I saw a butt plug a couple years ago I had no idea what it was even for, let’s just say that I don’t get that whole days-long anal stretching thing!

          Liked by 1 person

  5. A black oversized Halloween spider ring will scare the crap outta almost anyone when it’s on top of the toilet tissue roll. Apparently. My son scared me that way, and then scared his father and his sister the exact same way just days later.
    I am not scared of spiders, but you know, unusually large and shiny, specifically not for potty time…

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I would have DIED. My experience that was a fright wasn’t quite as comical. (Hense the dying…) About a month ago I was getting ready for bed. Butthead was already asleep and I got up to go to the bathroom before going to sleep. Ninja (my lazy, non-“catting” cat) hops up to follow me. He always races me to the bathroom so I don’t shut him out. Except this time, as I opened the door he stops dead in his tracks. I had thrown his empty cat food bag in the hall so I’d remember to take it out the next morning, he had obviously pushed it around cause it was in front of our door. I jokingly said (yes… talking to the cat, crazy…I know) “you afraid of your food bag? Pfft!” And then kicked it so he’d move out from under my feet! To my shock and horror, there was a freaking SNAKE under the bag! I actually had to do a double take! How tf did a flipping snake get in my house?! I quickly snatch Ninja up and begin screaming for Butthead to get his ass outta bed! (Even now it gives me the heeby jeebies! ) Butthead swiftly “dispatched” the slithering intruder with a katana. Yuck! I am thankful that Ninja alerted me, lord knows I would have pissed myself if I had stepped on it or picked up that bag and had a handful of snake! O.o

    Liked by 1 person

      • I think that if I wasn’t so concerned about Ninja and getting his goofy butt somewhere safe I would have really flipped my shit. Lol. But luckily Butthead had a handle on the situation by the time I got Ninja put up!

        Yes πŸ™‚ Katana was very badass and quite efficient! I just fussed at Butthead slightly about not tearing the carpet. But he asked would I rather have a tear in the carpet or a dead snake and, well… that was a no brainer. Lol (carpet turned out to be fine anyway. Lol)

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Holy crap 😦
    There would have been embarrassment for me once I freaked out and made some calls and the zoo, fire brigade, police, army and United Nations Anti-Extraterrestrial-Invasion Task Force (don’t tell they don’t have one ‘cos I bet they do) turned up.

    Liked by 1 person

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