A Change In Plans

My mother-in-law has been asking us to let Little Man go to the mountains with her and her husband since the kid was four. Every summer she has asked, I’ve said “no.”

Why? Anxiety, of course. Well, I’ve always told them “he’s just too young,” but really–anxiety.


Now Little Man is 7, and my MIL asked about him going to the mountains near the end of July. She asked a few weeks ago, and my husband and I talked it over.

“You know he’d love it,” Sam told me.

“I know. But, what if (everything that could go wrong)?”

“That won’t happen.”

We talked. And talked. And talked some more. Finally, I agreed to let LM go to the mountains at the end of July. I didn’t want to let him go, but figured that I could probably make myself be somewhat okay with it in two months.

Today, my MIL calls and talks to my husband. I overhear part of the conversation and Sam says, “…that’s fine with me, let me check with E.”

He covers the mouthpiece of the phone. “They’re going to the mountains this weekend instead of at the end of July. We don’t have any plans this weekend, do we?”

“Uh, no.”

“It’s fine,” he tells his mom and hangs up shortly thereafter.

“They decided to go this weekend so it won’t be as hot,” he explained and then went about his business.

This weekend. He’ll be leaving in less than three days. Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod. Instantly a bunch of horrible scenarios pop in my head.

What if they have a wreck?

What if they lose him?

What if someone kidnaps him?

What if he falls off the mountain at an overlook?

What if there’s a pool at the hotel they stay at and he drowns?

Nooooo, he doesn’t need to go. Nope. And then:

But if I don’t let him go, what if we have a wreck and someone hits his side of the car and kills him and he wouldn’t have been in there had I let him go?!

That sort of thing.


(This was the one good thing about Zoloft–it definitely decreased my anxiety a bit. Sure, it made me zombied out and worsened depression, but it helped anxiety! I foresee a lot of Klonopin being consumed this weekend.)

It shouldn’t be this hard to let your kid go on a weekend trip with the grandparents. At least my husband’s mom and stepdad, anyway. They’re mostly wonderful, especially compared to my dad.

My dad has been after me to let him take LM on a weekend beach trip with my nephew (who is a few months younger) since LM was 3. I’ve always said no, because my dad didn’t pay attention that great when we were kids (my brother always got lost on family vacations), and now he is always on his phone to add to the list of things that distract him. I don’t doubt that they wouldn’t have fun, but the risk of the boy falling off the pier is fairly legitimate, on top of my not-so-legitimate fears.

But back to this weekend. Did I say “gah”? Yeah, well now I’ll add “ugh.” I’m debating ordering a GPS watch on Amazon for LM and having it sent overnight. I’ve already tried that sort of thing before and it didn’t work too well, but if I can find a good one (and get Sam on board to actually buy one) it might help.

Sam told LM about the change in the mountains plans over dinner. The kid is soooo excited.


28 thoughts on “A Change In Plans

  1. i realized as a kid that if i asked one parental unit and they told me to ask the other parental unit and when i asked the other other parental unit, they referred me back to the first, i knew neither one wanted to make the decision, even on something as simple as a sleep over.

    I vowed to not do that as a parent, that decisions like that wouldn’t be a tennis match, but a unified front. never had kids, so i could not live my vow. the boyz, our dogs, never ask about sleepovers or other important things like that.

    my heart sank when he said,”it’s okay with me. let me ask my wife.” that unnecessarily put on the spot. grrr. nothing like having that on top on the anxiety. 😦

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I hope LM has an amazing weekend with his grandparents and that you can find enough things to distract you so that his being away won’t be super stressful for you for the entire time 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You got this. LM is going to love his time away, his grandparents will be on high alert because they know this is a huge step to continued trust, and you can ask them to text/Skype/call every 4 hours if that makes you feel better? And if he misses you a little and comes back and cuddles you for ages…well, that’s pretty good, right? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is a tough one, I would probably be the same, but your MIL and hubby sound okay and I am sure they will take extra care… your dad on the other hand, um, maybe not so safe. I hope it all goes well for LM and you!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I suffer with this, too. I trust my gut. It gets really, a lot harder later, when they’re teenagers and you sorta hafta trust their guts instead of your own, which is suspect, lol!
    I will not therapize you how my therapist did me. Instead, I will say, Best of luck to all of you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • My gut says something horrible is going to happen either way (as it usually does in such situations). Not loving the gut 😛

      Lord. I don’t even want to think about that.



  6. I totally understand what you are going through. I sent my husband off with our kids when they were 2 and 4 years of age to Georgia. I had to stay in Wyoming until the Air Force released me to move (6 whole weeks), I fretted the whole time (envisioning all types of calamities). When I finally got to Georgia – my youngest opened the front door and it looked like someone had taken an air pump to him (liked Peking Duck) because he gained so much weight. He refused to eat anything but bologna (he ate bologna and milk for 6 weeks straight). In fact, when I hugged him – he reeked of bologna fat. So bottom line – I didn’t trust anyone with my kids except myself.

    Liked by 1 person

      • It doesn’t appear he is worse for wear. He is now 17 years old and 6’5. No long term damage from what I can tell – other than he hates bologna(that’s such a weird word – why do we say bologneee, when it is actually bolognah?)

        Liked by 1 person

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