The Worst Haircut Ever

Everyone gets a crappy haircut at some point, but nothing sucks harder than getting an awful haircut when you’re a kid or teen. I have had two such haircuts, but the first one was the worst since it wasn’t my own doing. The second one, when I was a freshman in college, was my fault since I insisted on this awful haircut against the advice of the girl who did my hair.

“You’ll regret this. Don’t tell anyone I cut it if they ask.”

So, my fault.

But back to the first one–I was 9 years old and my first stepmom took my sister and me to get haircuts before class pictures were taken.

My stepmom had recently gotten her own hair cut very short and decided that my sister and me should both have our hair cut short as well. So, off to the salon we went.

“I don’t think you really want to cut their hair like that,” the stylist advised after my stepmom told her what she wanted for us.

“Yes I do! Then they’ll have haircuts like me.”

“That style is a little…old for them,” the stylist countered.

My stepmom insisted, so after literally cutting off my very long ponytail, the stylist went to work.

Lemme tell you–when you’re already over five feet tall in the fourth grade, starting to go through puberty (meaning I was getting the bad skin, but not so much on the boobs), and are a tomboy, the last thing you need is a super short haircut.

It was as short as this, but with more tease:


My stepmom styled my hair the next morning for class pictures. I wore a button down shirt with some funky green design on it. I still have a picture of this–yay, yearbook!–but, no, I am not sharing.

The reaction I got from my fourth grade class was not so good.

“Who is that?”

“E…you look like a boy.”

Other comments were made gauging from the giggles, but that’s one of the perks of having shit hearing–you don’t hear all the negative things people say about you.

After the first day, my stepmom wouldn’t style our hair anymore since it took to much time. Now, instead of having Prince’s haircut with more hairspray, we looked more like this, but with longer bangs:


Maybe it wasn’t that bad, but it was bad.

At least it wasn’t a mullet, I guess, something that was still considered quite fashionable in my podunk town. If you head up to the local bar, nicknamed the “Shoot N Stab” on a Saturday night, you’ll still see plenty of mullets.

A couple weeks after the haircut, I broke my foot after jumping off the top of a bunk bed ladder. That’s a long story that was ultimately cited as the reason for my dad and stepmom’s divorce (uh, no). When my grandmother took me to the hospital, everyone thought I was a boy.

“Son, that’s the women’s bathroom, don’t go in there!”

So, that was a fun year.

Now I want to hear about your worst haircut. 


24 thoughts on “The Worst Haircut Ever

  1. The shoot n stab, that’s great! I have super thick hair and had a multitude of bad at home hair cuts and home perms done by my mom. Combine thick hair that was cut at home with a home perm and my hair looked like a pyramid. I rocked the poodle look for a very long time. I made the mistake of letting her color my hair once too and it turned out neon yellow/orange. Not a good look!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. my worst haircut was self-inflicted. I decided to cut my own bangs. note to all: if you’re going to cut your own hair, make sure your scissors are reeeeeal sharp, not unless you plan to cut your hair one strand at a time. the bangs ended up in a jagged mess. I was in high school or early college and the really strange thing is i don’t remember people making fun of me. that’s because i was 6’5″, 230 lbs, rock hard specimen. not quite. more like a 5’10”, 160 lbs, scrawny little thing and regularly the butt of most everyone’s jokes.

    at the time i got my h/c at the school of cosmetology in our town and picked up on the lingo. peaks where the little bits or sections of hair longer or shorter than the surrounding hear. peaks are bad, k. at the end of the h/c a teacher would come and give things a once over in make sure everything was up to snuff. the next h/c, my bangs were loaded with peaks. even the h/c after that, the teacher still found peaks!

    i think you win, btw.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I had a fantastic hairdresser in Georgia. He could layer my unruly long hair in such a way that it almost seemed tame.
    Until I asked him for a bob. In 2010.
    I had, all my life, gone from long to bob, intermittently, how we do. Grow it out, cut it off…
    Well, my hair was wrecked. According to the stylist who fixed me, he needed to cut the underside shorter than the top, because when hair is curly, it tends to grow OUT rather than down. Can you say 1986 INVERSION?!?
    I followed that stylist when she bought her own shop. She hired him, and she’d schedule me on Tuesdays because he didn’t work Tuesdays.
    I will never take any length off my hair ever again.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Worst haircut ever? The “rachel”. I’m sure everyone who watched Friends remembers the shoulder length cut that flipped out on the bottom and top layer that curled under? Well, newslash. When you havw naturlaly curly– and i mean super curly, frizzy, puffy– hair, that style does not work unless you are going to put hours and hours into striagtening it and then roundbrushing it into shape. What was i (and more importantly, my mother) thinking?!?!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Anxious Mom says:

      Haha! I can only imagine how long that would take, as my hair has a little natural curl and is hell to straighten.


  5. I had the bowl-cut bangs and super short hair when I was younger so also was mistake for a cute boy. As I hit junior high in the mid-80s we had the perm…ick, I can still remember the smell being as awful as the style.


  6. By far the worst haircut I ever had was the ones they used to give me at boarding school. Those were truly bowl cuts, I distinctly remember them putting a bowl on our heads and cutting away. We all had the same cuts. But for me, with really thick, red, disastrously curly hair – it was awful.
    Then there was the time in the 70s when I went to Vidal Sassoon on Michigan Avenue and got a wedge cut – and I came home so proud of my haircut, and my Mom told me I looked like an upside down Aster (flower). The only thing that wasn’t completely deflated was my hair (my ego and self-esteem were shot to s..t).
    PS. Hi my friend – I had to come find you, I hadn’t seen you in a while.

    Liked by 1 person

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