Everyone gets a crappy haircut at some point, but nothing sucks harder than getting an awful haircut when you’re a kid or teen. I have had two such haircuts, but the first one was the worst since it wasn’t my own doing. The second one, when I was a freshman in college, was my fault since I insisted on this awful haircut against the advice of the girl who did my hair.
“You’ll regret this. Don’t tell anyone I cut it if they ask.”
So, my fault.
But back to the first one–I was 9 years old and my first stepmom took my sister and me to get haircuts before class pictures were taken.
My stepmom had recently gotten her own hair cut very short and decided that my sister and me should both have our hair cut short as well. So, off to the salon we went.
“I don’t think you really want to cut their hair like that,” the stylist advised after my stepmom told her what she wanted for us.
“Yes I do! Then they’ll have haircuts like me.”
“That style is a little…old for them,” the stylist countered.
My stepmom insisted, so after literally cutting off my very long ponytail, the stylist went to work.
Lemme tell you–when you’re already over five feet tall in the fourth grade, starting to go through puberty (meaning I was getting the bad skin, but not so much on the boobs), and are a tomboy, the last thing you need is a super short haircut.
It was as short as this, but with more tease:
My stepmom styled my hair the next morning for class pictures. I wore a button down shirt with some funky green design on it. I still have a picture of this–yay, yearbook!–but, no, I am not sharing.
The reaction I got from my fourth grade class was not so good.
“Who is that?”
“E…you look like a boy.”
Other comments were made gauging from the giggles, but that’s one of the perks of having shit hearing–you don’t hear all the negative things people say about you.
After the first day, my stepmom wouldn’t style our hair anymore since it took to much time. Now, instead of having Prince’s haircut with more hairspray, we looked more like this, but with longer bangs:
Maybe it wasn’t that bad, but it was bad.
At least it wasn’t a mullet, I guess, something that was still considered quite fashionable in my podunk town. If you head up to the local bar, nicknamed the “Shoot N Stab” on a Saturday night, you’ll still see plenty of mullets.
A couple weeks after the haircut, I broke my foot after jumping off the top of a bunk bed ladder. That’s a long story that was ultimately cited as the reason for my dad and stepmom’s divorce (uh, no). When my grandmother took me to the hospital, everyone thought I was a boy.
“Son, that’s the women’s bathroom, don’t go in there!”
So, that was a fun year.
Now I want to hear about your worst haircut.