That Time I Broke My Ass

I am a very clumsy person. I’ve broken several bones, had more sprains than I can count, and often have bumps and bruises that I have no idea how I got.

Me + doing anything more than walking = disaster.

Okay, maybe it’s not that bad, but close.

When I was in the eighth grade, I had the opportunity to go on a skiing trip with the rest of the grade. What fun! I had never been skiing before, plus a guy that I liked a lot in my class was going on the trip, so I knew it would be an awesome time.

After we got there, I went through the thing they had set up for beginners and by lunch time, I was ready to go down the intermediate trail. So I went down it a couple of times and built up my confidence.

My confidence built up quickly. Too quickly.

The third time I went down, I decided to go down fast. So down the hill I went in a straight line. About halfway down, I realized that I was going too fast. I knew that if I didn’t start slowing my ass down, I would going to crash into something or someone at the bottom.

So I turned my skis inward to try to slow down. Except I turned my skis in too much so that they crossed to form an X, and I lost my balance. Not good. I did sort of a front flip, landed hard on my butt, and rolled down the hill.

It felt like this:

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But probably looked more like this:

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The bad: it hurt like hell and I couldn’t move for a few minutes, plus the guy all the other girls swooned after saw it.

The good: said guy was very concerned and practically carried me back to the lodge. And some petty girls were jealous, not that they bothered checking on me. I was told that a couple of girls tried to fake accidents later, but their wipeouts weren’t as successful as mine as far as getting the guy’s attention went.


The next day, my butt region was so sore that my grandma wouldn’t let me go to school and took me to the doctor.

“You have fractured your tailbone,” I was told after the doc checked out my x-ray. I was told to take it easy, no softball (and tryouts were the very next week), and that I should sit on a little cushion to stay comfy while it healed up.

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So after the weekend, I went to school with my cushion. I didn’t think anything about it until a friend snatched it up and exclaimed, “E, you got hemorrhoids?!” during homeroom. Heads turned.

I explained to her that no, I did not have hemorrhoids and that I had fractured my tailbone.

“E, YOU BROKE YOUR ASS?!!!!” All of the heads turned. The teacher threatened to send my friend down to visit her dad (who was also a teacher) if she used that language again.

You would be amazed at just how much interest that pillow got from the other students. Quite a few of them wanted to sit on it to try it out, and one kid offered me a buck if I would let him sit on it for the whole day. And to think, they thought I was the weird one.

After the ass breaking, there was the foot breaking after hopping a fence at Carowinds and landing wrong. Eighth grade was not the best year for me and my bones!

So, what embarrassing accidents have y’all had? 

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47 thoughts on “That Time I Broke My Ass

  1. the-reluctant-parent says:

    I broke my right arm in three places above the elbow when I was in a car crash in 1988. I knew something was wrong when I tried to climb out of the car and my arm was flopping around above my head. I thought it was just asleep until I put my hand on the ground and felt the ground move from side to side, almost in a circular motion. after I was put on the stretcher the medic said that I broke my humorous and I said “that’s not very funny.” I felt better because I at least I knew what was wrong. The next day, I nearly passed out from pain when the doctor told me to lift my right arm up towards the ceiling so he could do what he needed to do to make the molding for the cast as far as I remember. Good thing I’m left handed.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. no breaks here, either.

    that’s one thing the don’t teach in a beginning’s skiing class, yet they should, and that’s how to fall.

    keep your skis parallel.
    turn your skis across the hill.
    sacrifice your uphill hip.
    fall.

    that doesn’t help you now, does it?

    btw, my cousins won gold metals in skiing in the olympics. don’t worry, i got the recessive genes. that’s why i know how to fall.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Knock on wood, but no broken bones… but, if there is a wall in need of running into-you bet, I’ll find it! I don’t think there is a wall in my house I havent run into at some point!

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  4. Ass breaking. I’m trying to not laugh so instead I am wheezing. Badly.

    My embarrassing moments are when my mouth cannot keep up with speed of thoughts and I trip words all over. Give me the pen and paper for life, yo.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’ve never broken a bone (though if I went skiing I’m sure I would), but one time at school I half fell over a low wall and the entire seam at the back of my trousers ripped open. So there I was, bent forwards over a wall in front of twenty 14 year olds, my tightie-whities on full display :-(. That was pretty embarrassing.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I broke my arm in the 5th grade tripping over the strap of my own bag. :/ That was pretty silly/embarrassing.
    It was just after school and I was heading out to find my mum and ask if a friend could come over. I threw my bag down on the ground as I ran off to find mum and my foot slipped through the strap, my bag got caught on a seat and it stopped me in my tracks. lol I smacked straight down onto the bitchumen.
    It hurt like hell but my mum told me I was just being over dramatic. We left school (friend was declined a visit) to take our elderly neighbour to the hospital as he was not feeling well. While waiting in emergency I went to the bathroom and as I tried to use my hand to get toilet paper I heard a snap and cried out. The nurses from A&E heard me and asked if I was OK when I came out so mum let them look at me.
    A skiing accident may have been embarrassing but it’s kind of a bad ass (pardon the pun 😛 ) way to sustain an injury! lol
    xx

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I broke my tailbone going down some stairs. I dislocated my elbow trying to run in heels (because I feel so hard.) I broke two toes walking from one room to the other. I cracked a bone in the top of my foot baking a cheesecake…7 years later you can still see the mark of where the corner of the oak drawer hit it. I am pretty darn clumsy!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Anxious Mom says:

      Wow, you definitely give me a run for my money in clumsiness, ouch! The last time I broke my foot, I caught the end of it on the coffee table just walking.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Going for an inside the park homerun in a backyard whiffleball game cost me half my front tooth when I slipped in a mud puddle in front of home plate (Yes, the field conditions were perfect), fell flat on my ass, and then while trying to walk it off, I somehow passed out and managed to hit the narrow strip of sidewalk face first. My parents got the part that chipped off filled in only for me to lose that in a waterslide accident the following year. I just said fuck it after that and went a tooth short. Other than that, I’ve never managed to break anything else….

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I laughed and probably shouldn’t have, but since I am also accident prone I understand your pain haha. I fractured my Coccyx while riding a three wheeler… yes of all things. I also decided to surf down a slide when I was in 3rd Grade and broke my arm. While working at a deli I was cleaning the meat slicer and shaved my finger nail and some meat off. I can keep going, but the point is, us accident prone people should walk around covered in bubble wrap!! lol

    Liked by 1 person

  10. 😂😂😂😂 ok I’m sorry you broke your tail bone but girl that’s hilarious!! 😆 my funniest fall was when my cousin catapaulted me so high in the air on a trampoline that I flew off and landed in a bird bath about 15 feet from the trampoline! 😳😁😆😂 I landed perfectly on my ass also in that nasty ass bird water LOL- and to this day when I mention it to my siblings they laugh just as hard as the day it happened because it was painful yet amazing!!! LOL

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  11. Although I have not broken any bones, I have fallen down many times and always in the street. The last one the other day there were cars on that street and I flailed around and managed to not fall in the street although I did scare one woman who swerved.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Let’s see. Where do I begin? Tried skiing in Colorado, decided to give it up after I almost gave myself an episiotomy running into a tree.
    Broke my tailbone horseback riding bareback, we were galloping and I landed just right on the horse’s spine, couldn’t sit for months. When I went to have children, I had them by C-section, because the tailbone had calcified in such a manner, the OB guy said I could never deliver anything bigger than a squirrel.
    Locked my thumb in the car door – 2 door car. People with the keys were in a building and I had to stand there 10 minutes trapped in the door with my thumb crushed. Then I went to the ER (this was in Germany) they gave me a splint which I subsequently lost when capsizing a canoe on the James River while visiting my brother in Virginia the next week.
    I fell into the pool skimmer thing because someone had the left the cap off on the pool deck (won’t name names – ok – it was my husband) some how got this puncture that extended down into the calf of my leg about 4 inches, and when we did the dressing changes, yellow serous fluid would bubble out of it. That was fascinating (if you like that kind of stuff). Took about 12 weeks for that to heal.

    Liked by 1 person

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